When is the "right" age to have kids?

irvine_home_owner_IHB

irvine_home_owner_IHB

New member
I know this might be a hot topic for some but it seems to me (or maybe it's just me), that most of my generation had kids later than my parents' generation.



While that may signal more responsibility or preparedness before starting a family, I also feels that detracts from being able to enjoy your children while you're still mentally and physically able to. Like I could play basketball with my dad when I was teenager and in my twenties... but I doubt I'll be able to do that with my kid.



Maybe people get married later nowadays, maybe people want to be more financially secure or maybe life just gets in the way and we have kids later than earlier.



I guess for me, I wish we would have had kids earlier. There were a myriad of reasons why, but looking back... none really seemed good enough compared to the fact that I won't be as young as my parents were when my kids grow up. And... even more so, their grandparents may not even be around when they get to become adults.



If I had a time-machine... I think mid-25s would be ideal but I also realize that you may not have your careers or financials set by that time. I guess it's because I enjoy my children so much that I wish I was younger so I had more "time" to spend with them. When my younger friends ask me if they should wait or not... I always tell them to have them as soon as they can. Raising a family has its challenges and hardships but I think you're better equipped to handle them when you're younger... and the rewards far outweigh the cons.



What are your opinions?
 
I had mine right before my 30th Birthday. Any younger and you have given up your 20`s.

That way at least you had 10 years to enjoy your adulthood and learn from your mistakes.

At 30 your more responsible and can afford that damn "Baby Isle" at the supermarket that

melts you down every time you go. Any later and they take advantage of your old age when

they become teenagers. My son is now 23 and I am 53. It makes for good balance between the 2 of us IMO.
 
Twenty-somethings are just too young for kids. Ask a bunch of people who had kids in their twenties and many of them will say that they missed out on the career they would have chosen, the partying they would have done, or the traveling they should have done. I do wish I could have had my kids in early thirties though, but no use worrying about it now. My grandma was 20 when my mom was born, my mom was 20 when I was born and I had my first child at 38. Many people who have their kids young also feel like they didn't really have the time or the wisdom to savor the baby and toddler years, they were too busy trying to survive and too immature to appreciate how short and precious that time is. I definitely have to say that it can be a major shock to adjust your lifestyle and sleep schedule once you've lived 38 years with really only yourself to think about.
 
Yeah... I guess I'm in that small minority that really didn't see giving up anything in my 20s. For me, if I didn't know where I was going by the time I was 25... I would be way behind in the game. I honestly think you should have a plan set before you get out of college... but I know for most, it just doesn't work out that way.



It also differs from a man's perspective than a woman's since we really don't have to put our career on pause for a few months.



I have some friends who are my age that had kids when they were in their 20s and they don't have any regrets... the grass is always greener.
 
Biologically, a woman's chances of having a baby with birth defects and other disorders are increased as she approaches and surpasses what is called "advanced maternal age"... that age is 35 years old. That does not seem a very old, ripe age in today's society but a woman's body is made to bear children with best success before that age. It is not a magical number where suddenly you've hit a wall, but your chances of Down's syndrome and other problems increase with each year. So to answer the question -- I think this would and did play a factor in my decision when to have kids. I was 24 years old with the first but my husband was 34. Yes, it was planned. We had another three years later, at 27 and 37. My husband says he can't imagine having had them later. He is tired and doesn't think he could keep up if he waited longer. (He will be 41 in a few weeks.) I am 30 now and very glad for our timing. I like being a young mom and getting to have them as a part of my life for a long time. They are the reason for living. It is also fun knowing I'll only be 45 when my youngest graduates high school. haha. It will be a fun new chapter in life. And one day, if I should be so blessed, I can't wait until I'm a grandma and experience this all over again... with enough energy left to still enjoy it.
 
I would just like to add that a man's age also affects having kids.



I have a friend who thinks he can just marry some 20ish woman and they'll have no problems... but the viability of the swimmers are just as important as the eggs.
 
One of my husband's best friends just married a woman 1/2 his age. He figures they can wait several years before having kids. My husband agrees that he really wouldn't want to have children in his forties, he's turning 38 this week and definitely doesn't want to start over with the baby thing. His friend is looking at having kids at about 45-50, yuk.
 
My dad was 41 when I was born. But our memories are happy ones that include him taking me for rides on his motorcycles since age three. He rode a Harley and a Goldwing. He is 71 now and just gave it up within the last few years. He is full of life and always looking to get up and go. I think it does matter how full of life the ol' daddy is already. If he's a 40 who acts 60 then it would be hard. On the other hand, if he's in good shape and young at heart then maybe it's easier for the old man. :)
 
Grass is always greener on the other side..



I had one in my early twenties and another one close to thirty. With the first one, I took a small break professionally and getting back on my terms of not working overtime and flex hours was not hard at all. With the younger one, I was already handling more responsibility and things would get hard to balance sometimes. So IMO having kids when young and focusing on career later is the best choice. Also you have more energy mentally and physically to keep up with them. But financially you become a better provider for your kids as you age..



I always tell people to marry and have kids when they are ready for the responsibility. No point in doing both to just keep up with THE checklist :)
 
[quote author="Cubic Zirconia" date=1248143714]

I always tell people to marry and have kids when they are ready for the responsibility. No point in doing both to just keep up with THE checklist :)</blockquote>


A-Men!



I chose other because I don't think age is an appropriate way to divide up the choices. When are you financially, mentally, and emotionally ready with a stable life to bring your children into? It varies depending on how life turns out. It also varies for each gender, as SoCal pointed out.
 
[quote author="caycifish" date=1248154417][quote author="Cubic Zirconia" date=1248143714]

I always tell people to marry and have kids when they are ready for the responsibility. No point in doing both to just keep up with THE checklist :)</blockquote>


A-Men!



I chose other because I don't think age is an appropriate way to divide up the choices. When are you financially, mentally, and emotionally ready with a stable life to bring your children into? It varies depending on how life turns out. It also varies for each gender, as SoCal pointed out.</blockquote>
Well... that's why I put "right" in quotes. I realize that there are many other factors that determine when is the "right" time to have children... but if you did have your "ducks in a row"... what age would seem "right" for you?



Because technically... it would also depend on getting a partner or donor/surrogate because some people I know haven't even dated and they are past the age of the more popular responses here.
 
[quote author="caycifish" date=1248154417][quote author="Cubic Zirconia" date=1248143714]

I always tell people to marry and have kids when they are ready for the responsibility. No point in doing both to just keep up with THE checklist :)</blockquote>


A-Men!



I chose other because I don't think age is an appropriate way to divide up the choices. When are you financially, mentally, and emotionally ready with a stable life to bring your children into? It varies depending on how life turns out. It also varies for each gender, as SoCal pointed out.</blockquote>


I also went with "other" for the exact same reasons. I dont think its an age appropriate response, although everyone is entitled to their own opinion. We are taking advantage of our relative youth (we are 32) to be able to travel and continue to establish our careers, although our careers are pretty well set as it is, so its really more to enjoy each other and not have to worry about kids - we are selfish in that way. Although we are planning to have a kid when we are 35, then another one at 37 or 38. Ideally we would have twins at 35 then we would be done.
 
[quote author="irvine_home_owner" date=1248140177][quote author="no_vaseline" date=1248139965]I want to troll this thread so bad...........</blockquote>
Hey... I was thinking of you with option 9.</blockquote>


Yeah, but you left out option 0. 14-16 yrs.



Don't hate, that's what they do back home!
 
[quote author="qwerty" date=1248158234]We are planning to have a kid when we are 35, then another one at 37 or 38. Ideally we would have twins at 35 then we would be done.</blockquote>


You may want to check out <a href="http://www.marchofdimes.com/professionals/14332_1155.asp#head6">this page</a> from March of Dimes which discusses pregnancy after 35 and will provide info on the risks associated with advanced maternal age such as higher miscarriage rate (about 20% chance - double that of your 20's), rates of infertility, placenta previa (I had that. It is painful and not fun), chromosomal problems, and other things. Most importantly, it is good to discuss these things with your / her doctor beforehand so they can assess your health and you know what to expect if you decide that. Good luck.
 
My mother had me when she was 37, in the 70s. She had a difficult pregnancy but I'm pretty much perfect. ;-P



All kidding aside, I'm starting to get the kid itch because the big 3-0 is not too far off in the distance and I worry about what SoCal described.
 
My dad was 65 when I was born. My grandfather was 60 when my dad was born. My youngest older brother is almost twice my age and the same age as my mother.
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Back
Top