How do you have kids here?

[quote author="usctrojanman29" date=1242441729][quote author="irvine_home_owner" date=1242441047][quote author="usctrojanman29" date=1242440702]Sweet, I want to come over when you get that set-up. Maybe throw a small poker table if there's room.</blockquote>
Poker is like jello... there is ALWAYS room for it.



Although since having kids... I haven't played very much.



<thread rerail!></blockquote>
Till you get that poker table set up, I'll have to drag you out to HG Casino with me every now and again. I've been making some decent supplemental income on the $300 No Limit table the past month or so.</blockquote>


The $300 is the juiciest of all the NL games there. Might be the best game in the house.
 
<img src="http://images.magellanvacations.com/images/hotels/Sagamore-SagamoreHotelGameRoom.jpg" alt="" />



IHO, here is your game lounge inspiration with curtains to conceal the game machines. OK you can have a game room in your garage but don't let it be an eyesore that hurt your neighbors comp in the area.
 
Game rooms often are messy and thoughtless with machines, billiard, table tennis and card tables randomly shoved into their place. I rarely see a nice one well executed and appeals to both genders. The chance of finding a nice game room on the internet is rare because most of them were put together by 6 pack and Plumber Joe.
 
This thread is an illustration of one reason why I don't post on IHB much any more. I'm just very different from all of you in a fundamental way, and I don't feel part of the crowd like I used to, when we focused more on the housing bubble and less on life stuff. Not that I'm complaining or saying it's a bad thing how the Forums have evolved. Just that it's not my "home" anymore.



I am the ONLY single parent in ALL of the IHB. (If there others of my ilk out there, I haven't read anything from you). Try raising a child on one salary, with NO ONE to help you! I don't have a husband, a sister, a best friend or a mother to rely on. It's all me. Talk about pressure.



So the way I keep from falling apart, and from being a mean, spiteful person (most of the time, anyway!), is regularly looking for and reading about those less fortunate than me. I do what I can to help, when I can (like for my friend earning minimum wage and living as a single mom in Aliso - now THAT's hard!). And at night, when I'm cuddling with my little boy and feeling lonely and sad, reminding myself that although none of them live in Irvine, there ARE millions of single mothers out there who would kill to have my comfortable life.



Oh and, having seen this housing crash coming loud and clear in 2005 when zovall asked me to help him create the IHB, it also helps that I pocketed a comfortable nest egg when I got divorced in 2006 and sold the house...renting rather than rolling it over into another house like most people would have done...and as my ex did.
 
Hi, ISM!



My guess is that you're not the only single parent reading this thread. Statistically, there are probably many more too. I am very sorry you are lonely and sad. If you ever need ANYTHING, even just a mommy break, PM me and I will be happy to watch the little one for you or even if you just need an emergency contact person (I know how it is, I struggled to come up with an emergency contact on school forms and what-not.) Hope all is well.
 
[quote author="irvinesinglemom" date=1242446387]This thread is an illustration of one reason why I don't post on IHB much any more. I'm just very different from all of you in a fundamental way, and I don't feel part of the crowd like I used to, when we focused more on the housing bubble and less on life stuff. Not that I'm complaining or saying it's a bad thing how the Forums have evolved. Just that it's not my "home" anymore.



I am the ONLY single parent in ALL of the IHB. (If there others of my ilk out there, I haven't read anything from you). Try raising a child on one salary, with NO ONE to help you! I don't have a husband, a sister, a best friend or a mother to rely on. It's all me. Talk about pressure.



So the way I keep from falling apart, and from being a mean, spiteful person (most of the time, anyway!), is regularly looking for and reading about those less fortunate than me. I do what I can to help, when I can (like for my friend earning minimum wage and living as a single mom in Aliso - now THAT's hard!). And at night, when I'm cuddling with my little boy and feeling lonely and sad, reminding myself that although none of them live in Irvine, there ARE millions of single mothers out there who would kill to have my comfortable life.



Oh and, having seen this housing crash coming loud and clear in 2005 when zovall asked me to help him create the IHB, it also helps that I pocketed a comfortable nest egg when I got divorced in 2006 and sold the house...renting rather than rolling it over into another house like most people would have done...and as my ex did.</blockquote>


ISM, your post really made me think. I'm sorry you've had to go through this - it's got to be very difficult. But take comfort in the fact that you've got your beautiful boy. I sometimes wonder if I made the wrong decision to not have kids. You are fortunate in many ways. Yeah, I've got my "stuff", but in 30 years when I'm old and grey, you will still have your boy and I will be left with my cats. I'll probably have about 25 or so by then! You'll read about me on the news. . .
 
[quote author="irvinesinglemom" date=1242446387]This thread is an illustration of one reason why I don't post on IHB much any more. I'm just very different from all of you in a fundamental way, and I don't feel part of the crowd like I used to, when we focused more on the housing bubble and less on life stuff. Not that I'm complaining or saying it's a bad thing how the Forums have evolved. Just that it's not my "home" anymore.



I am the ONLY single parent in ALL of the IHB. (If there others of my ilk out there, I haven't read anything from you). Try raising a child on one salary, with NO ONE to help you! I don't have a husband, a sister, a best friend or a mother to rely on. It's all me. Talk about pressure.



So the way I keep from falling apart, and from being a mean, spiteful person (most of the time, anyway!), is regularly looking for and reading about those less fortunate than me. I do what I can to help, when I can (like for my friend earning minimum wage and living as a single mom in Aliso - now THAT's hard!). And at night, when I'm cuddling with my little boy and feeling lonely and sad, reminding myself that although none of them live in Irvine, there ARE millions of single mothers out there who would kill to have my comfortable life.



Oh and, having seen this housing crash coming loud and clear in 2005 when zovall asked me to help him create the IHB, it also helps that I pocketed a comfortable nest egg when I got divorced in 2006 and sold the house...renting rather than rolling it over into another house like most people would have done...and as my ex did.</blockquote>


ISM,



I was divorced when my daughter was 4 and she will be 13 next month. I understand your loneliness and the struggle of being a single parent for you and your ex. The constant struggle of schedule and custody time dictate your life and career.

If I can find my way to happiness then so can you. You are not alone on a boat. Do you remember the Viento article you posted several years ago the architect designed some of the plans for single parents just like you?
 
[quote author="no_vaseline" date=1242442254][quote author="usctrojanman29" date=1242441729][quote author="irvine_home_owner" date=1242441047][quote author="usctrojanman29" date=1242440702]Sweet, I want to come over when you get that set-up. Maybe throw a small poker table if there's room.</blockquote>
Poker is like jello... there is ALWAYS room for it.



Although since having kids... I haven't played very much.



<thread rerail!></blockquote>
Till you get that poker table set up, I'll have to drag you out to HG Casino with me every now and again. I've been making some decent supplemental income on the $300 No Limit table the past month or so.</blockquote>


The $300 is the juiciest of all the NL games there. Might be the best game in the house.</blockquote>
Yes it is...I've played the 8-16 and 20-40 Limit as well as the $100 NL and by far the $300 NL table is the best one (haven't had the balls to venture over to the $1000 NL yet). There are so many people will that call an all-in on a top pair with a kicker or on a draw. If you can wait it out for the right hand to come along, you can clean up pretty good on one big pot.
 
[quote author="bkshopr" date=1242443178]<img src="http://images.magellanvacations.com/images/hotels/Sagamore-SagamoreHotelGameRoom.jpg" alt="" />



IHO, here is your game lounge inspiration with curtains to conceal the game machines. OK you can have a game room in your garage but don't let it be an eyesore that hurt your neighbors comp in the area.</blockquote>
Not bad, but it does need some kind of color on the walls and the lighting is a bit much.
 
[quote author="roundcorners" date=1242369224]



We read all sorts of books, the one that is working and making the most sense is: Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Baby, in it the dr. says that babies at this age can't stay awake for more than 2-hours. He just gets so exhausted and tired, and he gets really fussy and grouchy, but he can't put himself to sleep, he doesn't know how, so he cries and cries... Plus he want's to be with us, enjoying our company... Anybody else read the book??</blockquote>


2 kids, 1.20 income (Hubby works full time, I work 1 day a week)



That's the book we use around here. My friends and I swear by it. Don't worry, at 13 weeks your baby is still figuring things out neurologically. Around 3.5 ~ 4 months, one night you'll go to bed and then both wake up at 6 am and freak out that the baby is dead. Congratulations, your baby has just slept through the night (5-6 hours) for the first time.



Every time sleep patterns and personalities get out of whack over here (travelling, illness, teething) I pull out the book and figure out what to do next. Within a couple of days, things normalize again.



I feel for you and your wife. I remember how crazy it was the first time around. My poor husband would work all day and come home to a house that was in shambles and cook dinner for us because it was just way too much for me to handle. We usually would end up eating dinner at 8pm. If we hadn't gotten the baby down to sleep by the time dinner came around, she'd be in her swing while we ate.
 
ISM -- Thank you so much for sharing and giving us all a little perspective.



I remember how much I struggled when I became a mom the first time round. Then one my friends became a single mom when her husband left, and one of my unmarried friends had a baby (boyfriend was unemployed, so no child support). Then I realized what an ungrateful wretch I was. It was a big turning point for me that enabled me to (a) realize that I had to suck it up and figure out a better way for me to take care of my family without leaning on my husband so much; and (b) reach beyond my own situation and try to do something to help my friends with their situations.



Would you mind sharing more about how you are making it all work as a single parent in Irvine? Also would you mind sharing about concrete and tangible ways for well-meaning ignorant folks like me to help out our single parent friends? I found that it was much easier to help my unmarried friend -- she was absolutely broke and very willing to accept help. My divorced friend was a professional (doctor), it seemed harder to figure out ways of helping her that she was willing to accept, even though I know that she must have been just as desperate for support during that rough time. Please, if you would share some ideas about how to be helpful, it would be much appreciated.
 
[quote author="irvinesinglemom" date=1242446387]This thread is an illustration of one reason why I don't post on IHB much any more. I'm just very different from all of you in a fundamental way, and I don't feel part of the crowd like I used to, when we focused more on the housing bubble and less on life stuff. Not that I'm complaining or saying it's a bad thing how the Forums have evolved. Just that it's not my "home" anymore.



I am the ONLY single parent in ALL of the IHB. (If there others of my ilk out there, I haven't read anything from you). Try raising a child on one salary, with NO ONE to help you! I don't have a husband, a sister, a best friend or a mother to rely on. It's all me. Talk about pressure.



So the way I keep from falling apart, and from being a mean, spiteful person (most of the time, anyway!), is regularly looking for and reading about those less fortunate than me. I do what I can to help, when I can (like for my friend earning minimum wage and living as a single mom in Aliso - now THAT's hard!). And at night, when I'm cuddling with my little boy and feeling lonely and sad, reminding myself that although none of them live in Irvine, there ARE millions of single mothers out there who would kill to have my comfortable life.



Oh and, having seen this housing crash coming loud and clear in 2005 when zovall asked me to help him create the IHB, it also helps that I pocketed a comfortable nest egg when I got divorced in 2006 and sold the house...renting rather than rolling it over into another house like most people would have done...and as my ex did.</blockquote>


ISM,



You shouldn't feel like you are not part of the crowd like you used to. Not once have i thought that you were a mean, spiteful person, but a wonderful addition to the IHB community. We like you for who you are (happily married or a single mom). I really appreciate that you were vulnerable and shared how you felt with all of us. All of us are far from perfect (especially Panda), we all have our own issues but many are too prideful to share openly like you have.



I want to encourage you with two of my favorite verses from the bible whenever Panda feels very discouraged.



"So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand." Isaiah 41:10

"For I know the plans I have for you, " declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." Jeremiah 29:11
 
[quote author="DeadbeatRoommate" date=1242491463]ISM -- Thank you so much for sharing and giving us all a little perspective.



I remember how much I struggled when I became a mom the first time round. Then one my friends became a single mom when her husband left, and one of my unmarried friends had a baby (boyfriend was unemployed, so no child support). Then I realized what an ungrateful wretch I was. It was a big turning point for me that enabled me to (a) realize that I had to suck it up and figure out a better way for me to take care of my family without leaning on my husband so much; and (b) reach beyond my own situation and try to do something to help my friends with their situations.



Would you mind sharing more about how you are making it all work as a single parent in Irvine? Also would you mind sharing about concrete and tangible ways for well-meaning ignorant folks like me to help out our single parent friends? I found that it was much easier to help my unmarried friend -- she was absolutely broke and very willing to accept help. My divorced friend was a professional (doctor), it seemed harder to figure out ways of helping her that she was willing to accept, even though I know that she must have been just as desperate for support during that rough time. Please, if you would share some ideas about how to be helpful, it would be much appreciated.</blockquote>


Deadbeat - thanks for asking this question. You are a good friend to even think along these lines.



I am in a unique situation for a single mother; I really don't have any money worries. Don't get me wrong - I live in a 1000 square foot rental and I wear clothes from Target. But like I said, I have a very comfortable nest egg from being smart in 2006 and not buying a house after the divorce. I have an advanced degree (MBA) and earn a comfortable salary as a manager in a medical device company. (I worked my butt off through college with a job, loans, etc., I bought my first car at age 23 and my first house at age 28, all with my own money...so no silver spoon in my mouth). My company is on solid ground and I never worry about getting laid off. I just bought a new car (a Toyota) a few months ago, and I spent one week hiking, kayaking and biking in Southern Utah in the beginning of May, at a resort/spa. A budget resort, as opposed to Canyon Ranch, but a resort nonetheless. So from this perspective, I know and appreciate how good I have it. So I don't have any advice for what you can do to help someone financially, except just write a check which is what I do with my friend in Aliso when things are getting particularly bad for her and her daughter.



My problem is solely social. I have a best friend in Texas, and a best friend in San Francisco. I am a "different" kind of person so I don't make friends too easily. I have a father in San Diego but it's not like he's up here every weekend helping out or anything. We see each other once every few months. So I spend most of my off-work time alone with my son.



What do I mean by "different"? I'm not religious, for one thing. In fact, I'm what most people would call an athiest although I hate being labeled. (I choose to call myself "tolerant" - I believe everyone should be free to worship - or not worship - exactly as they please as long as their resulting words and actions cause no harm to other people, including their own children. Personally, I find the thought of causing harm to another person to be completely repugnant, but there are many, many religious people who wouldn't hesitate to...think Crusades, think 9/11, think Palestine/Israel, and on and on. The author Christopher Hitchens does a more articulate job than I do explaining what I believe and why I believe it. Anyway, not being religious is a big roadblock to forming relationships in this country since most people are believers and, while I can get along just fine with a believer on a shallow basis, I can't form a deep friendship and certainly can't imagine a romantic relationship with such a person.) And something else that is different about me is that I'm an extreme athlete cloaked in an overweight mom's body. If I had full control of my life (like I did when I was in my 20s), I would go hiking every day with the OC Hiking and Backpacking club, I'd lift weights 3 days a week, and do two hours on the Stepmill 4 days a week, in addition to traveling all over the country and the world to the best hiking destinations several times a year. I would join all kinds of clubs and attend all the social events of the IHB, etc.



But I have a higher priority than my own selfish needs - I am not one of those absent moms who takes care of her own needs first. I absolutely refuse to pick up my son from school, where he spent all day in before and after-school care along with three hours of kindergarten, and proceed to drop him off at a babysitters or at the gym babysitters so I can go for a hike or a gym workout, or go out on a social event. He spends 10 hours a day away from me - I think that a mother who would voluntarily go to a class, or out with friends, or to the gym, after being away from her child for 10 hours, should never have become a mom in the first place.
 
I dunno about the rest of you, I'm proud to know ISM. We're pretty far from being close, but I consider you a friend - and someone who has thier priorities straight.



Go get 'em girlfriend.
 
Wow novas - and here I came back to this thread to delete...or significantly modify, my post because I am afraid it is WAY too much information about me, as well as being full of spiteful sentiment and self-pity. Specifically, I do not feel superior to your average religious person (aka, someone like SoCal78 who, while extremely religious, is certainly as unlikely to go out and inflict harm on a person of a differing religion (or no religion!) as I am.) I do not want SoCal, or Panda, or any other of the good people here, who happen to believe in God, to read my post and get pissed or angry or whatever. Believe me, if I could believe in what you guys believe, I certainly would! It is THE source of comfort for billions of otherwise hopeless people. However, that is as impossible for me, as it would be for you to embrace my non-belief. Just ain't gonna happen - we're not built that way!



And, I have TOTALLY hijacked poor Roundcorners thread! And boy howdy do I feel his pain! My son didn't sleep through the night for 22 months, and his incessant crying was part of the situation that led to the end of my marriage (not that it wasn't going to end anyway, but spending several sleep-deprived years doesn't do much for a marriage even when things are perfect between the couple.) I used food in place of sleep in order not to crash my car while driving to work every day, and nodded off at the wheel with my baby/toddler in the back on the way to work/daycare more times than I care to admit. All I can say is, be strong and don't be afraid to try letting the baby cry it out. I wish I had stuck it out. When he was 7 months old, I was so mad at my son for torturing me with sleep deprivation that I said "F--ck it" and put on headphones and watched half a day's worth of "24" on disc while he cried, and cried, and cried, and cried. He cried for over four hours. My husband left - went to a hotel or his girlfriend's house, I'll never know for sure. Anyway, he did finally stop crying that night. But the next night, I gave in after just about an hour. I just couldn't do it. I was weak - so I gave in and spent another 15 months being, literally, tortured by extreme sleep deprivation. My physiology will never be the same - I believe that some of the physical problems I currently suffer from are a direct outcome of only sleeping 3-5 hours per night for 2 years, in 45-minute increments.



I composed, and sent, such a scathing, hate-filled email to Dr. Sears that I'm surprised his bodyguards didn't send the police after me. (I had also followed his "natural childbirth" cult bullsh-t all the way through the birth of my 9lb, 8oz boy, without so much as a Tylenol, and subsequently taking a year for the 4th degree scar to heal completely. What they say about women forgetting the pain of childbirth? HaH! Well, my son is only 6 years old, so maybe I just need to let a few more years go by in order to forget!



Okay, okay, what was I saying about providing too much information and hijacking this thread? Yikes!



Roundcorners, all I can say about keeping your financial boat afloat is: cut back your automatic monthly expenses as much as possible (I haven't subsribed to television in 4 years, for example), don't go to the mall, don't use your credit card except in an emergency, and DON"T compare yourself to anybody because truly, you just don't know what goes on behind the closed doors of people's lives.
 
ISM is very much like me in so many ways. Fortunately, I have a wonderful husband who is there every step of the way. Even with two people, it is very hard to try to do anything outside of work and home. It just doesn't make sense when you spend 40+ hours a week at work with a nanny and a preschool taking care of your kids to try to do anything else. My husband and I just went out to dinner tonight and realized that it has been 10 months since the last time we have had dinner without the kids. I have so many other reasons for agreeing with her religious philosophies, but that is an entirely different story. Thanks ISM for being here, we always look forward to hearing from you.



Adding to this post-I never read anything about the every two hour thing, but I can say from experience that I made sure my son went to sleep at least every two hours for his first 4 or 5 months. I think it was a sanity thing for me and he seemed to always be tired anyway. We swaddled him until he was 6 months (from another book, of course). He has always been a great sleeper and started sleeping through the night sporadically at 3 months and consistently at 5 months. Sleep has never been an issue for him but I'll tell you right now that he never slept in our bed until after 2 years old and even then only on the occasion of a nightmare (with a mom that was too tired to argue with him or put him back to bed). We made a rule after that, no sleeping in mommy and daddy's bed for two nights in a row. He just turned 5 and I can't remember the last time he came to our bed in the middle of the night. I'm sure co-sleeping works for some but the parents I know who did it are still struggling with their 4 and 5 year olds right now.
 
My mother claims I didn't sleep through the night until I was 4. My grandmother used to watch me from 10p to 6a so my mom and dad could get some sleep (she didn't sleep either). Two or three hours was pretty standard.



My wife claims I <em>never</em> have slept through the night.
 
[quote author="irvinesinglemom" date=1242565082]Wow novas - and here I came back to this thread to delete...or significantly modify, my post because I am afraid it is WAY too much information about me, as well as being full of spiteful sentiment and self-pity. Specifically, I do not feel superior to your average religious person (aka, someone like SoCal78 who, while extremely religious, is certainly as unlikely to go out and inflict harm on a person of a differing religion (or no religion!) as I am.) I do not want SoCal, or Panda, or any other of the good people here, who happen to believe in God, to read my post and get pissed or angry or whatever. Believe me, if I could believe in what you guys believe, I certainly would! It is THE source of comfort for billions of otherwise hopeless people. However, that is as impossible for me, as it would be for you to embrace my non-belief. Just ain't gonna happen - we're not built that way!</blockquote>


Thanks for your kind intentions with your follow-up comment.. I wasn't going to respond, but didn't want to leave it with readers thinking I'm "extremely religious" which could sound like I'm some sort of a radical extremist. I don't declare jihad or go bomb abortion clinics. As a side note (because I don't want to perpetuate the atheist idea that religion is an emotional crutch): I don't believe what I do because I'm looking for comfort and warm fuzzies. Only thirteen years ago, I decided to investigate why these Christian lunatics believe what they do and hopefully dismiss it for myself once and for all. Instead, my "faith" became based on the historical facts surrounding the life, death, and resurrection of Jesus Christ as well as modern day fulfillment of prophecy. It was fact, not emotion, that made my decision for me. Nobody who believes and understands the housing bubble and the facts surrounding it could make this decision without a clear understanding. Like you, I don't make decisions based on emotion... I'm not built that way either... hope that explains. I want you to know that even though you have dismissed ever having more than a shallow connection with someone like me, my door will always be open to you if you want a friend.
 
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