How do you have kids here?

[bltserv_IHB]

Single with No kids these days.

But when we were raising our son and Lived in Long Beach and Aliso.

2 Incomes. And it was almost impossible if one of us was out of work for long.

The Ex took 18 months off when he was born. But without both of us working

it was too stressful. Yes childcare sucks. Afterschool care is a pain.

Summer Camp is expensive. But we made it work.

Now that he is an Adult. I dont know how we did it for so many years.

Bravo to all you stay at home Moms.

 

[GoIllini_IHB]

How do you have kids here? I confess... I took the easy way out. I borrowed one when parental urges overcame sanity. Twenty years ago, I was best man at the wedding of some close friends. Nature took its course, and they now have a beautiful 16-year-old daughter. From age one to age twelve, I was the baby sitter of choice. No charge, and the kid was completely comfortable staying with me for a few hours, a day, or weekend. When she was in third grade, her parents even took a week-long trip out of the country, and I was surrogate parent. I used her as "bait" when we would go to the beach or mall. A lot easier for a guy to strike up a conversation with an ADULT female when you have a little one in tow. Some of my favorite memories are of little arms giving me great big hugs, or helping with arithmetic, spelling, or science homework. I have to get over to see my friends this weekend (typical once or twice a week) because their daughter is going to a prom, and I understand from her dad that seeing her in her prom dress is just **breathtaking**.

I frankly do not see how it is possible for a young couple to raise a family in OC the "traditional" way of their grandparents. The economics are just impossible. Extended families (or trusted friends) may help, but it sure looks tough, and my hat is off to those who succeed.

 

[SoCal78_IHB]

RC - thanks for your post. I understand how taxing it is. I voted "single income, multiple kids" in your poll. When we had our first baby, we moved to Chino and I became a stay at home mom. Our motivation for moving there was that it was less expensive than orange county. At first my husband worked in Huntington Beach (Boeing) and commuted. He left in the early mornings and I didn't see him again until night time. Yes, I hear what you say - it is draining for everybody. We had no help from friends or family at all so it was all on me, all day every day and on him. Then he worked in Irvine and it became a better commute via the toll road but still didn't see him all day. We had a second baby. The idea to stay home was a no-brainer for us. It is all I ever wanted growing up and once I had the baby I knew that he belonged with me to take care of him and frankly I could not imagine not seeing him all day and leaving him in someone else's full-time care. It was worth any sacrifice to be able to take care of our baby. Also with the job I had just prior to kids and looking at what our expenses would have been with full-time childcare and the other expenses of working (gas, taxes, clothes, picking up dinners, etc) it would have gobbled up just about everything I made so it was not worth it and it was a further commute than my husband's. It is great not having to worry who is going to take the day off when the baby is sick or when you have to work over-time. As years went on, our expenses did not increase but our income did so then we were living way below our means and pocketed the difference. The five years I spent in Chino taught me that you can be happy living outside of the O.C.! The trade-off might be the drive for the commuter in your family. What city do you work in?

Sorry but I do not understand what you mean about sleep-training the baby to not be awake for more than 2 hours (in the daytime?) What's that all about? I have read a lot of parenting stuff and never heard this. I think it is awesome that you are such a good husband and dad.... but maybe your wife could use a helping hand with another support system too. There is something called Mom's Club that has local chapters just about everywhere. Maybe she would like this.

We are still basically on one income although I recently went to work part-time, minimal hours, in early mornings when the boys are still sleeping so then I get home and I am still full-time mom too. (I will return to work when my little one goes to school but we will never make our finances hinge on two incomes, only one. This is our rule set in stone.) My husband still works, of course. I am grateful that we have the opportunity of even entertaining the idea of buying anything in this area on one income. But it has been 10 years of saving, no vacations, and other cost-cutting. You have to have a plan and stick to it. It is not going to happen over night. Develop a strategy and it will work out. Best wishes for you.

 

[Anonymous_IHB]

Either we eat take-out so much that our credit card bill is twice the amount or we (cook) eat in and we miss our son’s bed time.

1. Go to Albertsons. Buy the big frozen Albertson's brand bag of beef ravioli and some pre-seasoned spaghetti sauce (jar is convenient, but a can is cheaper - can reuse a clean jar if you have one to store leftover sauce from the can). Buy a bag of frozen mixed vegetables.

2. Boil water in a pot on the stove. Add some frozen beef ravioli and boil for 5 minutes. Drain and put some spaghetti sauce in there and stir it and serve it right in the pot on the table.

3. Meanwhile, put the frozen vegetables in microwaveable container with a few spoons of water and microwave for 5 minutes.

Dinner in 5 minutes. For 2 people, likely can get 3 meals out of it - costs about $12 where $12/3= $4 each night. Shove the pot and the microwaveable container into the dishwasher = no cleanup pretty much.

 

[ipoplaya_IHB]

Dual income now. In 3 weeks it will be single income as wife will be a stay at home mom with the newborn.

Wow, seems like just yesterday I was selling you a car seat and your wife wasn't even showing yet! Before my first son came, at right about this stage of pregnancy with less than a month to go, I was really starting to freak out. Wondered how I was going to be able to handle the baby. Wondered how I would respond to the utter change to our lifestyle. Worried about finances. Worried about the how my wife would fare under the stress of a newborn...

You'll likely be running on adrenalin the first few weeks after the baby is born (I used to get up when my wife did in the middle of the night to feed the baby and occupy myself with cleaning the house, doing laundry, etc.) and then get slammed by the sleep deprivation et all once the newness of everything wears off. Just remember, that grind will pass quickly too and right around the likely peak of your exhaustion and frustration, the baby will start sleeping longer, your wife will be happier, and life will starting making sense again. It really is amazing how you can live your whole life without a child to take care of and get used to having one so quickly...

 

[High Gravity_IHB]

If you have a 13 week old in the house and still have the energy and clarity of mind to be the chief ethnographer of this forum, you are not as bad off as you think.

 

[SoCal78_IHB]

(I used to get up when my wife did in the middle of the night to feed the baby and occupy myself with cleaning the house, doing laundry, etc.)

Wow, you're an amazing dad. You get two thumbs up just for that one.

 

[roundcorners_IHB]

thanks for the response and concern... our situation is not as tough, I guess I needed to vent! I can't wait till 08 taxes are over; it's not every month you pay taxes; and those HOAG medical bills from the delivery are steep! Well when we get those expenses over with; we'll be back in the black. It's just a temporary delay in the down payment...

 

[Sunshine_IHB]

Quite a few DINKS here. You guys must be loaded.

Nope. I've set up my automatic debt payments (mortgage and student loans) and retirement and savings contributions so that I'm left with a checking account balance that gives me just enough to live on a month-to-month basis. My friends used to tease me because I refused to buy a new car until somebody stole it. Yet, one such friend took on a huge car lease when she had about $15K-$20K in CC debt (I had a fit). Another friend used to complain to me about $ yet she takes the toll road two ways every day (no kids; she's not married). She couldn't believe it when I told her that I only take the toll road about once every 3-4 weeks when I think it's absolutely necessary to do so (my commute is about 30 miles).

 

[ipoplaya_IHB]

You got me thinking about it rc and I just calculated that we spend the equivalent of $45K gross salary on domestic help, i.e. nanny and maids, on an annualized basis. That means that after accounting for these expenses my wife is working for somewhere around $19-20/hour. Doesn't seem like enough to deal with the hassles of teaching and not seeing the kids...

Then again, she has great and cheap benefits (we insure the whole family for a little over $100 per month on an after-tax basis), guarantee pay raises and is getting service credit toward her pension plan that should pay her around $4K per month in today's dollars when she retires. When we discussed her staying home, what seems like ages ago when we had our first child, we came to the conclusion that that job security, good schedule, and future retirement benefits, etc. of her teaching was worth the sacrifice during these early years.

Given that I'll be losing my job soon, I'm extremely glad we made that decision. If she would have been at home with the kids these past four years and my company went bust like it is, we'd have really been in a tight spot.

 

[irvine_home_owner_IHB]

You'll likely be running on adrenalin the first few weeks after the baby is born (I used to get up when my wife did in the middle of the night to feed the baby and occupy myself with cleaning the house, doing laundry, etc.) and then get slammed by the sleep deprivation et all once the newness of everything wears off.

Yeah... we had a deal... if she had to get up in the middle of the night to feed the baby... I had to get up too to change the diapers.

Just remember, that grind will pass quickly too and right around the likely peak of your exhaustion and frustration, the baby will start sleeping longer, your wife will be happier, and life will starting making sense again. It really is amazing how you can live your whole life without a child to take care of and get used to having one so quickly...

It's so weird... we were looking at baby pictures recently and you actually look back at those hectic times and miss them... especially now that they are at the age where they tell you how much they "dislike" you because you won't give them what they want.

One thing to any DINKs out there who want kids but don't think they are "ready"... it's all relative. In most cases you'll find that you are ready as anyone else could be and that once you have one... you may wish you would have done so earlier (at least that's how I felt).

 

[Cubic Zirconia_IHB]

Am currently oscillating between unemployed and ungainfully employed, but DH is bringing the paycheck home. No credit card debt, no car payments, no student loans, but there is a mortgage. Bought whatever we could afford on one salary rather than buying something combined income can. So mortgage is $200 more than our rentnWe still drive Accord and camry resp. while everyone around us have moved on to bigger better wheels.

When you have small kids things do get out of control financially. Esp the first year.. but it gets easier later. Focus more on the emotional side of the relation than the finances now. Your wife needs your support more than ever. I am not saying spend away, but I would suggest not to worry too much as long as things are in control.

cz

 

[ipoplaya_IHB]

It's so weird... we were looking at baby pictures recently and you actually look back at those hectic times and miss them... especially now that they are at the age where they tell you how much they "dislike" you because you won't give them what they want.

I don't miss the baby stage one bit... Give me walking and talking any day!

 

[irvine_home_owner_IHB]

It's so weird... we were looking at baby pictures recently and you actually look back at those hectic times and miss them... especially now that they are at the age where they tell you how much they "dislike" you because you won't give them what they want.

I don't miss the baby stage one bit... Give me walking and talking any day!

Liar. I don't know a single dad who doesn't miss holding his baby in his arms and seeing him/her laugh for the first time or getting the satisfaction of the "urp" after patting their back after a feeding.

Walking and talking has its own pitfalls... like when walking turns into your 3-year old tripping and taking a header into a metal clothes rack and having stitches put into their head (probably one of the worse moments of my life... holding my child's forehead together trying to stop the bleeding until the EMTs arrive).

But I don't want to scare the DINKs... having kids is the best thing ever... at every stage.

 

[ipoplaya_IHB]

Liar. I don't know a single dad who doesn't miss holding his baby in his arms and seeing him/her laugh for the first time or getting the satisfaction of the "urp" after patting their back after a feeding.

I have many fond memories of that stage but I don't miss it in the sense that the hardships were probably just as equivalent to the good times, i.e. it was mostly a zero sum game. Most of the hardship in raising my boys is gone now that they are almost 5 and 2.5 so every day is a bonus... For me, the baby stage was something I survived to get to this wonderful time of their lives. My wife would totally disagree with this notion of course!

 

[Anonymous_IHB]

It's so weird... we were looking at baby pictures recently and you actually look back at those hectic times and miss them... especially now that they are at the age where they tell you how much they "dislike" you because you won't give them what they want.

I don't miss the baby stage one bit... Give me walking and talking any day!

Liar. I don't know a single dad who doesn't miss holding his baby in his arms and seeing him/her laugh for the first time or getting the satisfaction of the "urp" after patting their back after a feeding.

Walking and talking has its own pitfalls... like when walking turns into your 3-year old tripping and taking a header into a metal clothes rack and having stitches put into their head (probably one of the worse moments of my life... holding my child's forehead together trying to stop the bleeding until the EMTs arrive).

But I don't want to scare the DINKs... having kids is the best thing ever... at every stage.

Old pediatrician's joke:

You wait and wait for them to walk and talk ..

.. and then you spend the next 16 years telling them to sit down and shut up

 

[Mcdonna1980_IHB]

You got me thinking about it rc and I just calculated that we spend the equivalent of $45K gross salary on domestic help, i.e. nanny and maids, on an annualized basis. That means that after accounting for these expenses my wife is working for somewhere around $19-20/hour. Doesn't seem like enough to deal with the hassles of teaching and not seeing the kids...

ohhh those type of calculations are painful. I told myself I'd never run the numbers again or else I would surely never show up for work again. sigh... Run the hourly pay after taxes and commuting costs and it really stings.

 

[roundcorners_IHB]

Sorry but I do not understand what you mean about sleep-training the baby to not be awake for more than 2 hours (in the daytime?) What's that all about? I have read a lot of parenting stuff and never heard this. quote]

We read all sorts of books, the one that is working and making the most sense is: Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Baby, in it the dr. says that babies at this age can't stay awake for more than 2-hours. He just gets so exhausted and tired, and he gets really fussy and grouchy, but he can't put himself to sleep, he doesn't know how, so he cries and cries... Plus he want's to be with us, enjoying our company... Anybody else read the book??

 

[roundcorners_IHB]

as many of you said, we always rely just on my income; my wife will return to the IUSD in the fall part-time; luckily being in sales, I have total flexibility... The way I'm saving now, is like if we had a mortgage, I always saved that way, even when I was living with my mom, I saved the difference in rent... where is that "thrift" or "frugal" thread, maybe we should revive it!

 

[roundcorners_IHB]

thanks for the encouragement about the baby... I keep hearing that they grow up so fast, and I believe it; but I guess every stage has it's challenges, right up until they are 18 right! Well even then, they are a pain, I sure was...