Friday Boredom - Your Pet Peeves

Bullsback said:
Where was the kids parents? 
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Mom, grandma, and grandpa were all there, doing their own thing, shopping and zoned out. I see this quite often actually... when there's a group, every adult assumes another adult  is watching the kids... and nobody ends up watching them. "Too many captains will sink the ship", as they say.
 
When someone who doesn't even know your frickin' name asks you to commit to doing them a long-term favor.
 
New pet peeve.  School attendance awards.  Ugh, really, do we need to do a raffle for iPads for perfect attendance so parents march the kids off to school sick until they can't walk.
 
qwerty said:
SoCal said:
When someone who doesn't even know your frickin' name asks you to commit to doing them a long-term favor.
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What's the favor?
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Sorry, I didn't see this until now. I won't get too deep into it to preserve some aspects of my privacy but let's just say it's a family, who are at best acquaintances and at worst - strangers who don't even know my name but seemingly think that due to the circumstances of how we know each other, there must be some unwritten rule that we're somehow obligated to one another, which we are not in my opinion. They want me to go out of my way to share some of their family responsibilities every weekday for the next year or two with no mention of offering to compensate me for it or even reimburse me. I truly do not mind helping someone in an emergency situation i.e. a trip to the hospital, a car accident, an unavoidable circumstance where you're between a rock and a hard place. We all have those things happen from time to time and can not foresee those emergencies. I like to be there for people when I can be and don't mind supporting them in their time of need. But I get really irritated at people who have consistent failures due to lifestyle choices they have made and call on me for "emergencies" regularly (this particular family doesn't call on me regularly but others like them have. I attract nuts.) Life is a series of choices. When you make the choices, you also accept the consequences of those choices. We ALL have our choices to make. I just don't appreciate being put on the spot in the uncomfortable position of picking up the pieces for those who distinctly made the choices which led to the problem.
 
Our neighbors, who we just met a month ago, have asked my wife to pick up their kid from school everyday b/c they both work full time and don't have an arrangement set up yet!  Some people are either really stupid or have massive cajones!!

BTW, that pick-up would be at 11:30AM everyday....my wife doesn't pick up our own kid until 5!  :mad:
 
SoCal said:
Sorry, I didn't see this until now. I won't get too deep into it to preserve some aspects of my privacy but let's just say it's a family, who are at best acquaintances and at worst - strangers who don't even know my name but seemingly think that due to the circumstances of how we know each other, there must be some unwritten rule that we're somehow obligated to one another, which we are not in my opinion. They want me to go out of my way to share some of their family responsibilities every weekday for the next year or two with no mention of offering to compensate me for it or even reimburse me.
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There are always takers and givers, sometimes we are both.  The takers usually count on putting you on spot or counting on your generosity (or sometimes the weakness to tell No) to get what they want.
 
We lied and said my wife just got a consulting job that intermittently ties her up during business hours.  It was enought to fend them off...for now!  ;)

qwerty said:
@ SoCal & paydawg - so what did u tell them?
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paydawg said:
We lied and said my wife just got a consulting job that intermittently ties her up during business hours.  It was enought to fend them off...for now!  ;)

qwerty said:
@ SoCal & paydawg - so what did u tell them?
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@paydawg

Did they expect your wife to babysit the kids for the afternoon after picking up at 11:30?
 
paydawg said:
We lied and said my wife just got a consulting job that intermittently ties her up during business hours.  It was enought to fend them off...for now!  ;)

qwerty said:
@ SoCal & paydawg - so what did u tell them?
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As a person who has been hit up for favors over the years, here are some tips I have to offer when saying no:

1. "No" is a complete sentence.

2. You do not owe anyone an explanation. It is preferable not to give one because ANY reason you give them, some people will throw it right back to you. They will love "helping you" solve whatever is standing in the way of you doing them a favor. If you say you're not good at it, they'll say it's easy. If you say you don't have enough time, they'll say it won't take that long. You get the picture. The less said, the better.

3. Never lie. The truth may come out. When they realize the truth, they may jump right back on the requests now that your "situation has changed", thinking you might be up for it. Even if they don't, it compromises your integrity to lie.

4. You can add the word "sorry" to your "no" out of politeness but try not to sound too sorry. Do not say, "Oh, I'm so sorry. I really wish I could!! It's too bad I can't help you. I would have been more than happy to but you understand how it is."  If you sound too sorry, a lot of thick-headed people will be MORE than HAPPY to, again, "help you" think of a solution to that!

5. If you can think of agreeable terms which would be worth it to you, try offering them. Here is one I haven't used yet but am saving for a future time:

Them: "Can you [shovel my snow / pick me up from work / watch my sick kid]?"

You: "Sure."

Them: "Awesome, thanks."

An hour later - you, via text: "Hello. I have the estimate ready. I can [iron your shoelaces / wipe your butt / water your plants] for $75. I just want to make sure this still works for you. Please confirm. See you then."

:)
 
About sticking with truth: Here are alternate ways to handle intrusive questions from a person who wants take advantage of your kindness. If you say "no" and they respond: "Why not??" (yes, some people are that rude), here are some things you can say without lying:

1. "I'm uncomfortable discussing this."

2. Just keep repeating "no" in different ways i.e.: "It just doesn't work for me" / "I'm not up for it." / "Not this time."

3. If they are persistent, just keep repeating their name. I learned this at a symposium when I worked in customer service for a large national call center. "Just this once?"... "John."... "Please?"... "John."... "But I would do it for you."... "John." They will give up. It doesn't mean they'll be happy about it but that's okay. They'll stop.

4. You could joke especially if their request sounds like a joke. "Can my kids, my friend's kids, and her brother's kids all sleep over at your house on New Year's Eve so we can go party?" ... "Well, okay but I plan on getting really drunk that night."

5. Walk away!
 
Or you can just act so delirious, crazy and unstable to the point that they back away in fear. 

I actually think it's OK lie in this case for the easiest path to closure.  If they catch you in your lie, then so be it.  Then they'll know that you had no desire to help in the first place! 

SoCal said:
About sticking with truth: Here are alternate ways to handle intrusive questions from a person who wants take advantage of your kindness. If you say "no" and they respond: "Why not??" (yes, some people are that rude), here are some things you can say without lying:

1. "I'm uncomfortable discussing this."

2. Just keep repeating "no" in different ways i.e.: "It just doesn't work for me" / "I'm not up for it." / "Not this time."

3. If they are persistent, just keep repeating their name. I learned this at a symposium when I worked in customer service for a large national call center. "Just this once?"... "John."... "Please?"... "John."... "But I would do it for you."... "John." They will give up. It doesn't mean they'll be happy about it but that's okay. They'll stop.

4. You could joke especially if their request sounds like a joke. "Can my kids, my friend's kids, and her brother's kids all sleep over at your house on New Year's Eve so we can go party?" ... "Well, okay but I plan on getting really drunk that night."

5. Walk away!
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Haha! What's with people wanting other people to take care of their children as friends? There are enough paid services in OC. I can understand if you have to make a quick run to the doctor, or if it's an emergency. But don't push your children on others.

I had a similar experience with a person I met at kid's Taekwondo. Her kid and my kid became friends, and we said hello. Next thing I know is, I get a text asking to baby sit her daughter on a Saturday. I politely told her that weekends are our family time. Then she stopped talking to me.

No, that was not all. She asked my older one to take care of her daughter over the weekends because she is old enough to earn some money and not depend on parents for everything. Nice trick to still send the kid to my house. The older kid told her no as well.

Now she doesn't talk to me, or my kids. Goes out of her way to avoid us.

Fine.. Like SoCal says, NO is a complete sentence :) Oh, her logic was, you get off work early and you have nothing to do in evenings.. Umm.. I start dark thirty so that I can finish sun-still-up thirty and be with my children?
 
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