Parenting in Interracial Families

[kcmkane_IHB]

I don't really care who lives around me, I'll force them all to come over and have a beer in the backyard. Although I will note that I generally have more success in that endeavor with the Caucasions and the Koreans than I do with the Chinese. YMMV.

Just for the record and on a totally personal note, we like Irvine because there is a much bigger proportion of families (and kids) that look just like ours as compared to anywhere else we have ever been. Eight of 22 kids in her class are half white/asian just like our daughter. We like that. As a bi-racial child we want her to be raised a setting that reflects her. Not that one can't thrive wherever they live (don't need anyone chiding me for that) --- but kids can be mean, and being an oddity in a sea of people who look don't look like you is just one more hurdle. Southern California is a very diverse place --- but it also can be very segregated. Living in a place where most of the kids look like me (south OC) or like her mother (Arcadia) is not the environment we were looking for. This one fits.

 

[traceimage_IHB]

Just for the record and on a totally personal note, we like Irvine because there is a much bigger proportion of families (and kids) that look just like ours as compared to anywhere else we have ever been. Eight of 22 kids in her class are half white/asian just like our daughter. We like that. As a bi-racial child we want her to be raised a setting that reflects her. Not that one can't thrive wherever they live (don't need anyone chiding me for that) --- but kids can be mean, and being an oddity in a sea of people who look don't look like you is just one more hurdle. Southern California is a very diverse place --- but it also can be very segregated. Living in a place where most of the kids look like me (south OC) or like her mother (Arcadia) is not the environment we were looking for. This one fits.

I have a biracial child and I've thought about this as well. He's not school-age yet, but when he is, I'd want him to have at least some kids in his class who look like him. 8 of 22 kids, that's a lot! Is that typical of your daughter's classes over the years, or is it an anomaly? I think almost anywhere in OC, there'd be at least 1 or 2 mixed Asian/white kids in any given class, but 1/3 of the class? That's a lot higher than I would have thought!

 

[sad.machine_IHB]

Just for the record and on a totally personal note, we like Irvine because there is a much bigger proportion of families (and kids) that look just like ours as compared to anywhere else we have ever been. Eight of 22 kids in her class are half white/asian just like our daughter. We like that. As a bi-racial child we want her to be raised a setting that reflects her. Not that one can't thrive wherever they live (don't need anyone chiding me for that) --- but kids can be mean, and being an oddity in a sea of people who look don't look like you is just one more hurdle. Southern California is a very diverse place --- but it also can be very segregated. Living in a place where most of the kids look like me (south OC) or like her mother (Arcadia) is not the environment we were looking for. This one fits.

I have a biracial child and I've thought about this as well. He's not school-age yet, but when he is, I'd want him to have at least some kids in his class who look like him. 8 of 22 kids, that's a lot! Is that typical of your daughter's classes over the years, or is it an anomaly? I think almost anywhere in OC, there'd be at least 1 or 2 mixed Asian/white kids in any given class, but 1/3 of the class? That's a lot higher than I would have thought!

you should try to raise him so that he isn't so race conscious. whenever i meet a person and the first thing he asks me is "whats your nationality?" (they mean ethnicity but they are morons) its very annoying. whenever i meet a korean person i get asked that 99% of the time.

 

[traceimage_IHB]

Just for the record and on a totally personal note, we like Irvine because there is a much bigger proportion of families (and kids) that look just like ours as compared to anywhere else we have ever been. Eight of 22 kids in her class are half white/asian just like our daughter. We like that. As a bi-racial child we want her to be raised a setting that reflects her. Not that one can't thrive wherever they live (don't need anyone chiding me for that) --- but kids can be mean, and being an oddity in a sea of people who look don't look like you is just one more hurdle. Southern California is a very diverse place --- but it also can be very segregated. Living in a place where most of the kids look like me (south OC) or like her mother (Arcadia) is not the environment we were looking for. This one fits.

I have a biracial child and I've thought about this as well. He's not school-age yet, but when he is, I'd want him to have at least some kids in his class who look like him. 8 of 22 kids, that's a lot! Is that typical of your daughter's classes over the years, or is it an anomaly? I think almost anywhere in OC, there'd be at least 1 or 2 mixed Asian/white kids in any given class, but 1/3 of the class? That's a lot higher than I would have thought!

you should try to raise him so that he isn't so race conscious. whenever i meet a person and the first thing he asks me is "whats your nationality?" (they mean ethnicity but they are morons) its very annoying. whenever i meet a korean person i get asked that 99% of the time.

I just don't want him to feel too much like a minority.

 

[kcmkane_IHB]

Just for the record and on a totally personal note, we like Irvine because there is a much bigger proportion of families (and kids) that look just like ours as compared to anywhere else we have ever been. Eight of 22 kids in her class are half white/asian just like our daughter. We like that. As a bi-racial child we want her to be raised a setting that reflects her. Not that one can't thrive wherever they live (don't need anyone chiding me for that) --- but kids can be mean, and being an oddity in a sea of people who look don't look like you is just one more hurdle. Southern California is a very diverse place --- but it also can be very segregated. Living in a place where most of the kids look like me (south OC) or like her mother (Arcadia) is not the environment we were looking for. This one fits.

I have a biracial child and I've thought about this as well. He's not school-age yet, but when he is, I'd want him to have at least some kids in his class who look like him. 8 of 22 kids, that's a lot! Is that typical of your daughter's classes over the years, or is it an anomaly? I think almost anywhere in OC, there'd be at least 1 or 2 mixed Asian/white kids in any given class, but 1/3 of the class? That's a lot higher than I would have thought!

I was wrong (dad's shouldn't focus on these details). Last year in Kindergarten it was 8. This year in 1st grade there are 5 bi-racial of 23 total in the class. Just b/c Panda loves these stats, I counted up on the current year class picture (w/last names). Here you go, Panda: White = 5; Korean = 5; Chinese = 4; Viet = 3; Hispanic = 1; white/asian bi-racial = 5 --- total 23. Her class mix seems to roughly mirror the total school demographics as shown on the great shools website.

As as someone noted with some snark above "don't make your kids so aware of race" --- agree fully. That is why a melting pot like this is important to us. If a child is one of a few different faces in a sea of sameness, I think they would be a lot more aware of differences than they are in a sea of diversity.

 

[sad.machine_IHB]

Just for the record and on a totally personal note, we like Irvine because there is a much bigger proportion of families (and kids) that look just like ours as compared to anywhere else we have ever been. Eight of 22 kids in her class are half white/asian just like our daughter. We like that. As a bi-racial child we want her to be raised a setting that reflects her. Not that one can't thrive wherever they live (don't need anyone chiding me for that) --- but kids can be mean, and being an oddity in a sea of people who look don't look like you is just one more hurdle. Southern California is a very diverse place --- but it also can be very segregated. Living in a place where most of the kids look like me (south OC) or like her mother (Arcadia) is not the environment we were looking for. This one fits.

I have a biracial child and I've thought about this as well. He's not school-age yet, but when he is, I'd want him to have at least some kids in his class who look like him. 8 of 22 kids, that's a lot! Is that typical of your daughter's classes over the years, or is it an anomaly? I think almost anywhere in OC, there'd be at least 1 or 2 mixed Asian/white kids in any given class, but 1/3 of the class? That's a lot higher than I would have thought!

you should try to raise him so that he isn't so race conscious. whenever i meet a person and the first thing he asks me is "whats your nationality?" (they mean ethnicity but they are morons) its very annoying. whenever i meet a korean person i get asked that 99% of the time.

I just don't want him to feel too much like a minority.

i understand your concern.

he will only feel a minority if he is made conscious of it and it is stressed that he is different. trust me he doesnt need any help there, others will do that on their own. when i was a little kid i thought i was white (im asian). i had no idea. it wasn't until race was stressed as this important thing (thanks liberals) by schools and people around me that i felt conscious that i was not part of the majority...and that will happen if his race/ethnic background is always discussed.

i hate to sound cliche but fortunately in this country as long as you have american values a person of any race is considered american. this can not be said for countries like china or japan, france etc.

if race is stressed i guarantee one thing will happen (because I have seen it happen to many of my friends who are mixed)--he will end up gravitating to one side and completely reject/shun his other side. i have seen mixed asian/white friends who secretly want to don a blonde wig and go hang ten or vice versa.

 

[traceimage_IHB]

Just for the record and on a totally personal note, we like Irvine because there is a much bigger proportion of families (and kids) that look just like ours as compared to anywhere else we have ever been. Eight of 22 kids in her class are half white/asian just like our daughter. We like that. As a bi-racial child we want her to be raised a setting that reflects her. Not that one can't thrive wherever they live (don't need anyone chiding me for that) --- but kids can be mean, and being an oddity in a sea of people who look don't look like you is just one more hurdle. Southern California is a very diverse place --- but it also can be very segregated. Living in a place where most of the kids look like me (south OC) or like her mother (Arcadia) is not the environment we were looking for. This one fits.

I have a biracial child and I've thought about this as well. He's not school-age yet, but when he is, I'd want him to have at least some kids in his class who look like him. 8 of 22 kids, that's a lot! Is that typical of your daughter's classes over the years, or is it an anomaly? I think almost anywhere in OC, there'd be at least 1 or 2 mixed Asian/white kids in any given class, but 1/3 of the class? That's a lot higher than I would have thought!

you should try to raise him so that he isn't so race conscious. whenever i meet a person and the first thing he asks me is "whats your nationality?" (they mean ethnicity but they are morons) its very annoying. whenever i meet a korean person i get asked that 99% of the time.

I just don't want him to feel too much like a minority.

i understand your concern.

he will only feel a minority if he is made conscious of it and it is stressed that he is different. trust me he doesnt need any help there, others will do that on their own. when i was a little kid i thought i was white (im asian). i had no idea. it wasn't until race was stressed as this important thing (thanks liberals) by schools and people around me that i felt conscious that i was not part of the majority...and that will happen if his race/ethnic background is always discussed.

i hate to sound cliche but fortunately in this country as long as you have american values a person of any race is considered american. this can not be said for countries like china or japan, france etc.

if race is stressed i guarantee one thing will happen (because I have seen it happen to many of my friends who are mixed)--he will end up gravitating to one side and completely reject/shun his other side. i have seen mixed asian/white friends who secretly want to don a blonde wig and go hang ten or vice versa.

I don't agree with you about the origins of racial consciousness. You don't think that my son would eventually notice that some people look like mommy, some people look like daddy, and some look different from both of us? I'm not gonna obsess about race, but I'm not going to sweep the whole issue under the rug and hope he never notices, either. Like CK, I think it will be good for my son to have the opportunity to know and be friends with other mixed-race kids. We want him to be proud of and feel connected to both parts of his heritage. Don't get me wrong, I wouldn't want him to go to an entirely mixed Asian/white school (even if one existed) - I want him to be able to experience some real-world diversity! Ideally he'll have friends from lots of different backgrounds and not judge anyone based on race. But at the same time, it's nice to have others around like you.

 

[sad.machine_IHB]

Just for the record and on a totally personal note, we like Irvine because there is a much bigger proportion of families (and kids) that look just like ours as compared to anywhere else we have ever been. Eight of 22 kids in her class are half white/asian just like our daughter. We like that. As a bi-racial child we want her to be raised a setting that reflects her. Not that one can't thrive wherever they live (don't need anyone chiding me for that) --- but kids can be mean, and being an oddity in a sea of people who look don't look like you is just one more hurdle. Southern California is a very diverse place --- but it also can be very segregated. Living in a place where most of the kids look like me (south OC) or like her mother (Arcadia) is not the environment we were looking for. This one fits.

I have a biracial child and I've thought about this as well. He's not school-age yet, but when he is, I'd want him to have at least some kids in his class who look like him. 8 of 22 kids, that's a lot! Is that typical of your daughter's classes over the years, or is it an anomaly? I think almost anywhere in OC, there'd be at least 1 or 2 mixed Asian/white kids in any given class, but 1/3 of the class? That's a lot higher than I would have thought!

you should try to raise him so that he isn't so race conscious. whenever i meet a person and the first thing he asks me is "whats your nationality?" (they mean ethnicity but they are morons) its very annoying. whenever i meet a korean person i get asked that 99% of the time.

I just don't want him to feel too much like a minority.

i understand your concern.

he will only feel a minority if he is made conscious of it and it is stressed that he is different. trust me he doesnt need any help there, others will do that on their own. when i was a little kid i thought i was white (im asian). i had no idea. it wasn't until race was stressed as this important thing (thanks liberals) by schools and people around me that i felt conscious that i was not part of the majority...and that will happen if his race/ethnic background is always discussed.

i hate to sound cliche but fortunately in this country as long as you have american values a person of any race is considered american. this can not be said for countries like china or japan, france etc.

if race is stressed i guarantee one thing will happen (because I have seen it happen to many of my friends who are mixed)--he will end up gravitating to one side and completely reject/shun his other side. i have seen mixed asian/white friends who secretly want to don a blonde wig and go hang ten or vice versa.

I don't agree with you about the origins of racial consciousness. You don't think that my son would eventually notice that some people look like mommy, some people look like daddy, and some look different from both of us? I'm not gonna obsess about race, but I'm not going to sweep the whole issue under the rug and hope he never notices, either. Like CK, I think it will be good for my son to have the opportunity to know and be friends with other mixed-race kids. We want him to be proud of and feel connected to both parts of his heritage. Don't get me wrong, I wouldn't want him to go to an entirely mixed Asian/white school (even if one existed) - I want him to be able to experience some real-world diversity! Ideally he'll have friends from lots of different backgrounds and not judge anyone based on race. But at the same time, it's nice to have others around like you.

im not saying that he doesn't notice, but just that its a difference with no significance. its like a white brunette person who sees blondes, redheads, and brunettes. of course he sees it, but no one ever beat it into his head that he needs to have brunette pride and join brunette professional associations or have hair diversity celebrations at school so to him what does it matter what hair color that person is. he doesnt try to make sure his circle of friends reflects the proper diversity of the hair society.

bottom line, the more you "celebrate diversity" and be race and ethnically conscious the greater the divide you create between the groups.

i grew up in a predominantly white area. even so i did not give any importance to race until i went to high school where it had a small korean minority that was so recluse and so racially focused that it made me consciously aware of what race every person was. after that, i went to college where ethnic cheerleaders from all sides furthered the divide in my head.

im slowly trying to reset that in myself.

you said ideally you;d want him to have friends of different backgrounds? ideally, you shouldn't care.

 

[traceimage_IHB]

im not saying that he doesn't notice, but just that its a difference with no significance. its like a white brunette person who sees blondes, redheads, and brunettes. of course he sees it, but no one ever beat it into his head that he needs to have brunette pride and join brunette professional associations or have hair diversity celebrations at school so to him what does it matter what hair color that person is. he doesnt try to make sure his circle of friends reflects the proper diversity of the hair society.

bottom line, the more you "celebrate diversity" and be race and ethnically conscious the greater the divide you create between the groups.

i grew up in a predominantly white area. even so i did not give any importance to race until i went to high school where it had a small korean minority that was so recluse and so racially focused that it made me consciously aware of what race every person was. after that, i went to college where ethnic cheerleaders from all sides furthered the divide in my head.

im slowly trying to reset that in myself.

you said ideally you;d want him to have friends of different backgrounds? ideally, you shouldn't care.

I understand what you're saying. I think that diversity is a laudable goal, but it sometimes ends up in practice with lots of different people who don't interact with each other at all. You know what I mean? There's so many of each group that they can form their own little cliques.

But I really don't agree with you about just ignoring the whole issue. I guess we can just agree to disagree about that. I think the hair color analogy is cute, but it can't really be compared to race (which is mostly a social construct but includes ethnic heritage and historical issues that make it much more emotionally charged than hair color).

I do think that your own personal experience has contributed to your views on this. Quite a few of Korean-Americans I know are really focused on being Korean, having only Korean friends, etc. It sounds like your experience with this small Korean minority was really negative and messed up the racial utopia you'd been living up to that point.

Like I said, I do understand what you're saying. But I think that having friends of different backgrounds is still a good thing. I don't want to be racially focused, as you say - not at all - I just want my son to feel comfortable and like I said, not feel too much like a minority. I think being the only mixed kid in his school might make him feel that way. Just my opinion.

 

[kcmkane_IHB]

bottom line, the more you "celebrate diversity" and be race and ethnically conscious the greater the divide you create between the groups.

I don't know about this statement. I always celebrated diversity, and it didn't create any ethnic divide at all. As a matter of fact, that's how I ended up with a bi-racial child in the first place.

 

[irvine_home_owner_IHB]

This may not be PC... but I noticed something:

I see more non-asian guys celebrate diversity with asian girls, than I see asian guys celebrate diversity with non-asian girls.

Double standard!!!

 

[bkshopr_IHB]

This may not be PC... but I noticed something:

I see more non-asian guys celebrate diversity with asian girls, than I see asian guys celebrate diversity with non-asian girls.

Double standard!!!

I think we have talked about that many times. I remember Tulip also chimed in on this subject regarding sizes.

Caucasians love to celebrate Asian girls alright!

Here is the secret: First validate then celebrate.

 

[PANDA_IHB]

im not saying that he doesn't notice, but just that its a difference with no significance. its like a white brunette person who sees blondes, redheads, and brunettes. of course he sees it, but no one ever beat it into his head that he needs to have brunette pride and join brunette professional associations or have hair diversity celebrations at school so to him what does it matter what hair color that person is. he doesnt try to make sure his circle of friends reflects the proper diversity of the hair society.

bottom line, the more you "celebrate diversity" and be race and ethnically conscious the greater the divide you create between the groups.

i grew up in a predominantly white area. even so i did not give any importance to race until i went to high school where it had a small korean minority that was so recluse and so racially focused that it made me consciously aware of what race every person was. after that, i went to college where ethnic cheerleaders from all sides furthered the divide in my head.

im slowly trying to reset that in myself.

you said ideally you;d want him to have friends of different backgrounds? ideally, you shouldn't care.

I understand what you're saying. I think that diversity is a laudable goal, but it sometimes ends up in practice with lots of different people who don't interact with each other at all. You know what I mean? There's so many of each group that they can form their own little cliques.

But I really don't agree with you about just ignoring the whole issue. I guess we can just agree to disagree about that. I think the hair color analogy is cute, but it can't really be compared to race (which is mostly a social construct but includes ethnic heritage and historical issues that make it much more emotionally charged than hair color).

I do think that your own personal experience has contributed to your views on this. Quite a few of Korean-Americans I know are really focused on being Korean, having only Korean friends, etc. It sounds like your experience with this small Korean minority was really negative and messed up the racial utopia you'd been living up to that point.

Like I said, I do understand what you're saying. But I think that having friends of different backgrounds is still a good thing. I don't want to be racially focused, as you say - not at all - I just want my son to feel comfortable and like I said, not feel too much like a minority. I think being the only mixed kid in his school might make him feel that way. Just my opinion.

I dunno.. if I could live my life again I would of loved to attend elementary school in Irvine. When I was in 1st grade, I was only Asian kid among 24 white kids. Every week these little 1st grade punks would ask me, "Did your dad bomb pearl habor?

 

[traceimage_IHB]

This may not be PC... but I noticed something:

I see more non-asian guys celebrate diversity with asian girls, than I see asian guys celebrate diversity with non-asian girls.

Double standard!!!

This is true! But for the record, I'm a white girl celebrating diversity with my Asian husband.

 

[bkshopr_IHB]

This may not be PC... but I noticed something:

I see more non-asian guys celebrate diversity with asian girls, than I see asian guys celebrate diversity with non-asian girls.

Double standard!!!

This is true! But for the record, I'm a white girl celebrating diversity with my Asian husband.

Care to share why you married an Asian by going against the grain?

 

[PANDA_IHB]

This may not be PC... but I noticed something:

I see more non-asian guys celebrate diversity with asian girls, than I see asian guys celebrate diversity with non-asian girls.

Double standard!!!

This is true! But for the record, I'm a white girl celebrating diversity with my Asian husband.

Care to share why you married an Asian by going against the grain?

That's easy. It is just like the Advil commercials back in the 90s. Small, Yellow, Different.

 

[bkshopr_IHB]

This may not be PC... but I noticed something:

I see more non-asian guys celebrate diversity with asian girls, than I see asian guys celebrate diversity with non-asian girls.

Double standard!!!

This is true! But for the record, I'm a white girl celebrating diversity with my Asian husband.

Care to share why you married an Asian by going against the grain?

That's easy. It is just like the Advil commercials back in the 90s. Small, Yellow, Different.

Little pill but cure the biggest headache.

 

[traceimage_IHB]

This may not be PC... but I noticed something:

I see more non-asian guys celebrate diversity with asian girls, than I see asian guys celebrate diversity with non-asian girls.

Double standard!!!

This is true! But for the record, I'm a white girl celebrating diversity with my Asian husband.

Care to share why you married an Asian by going against the grain?

It's all part of my master plan to pollute the Asian gene pool and create an army of mixed-child minions who will do my evil bidding! *muahahaha*

Actually, no...we just met in college and fell in love.

 

[sad.machine_IHB]

bottom line, the more you "celebrate diversity" and be race and ethnically conscious the greater the divide you create between the groups.

I don't know about this statement. I always celebrated diversity, and it didn't create any ethnic divide at all. As a matter of fact, that's how I ended up with a bi-racial child in the first place.

when i say 'celebrate diversity' i am talking about things like ethnic cheerleading in college (aka asian american studies, afro american studies, basically anything hyphenated), racial or ethnically exclusive groups like La Raza, NAACP etc., and racial quotas. these things only further the divide.

i am not talking about acknowledging different ethnic backgrounds or learning about them.

the hair color analogy is simplified to make a point. race is as arbitrary as hair color.

instead of retreating into different racial ethnic identities it would be ideal to unify under an american identity.

 

[Mcdonna1980_IHB]

I don't think our family fits in anywhere. My husband and I our Caucasian but we have Panamanian and Mexican kids. Surprisingly, the kids at school have never questioned my kids about the race differences in our family. But boy do the parents. Adults are terribly noisy. It saddens me that I have to ask other parents not to integrate my kids about being adopted.