bkshopr_IHB
New member
SoCal78 said:
Wow! your one efficient sentence took care of my 4 sentences. This is the same for home design. A well designed compact house could live the same as a 4x Mcmansion.
When is the "right" age to have kids?
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Wow! your one efficient sentence took care of my 4 sentences. This is the same for home design. A well designed compact house could live the same as a 4x Mcmansion.
You still want to hijack the thread- don't you? I will bite: What happens to the physical and mental health of the young mothers?
check with your doctor, always. (Socal already mentioned this) Every person's physical health is different. My grandma had her last son when she was 45. He is three years older than me. Very healthy, no problems at all. But my aunt had her boy at 36, and he has some issues..
Good luck
As long as people dream of owning those Mcmansions, cookietects will build them..
Like Prius, we should have some celebrities live in 1000 sf apartments to inspire others.
Mental state? Got me, it's gotta be the same as bottle feeding and diaper changes for anyone else. But hey - I got a good story!
I went to my 10 year HS reunion. I bumped into a girl I who I went to kindergarden with, but then transfered to a private school. We briefly went to HS together but she left after three months for independent study because..............she was pregnant. No big deal, and she wound up graduating with the rest of our class. So, in the process of making small talk, I ask how her family is, and she tells me she's about to be a grandmother! My wife and I were married like 3 months at the time. I still don't know what to think about this outside of a systematic failure of parenting.
To unhyjack this: everybody is different, and thier situation is different. My only universal advice to newlyweds is to be married a couple of years before you start your family, and really work hard at your relationship with your spouse. Eventually your kids grow up, and it's helpful if you and your spouse had some sort of relationship to fall back on outside of the rug rats.
bk, is your youngest older brother is still twice your age, or it was way back then when you were a two years old? (Edit: I see that you said "is"...)
Sounds like one of those math puzzles that my kids are working on at school. LOL
As for the topic, I feel anytime after the eggs matured, but before they expired is fine.
That is sound advice, RC.
Also -
"Although older mothers may face infertility issues, may have more difficult pregnancies, and are more likely to have Cesareans (National Institute of Health), on an overall, the positives outweigh the possible problems for the women over 35 who are fueling the trend to motherhood later-among them, a group called Motherhood Later rather than Sooner, a resource for midlife mothers. Women over 38 using assisted reproductive methods adjusted in almost the same ways to pregnancy as those who were younger, and older mothers scored higher on things like ability to handle challenges and flexibility according to a study conducted in Sidney, Australia further underscoring Gregory's results.
John Mirowsky, sociology professor at the Population Center at University of Texas who also works with the National Institute of Health says the ideal age to give birth is between 34 and 40. On the plus side he reports that those mothers experience better health, have healthier babies, and are less likely to turn to risky behavior. Much of this excellent news relates to the fact that older mothers tend to have more education and to be more financially as well as emotionally secure.
When people say: "It isn't fair to have a child at your age." "You may not live to see your son or daughter married." Or, "you won't be around to know your grandchildren." You can reply, "I'll be here." Professor Mirowsky found that health problems drop steadily the longer that first birth was delayed, up to about age 34, then rise increasingly steeply, particularly after about age 40. However, The New England Centenarian Study conducted by Boston University Medical Center found that women who give birth after 40 were four times more likely to live to 100 or longer than were women who gave birth at younger ages."
http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/singletons/200810/forty-is-the-new-20-having-babies
Assisted reproductive methods = $$$$
If you're lucky, you'll only need an RX for Clomid (to stimulate ovulation) or some IUI (intra-uterine insemination.) But many are not as lucky and you can easily spend as much on a few rounds of IVF (in-vitro fertilization) as you make in a year. A healthy couple usually must wait until they have been actively trying to conceive for a year before being given these alternatives and to have insurance provide some coverage, if at all. These older patients are considered high-risk and are usually referred to an "R.E." (reproductive endocrinologist) or high-risk O.B. These are time-consuming, wallet-draining methods. I know more people than I can count who have had to do these. (There is another site I belong to where we have all documented our journeys to parenthood.)
Well, sheesh! Just rain on my parade, why don't ya? I'm just trying to find something positive to think about considering all the finger wagging I get about the doomsday that seems to be my 35th birthday.
Anyhow, for myself, the money I may have to spend is worth it when compared to the alternatives. There are some things I cannot change, and other things I would not have changed even if I could now that I have the 20/20 vision of hindsight. Right now, not having children is a huge blessing and I am constantly thankful for it.
For those of you who are not yet in your 30s, you have options before you. For the rest of us, we do what we can do with whatever options we have when we decide we are ready to have children.
IS almost twice my age. He was born in 1923.
Sorry, but as a physician I felt it was necessary to chime in. Notwithstanding what professor Mirowsky believes, there is a wealth of data available showing quite indisputably the other way, that as women advance in their 30s and 40s, pregnancies become riskier for both mother and child and more likely to have unfavorable outcomes and complications: higher risk of ectopic pregnancy, premature birth, miscarriage, stillbirth, birth defects, down syndrome and other chromosomal abnormalities, gestational diabetes (with its own risks to mother and baby), hypertension, placental problems, etc. Interestingly, it's not just the mother's age that matters; studies suggest that both increased maternal and paternal age may be linked to increased risk of developing autism spectrum disorders (could be a reason behind increased frequency of autistic disorders we see nowadays? No, vaccines do not cause autism, but advanced parental age may play a role...)
Also, the data on women giving birth after 40 being more likely to live to 100 doesn't necessarily indicate that it is a good thing to delay your pregnancy to your 40s. It could easily mean that the women who were still capable to conceive after 40 were healthier than other women (i.e. being capable to become pregnant acted to "select" for healthier women, who were more likely to continue remain healthy as they aged).
Having said all this, the decision to become pregnant should be made when both partners feel they are ready for this, no matter what age they have. Only if they are older, more medical attention should be sought.
I'm not saying these to discourage or dishearten anyone. Living means dealing with risks. Risk of a woman having a child with Down syndrome increases by a factor of 10 if she becomes pregnant at 40, compared with becoming pregnant at 30. Does it mean that a 40-year old woman will definitely give birth to a child with Down syndrome? Obviously not, the probability is still quite low (about 1 in 100 births at that age.) The key is making an informed decision and doing prenatal tests (if termination is acceptable to the mother).
Also, I'm not saying that there is no benefit to parenthood at a later age - the socioeconomic stability and the ability to provide a better nest are undeniable. You can have kids at a younger age, and risk not being able to provide them with the good parenting you wanted, and it can be just as harmful. I totally agree with that, but suggesting that there are health benefits associated with pregnancy at older age is unsubstantiated and almost completely wrong.
I was so glad to see there was an option 9! Perhaps the answer for when is the "right" age is different for everyone thus there is no "right" age? That being said, I turned 40 this year and I've had thoughts I never had before. I really thought it was an absolute never and I still think it is for biological children, but I'm thinking more and more and more about fostering and potentially adopting a foster.
My husband is not keen on this at all... he worries that we could get a bad seed that ruin our lives. My sister just told me about being an emergency foster, so I'm trying to warm hubby to this idea as something we could give a try. I just know we could do this and he would be such a great help and enjoy it, but he's not buying the idea yet. However, he was anti dog and anti dog foster/rescue and to see him with the gals we've rescued and our Maggie Moo, you'd never know it.
There was a dog that was going to die and I just couldn't bear it so I had to tell hubby I want you to support me in this because it's the right thing to do. If you don't support me in it I'm going to be really hurt. I know you don't want to do this, but it's very important to me and if I don't do it I will feel awful and I really have to do this. You can say no if that's unbearable to you, but I won't be able to forget that I didn't make a difference when I easily could have. He understood and agreed, but I can't do that with the emergency foster because both of us have to pass the test about being suitable.
It's so frustrating because I know he would be such a great influence on a kid and he would enjoy it. I need to get my work hours down to normal and when I do, I really hope I can convince him to give it a shot.
Wow! your one efficient sentence took care of my 4 sentences. This is the same for home design. A well designed compact house could live the same as a 4x Mcmansion.
Cubic Zirconia_IHB
New member
no_vaseline said:
You still want to hijack the thread- don't you? I will bite: What happens to the physical and mental health of the young mothers?
Cubic Zirconia_IHB
New member
qwerty said:caycifish said:Cubic Zirconia said:I always tell people to marry and have kids when they are ready for the responsibility. No point in doing both to just keep up with THE checklist
A-Men!
I chose other because I don't think age is an appropriate way to divide up the choices. When are you financially, mentally, and emotionally ready with a stable life to bring your children into? It varies depending on how life turns out. It also varies for each gender, as SoCal pointed out.
I also went with "other" for the exact same reasons. I dont think its an age appropriate response, although everyone is entitled to their own opinion. We are taking advantage of our relative youth (we are 32) to be able to travel and continue to establish our careers, although our careers are pretty well set as it is, so its really more to enjoy each other and not have to worry about kids - we are selfish in that way. Although we are planning to have a kid when we are 35, then another one at 37 or 38. Ideally we would have twins at 35 then we would be done.
check with your doctor, always. (Socal already mentioned this) Every person's physical health is different. My grandma had her last son when she was 45. He is three years older than me. Very healthy, no problems at all. But my aunt had her boy at 36, and he has some issues..
Good luck
Cubic Zirconia_IHB
New member
bkshopr said:
As long as people dream of owning those Mcmansions, cookietects will build them..
Like Prius, we should have some celebrities live in 1000 sf apartments to inspire others.
no_vaseline_IHB
New member
Cubic Zirconia said:
Mental state? Got me, it's gotta be the same as bottle feeding and diaper changes for anyone else. But hey - I got a good story!
I went to my 10 year HS reunion. I bumped into a girl I who I went to kindergarden with, but then transfered to a private school. We briefly went to HS together but she left after three months for independent study because..............she was pregnant. No big deal, and she wound up graduating with the rest of our class. So, in the process of making small talk, I ask how her family is, and she tells me she's about to be a grandmother! My wife and I were married like 3 months at the time. I still don't know what to think about this outside of a systematic failure of parenting.
To unhyjack this: everybody is different, and thier situation is different. My only universal advice to newlyweds is to be married a couple of years before you start your family, and really work hard at your relationship with your spouse. Eventually your kids grow up, and it's helpful if you and your spouse had some sort of relationship to fall back on outside of the rug rats.
Astute Observer_IHB
New member
bkshopr said:
bk, is your youngest older brother is still twice your age, or it was way back then when you were a two years old? (Edit: I see that you said "is"...)
Sounds like one of those math puzzles that my kids are working on at school. LOL
As for the topic, I feel anytime after the eggs matured, but before they expired is fine.
irvine_home_owner_IHB
New member
Interesting... early 30s is leading the poll.
I have a question for BK... when your father was 65, how old was your mother? (apologies in advance if that question was too PANDA)
I have a question for BK... when your father was 65, how old was your mother? (apologies in advance if that question was too PANDA)
Astute Observer_IHB
New member
The mother is about the same age as the father's youngest son who is older than bk, so my guess is that the age difference has to be more than the youngest male sexual maturity age add three years (three children), or 14 yrs. The maximum is 65 minus the age of female child bearing age plus one (gestation time), or 50 yrs. Back in the 19th century, which is relevant to bk's situation 
, it is not uncommon to have a 65 yrs old Chinese man with 15 yrs old pregnant wives.
, it is not uncommon to have a 65 yrs old Chinese man with 15 yrs old pregnant wives.roundcorners_IHB
New member
I think everyone mentioned everything, I guess I just would like to add one more thing… When couples marry late, they just assume to have kids soon or immediately; for some couples we know a lot of marital issues arise after marriage, thus delaying having kids. Plan on at least three years of solid marriage before having kids; the couples that got pregnant within the first year of marriage scare us. Your marriage is basically on hold for the next 18 years! You didn’t even have time to really get to know each other yet. All I can say is that if we had kids within the first two years of marriage, the kid would be pretty screwed up… Its tough now, but at lease we are trying to figure this out as a team, just can’t imagine having a kid and having to deal with all the drama of adjusting to each other, finances, in-laws, fights and dynamics…
caycifish_IHB
New member
roundcorners said:
That is sound advice, RC.
Also -
"Although older mothers may face infertility issues, may have more difficult pregnancies, and are more likely to have Cesareans (National Institute of Health), on an overall, the positives outweigh the possible problems for the women over 35 who are fueling the trend to motherhood later-among them, a group called Motherhood Later rather than Sooner, a resource for midlife mothers. Women over 38 using assisted reproductive methods adjusted in almost the same ways to pregnancy as those who were younger, and older mothers scored higher on things like ability to handle challenges and flexibility according to a study conducted in Sidney, Australia further underscoring Gregory's results.
John Mirowsky, sociology professor at the Population Center at University of Texas who also works with the National Institute of Health says the ideal age to give birth is between 34 and 40. On the plus side he reports that those mothers experience better health, have healthier babies, and are less likely to turn to risky behavior. Much of this excellent news relates to the fact that older mothers tend to have more education and to be more financially as well as emotionally secure.
When people say: "It isn't fair to have a child at your age." "You may not live to see your son or daughter married." Or, "you won't be around to know your grandchildren." You can reply, "I'll be here." Professor Mirowsky found that health problems drop steadily the longer that first birth was delayed, up to about age 34, then rise increasingly steeply, particularly after about age 40. However, The New England Centenarian Study conducted by Boston University Medical Center found that women who give birth after 40 were four times more likely to live to 100 or longer than were women who gave birth at younger ages."
http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/singletons/200810/forty-is-the-new-20-having-babies
irvine_home_owner_IHB
New member
Hehe... 40 is the new 20 having babies... nice title.
It does seem that older is "younger" now but I still think it's better to have 'em while you can catch 'em.
Again, this is all personal experience but my children will never know one of their grandmothers. They'll never meet their great grand parents which I think helps them to understand their family history. And if they wait as long as we did to have kids... I may never meet my grandchildren.
Man... I guess I am PANDA.
It does seem that older is "younger" now but I still think it's better to have 'em while you can catch 'em.
Again, this is all personal experience but my children will never know one of their grandmothers. They'll never meet their great grand parents which I think helps them to understand their family history. And if they wait as long as we did to have kids... I may never meet my grandchildren.
Man... I guess I am PANDA.
SoCal78_IHB
New member
caycifish said:
Assisted reproductive methods = $$$$
If you're lucky, you'll only need an RX for Clomid (to stimulate ovulation) or some IUI (intra-uterine insemination.) But many are not as lucky and you can easily spend as much on a few rounds of IVF (in-vitro fertilization) as you make in a year. A healthy couple usually must wait until they have been actively trying to conceive for a year before being given these alternatives and to have insurance provide some coverage, if at all. These older patients are considered high-risk and are usually referred to an "R.E." (reproductive endocrinologist) or high-risk O.B. These are time-consuming, wallet-draining methods. I know more people than I can count who have had to do these. (There is another site I belong to where we have all documented our journeys to parenthood.)
caycifish_IHB
New member
SoCal78 said:
Well, sheesh! Just rain on my parade, why don't ya? I'm just trying to find something positive to think about considering all the finger wagging I get about the doomsday that seems to be my 35th birthday.
Anyhow, for myself, the money I may have to spend is worth it when compared to the alternatives. There are some things I cannot change, and other things I would not have changed even if I could now that I have the 20/20 vision of hindsight. Right now, not having children is a huge blessing and I am constantly thankful for it.
For those of you who are not yet in your 30s, you have options before you. For the rest of us, we do what we can do with whatever options we have when we decide we are ready to have children.
SoCal78_IHB
New member
My apologies if I was being insensitive, Cayci. The info was not meant to be directed at you, but just put out there for general discussion. I'm not a doctor and those are just my observations from experience. I have two friends who waited until later in life. After lots of attempts at getting pregnant, they too were thankful for the road that ultimately led them to adoption. That is another route to consider when desiring kids later in life. That would be an interesting topic to discuss too, especially international versus domestic adoption. I have friends who have done both and it sounds like there are a lot of pros and cons to each. I even know someone from IHB who has done adoption and hope some day this person will discuss it here. It is really an interesting topic, especially for the Parenting section.
tmare_IHB
New member
Cayci, I have a friend in her 20's who can't get pregnant. I was 37 when I got pregnant on my honeymoon, the first time we tried to get pregnant. I then got pregnant when my son was 5 months old (not planned). Yep, sometimes it only takes once and I don't really think that problems conceiving are the rule between 35-40, more like the exception.
Regarding RC's comments, I just really think it depends on the people. We had essentially lived together the 3 1/2 years we were together before getting married (officially for 2) and we blended our finances when we became engaged (10 month engagement). If I was younger we probably would have waited for a few years after getting married before having kids but I'm not so sure we would have gotten married if it weren't for the feeling that we were both ready for kids. This has worked out well for us, however I did my best to convince another friend to wait a few years after getting married (she was 28) and she didn't listen. Now they've been married 4 years, they have two kids and I'd give them another 1-2 years before they divorce.
Regarding RC's comments, I just really think it depends on the people. We had essentially lived together the 3 1/2 years we were together before getting married (officially for 2) and we blended our finances when we became engaged (10 month engagement). If I was younger we probably would have waited for a few years after getting married before having kids but I'm not so sure we would have gotten married if it weren't for the feeling that we were both ready for kids. This has worked out well for us, however I did my best to convince another friend to wait a few years after getting married (she was 28) and she didn't listen. Now they've been married 4 years, they have two kids and I'd give them another 1-2 years before they divorce.
bkshopr_IHB
New member
Astute Observer said:
IS almost twice my age. He was born in 1923.
Mazy_IHB
New member
caycifish said:
Sorry, but as a physician I felt it was necessary to chime in. Notwithstanding what professor Mirowsky believes, there is a wealth of data available showing quite indisputably the other way, that as women advance in their 30s and 40s, pregnancies become riskier for both mother and child and more likely to have unfavorable outcomes and complications: higher risk of ectopic pregnancy, premature birth, miscarriage, stillbirth, birth defects, down syndrome and other chromosomal abnormalities, gestational diabetes (with its own risks to mother and baby), hypertension, placental problems, etc. Interestingly, it's not just the mother's age that matters; studies suggest that both increased maternal and paternal age may be linked to increased risk of developing autism spectrum disorders (could be a reason behind increased frequency of autistic disorders we see nowadays? No, vaccines do not cause autism, but advanced parental age may play a role...)
Also, the data on women giving birth after 40 being more likely to live to 100 doesn't necessarily indicate that it is a good thing to delay your pregnancy to your 40s. It could easily mean that the women who were still capable to conceive after 40 were healthier than other women (i.e. being capable to become pregnant acted to "select" for healthier women, who were more likely to continue remain healthy as they aged).
Having said all this, the decision to become pregnant should be made when both partners feel they are ready for this, no matter what age they have. Only if they are older, more medical attention should be sought.
I'm not saying these to discourage or dishearten anyone. Living means dealing with risks. Risk of a woman having a child with Down syndrome increases by a factor of 10 if she becomes pregnant at 40, compared with becoming pregnant at 30. Does it mean that a 40-year old woman will definitely give birth to a child with Down syndrome? Obviously not, the probability is still quite low (about 1 in 100 births at that age.) The key is making an informed decision and doing prenatal tests (if termination is acceptable to the mother).
Also, I'm not saying that there is no benefit to parenthood at a later age - the socioeconomic stability and the ability to provide a better nest are undeniable. You can have kids at a younger age, and risk not being able to provide them with the good parenting you wanted, and it can be just as harmful. I totally agree with that, but suggesting that there are health benefits associated with pregnancy at older age is unsubstantiated and almost completely wrong.
stepping_up_IHB
New member
irvine_home_owner said:
I was so glad to see there was an option 9! Perhaps the answer for when is the "right" age is different for everyone thus there is no "right" age? That being said, I turned 40 this year and I've had thoughts I never had before. I really thought it was an absolute never and I still think it is for biological children, but I'm thinking more and more and more about fostering and potentially adopting a foster.
My husband is not keen on this at all... he worries that we could get a bad seed that ruin our lives. My sister just told me about being an emergency foster, so I'm trying to warm hubby to this idea as something we could give a try. I just know we could do this and he would be such a great help and enjoy it, but he's not buying the idea yet. However, he was anti dog and anti dog foster/rescue and to see him with the gals we've rescued and our Maggie Moo, you'd never know it.
There was a dog that was going to die and I just couldn't bear it so I had to tell hubby I want you to support me in this because it's the right thing to do. If you don't support me in it I'm going to be really hurt. I know you don't want to do this, but it's very important to me and if I don't do it I will feel awful and I really have to do this. You can say no if that's unbearable to you, but I won't be able to forget that I didn't make a difference when I easily could have. He understood and agreed, but I can't do that with the emergency foster because both of us have to pass the test about being suitable.
It's so frustrating because I know he would be such a great influence on a kid and he would enjoy it. I need to get my work hours down to normal and when I do, I really hope I can convince him to give it a shot.
Anonymous_IHB
New member
I am lucky as my kids ages & their grandparents ages all line up (old enough + not too old) and they can all go do things together (ex. go for a hike or whatever). It is really nice for both generations.
irvine_home_owner said: