Daughters first day of school...went through a box of kleenex

R

rkp

Well-known member
our 16 month old daughter started westpark montessori today and there were lots of tears from her and us...heck grand parents were in tears and werent even there!  she had fun as long as she could keep an eye on us but as soon as we tried to disappear, she would freak out.  will keep trying but we are weaklings when its comes to seeing her cry...

she has only been with us and grand parents so far...never a baby sitter or any new person watching her outside of trying the kids club at 24 hour fitness a couple times so this is a tough transition for all of us.  hoping we can get through the week and not give up too quickly

any words of advice?
 
Aww :)
You brought back memories of our own day care drop offs.. she would be playing, having fun with her teacher, but the moment she saw me, she would start crying. I think I cried more than her the first week. I rethought my decision to stay in the workforce several times, but then, we survived. The second week was easier on both, and a month later, it was a part of our lifestyle. There was no guilt, or second thought about staying home with her. Stay strong, you can do it! So can Mrs. RKP!

As for tears.. I shed the same amount when I dropped her off at the Middle School last fall. With the first child, every separation is emotional.
 
Most kids will adjust... hopefully... parents and grandparents too.

I believe Westpark Montessori also has observation rooms so you can drop-in and check on your girl without her knowing.
 
Man, I feel like i missed something...as soon as my kids saw other kids they bolted away laughing...Mrs. Morekaos felt a bit cheated.
 
Every kid is different, but first few weeks will always be an adjustment.  If the tears don't stop, ask the teachers for help, my daughter is still a bit guarded when I drop her off, but then the teacher noticed and always hold her hand or put her on her lap so she feels less abandoned.  It works and I'm very appreciative of that gesture.  Is your kid full time?  Part timers take even longer to adjust...

I got stuck with drop off (sad face mornings) while my wife gets to pick up (my mommy's here! Hurray!).  Make it a routine especially the beginning.  Spend some extra time in the morning and go over the days routine so the kid will know what to expect (you're having pasta for lunch, yum!).  I sometimes drop her off early since there are more teachers to help her settle in before the majority of the kids show up. 

Good luck
 
thanks for the tips.  definitely need to create routines so she knows what to expect

we totally took advantage of the observation room.  one of us was hiding out in there while the other tried to help integrate her in.  actually grandparents showed up for an hour and hung out in there too so we had a full house in the little room :)

tomorrow, we plan on only helping her for an hour and then hanging out in the observation room for 3-4 hours

westpark doesnt have any options other than full time.  thats not to say that you cant use it as a part time but you will be paying the same.  our goal is a 9-3 program but we will be happy if she can just do 9-12:30 this week and take naps at home. 
 
When our older daughter started preschool at two and a half, her teacher encouraged us to keep the drop off short and direct, rather than linger.  I was assigned to the daily drop offs, so I would never stay for more than a few minutes before saying bye and quickly striding out the door as she started crying her lungs out.  I'm told she'd wail for 5-10 minutes, and then go about the rest of the (half) day without much problem.  By week 3, there was no crying or even a sad face in the morning.  By about the 2 month mark, my daughter would ask hopefully on a Sunday if she's going to school.

What definitely didn't go over well was once when my daughter didn't hear me say bye or see me leaving.  The next time she looked for me, she had a meltdown and it took the better part of an hour for her to calm down.
 
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don't worry rkp, it will get better. give it a month. most of the kids in my daughter's toddler class took about a month to get over the tears. soon she will not want to go home when you pick her up!
 
Yes, don't worry.  Once the teachers get to know your child better, they will get very effective in distracting her at drop-off.  When we went, the teachers figured out my child loved the art projects.  Whenever we came in to drop her off, the first thing they would say to her was "Do you want to do art?  We have a new art project for today!  C'mon let's go!"


 
 
You are the ultimate helicopter parent. Just drop your kid off and leave...she'll be fine. The faster you leave, the easier it is on everyone. Just say that you're having a hard time and not your child.

I get that the school set up a viewing room and let's you stay in the class, but trust me when I say the teachers most likely find you annoying. You also worry other parents like me. As I drop off my daughter I'll think, what's up with this creep hanging out in the class. Who's going to be responsible for keeping an eye on this guy?
 
MovingOnUp said:
You are the ultimate helicopter parent. Just drop your kid off and leave...she'll be fine. The faster you leave, the easier it is on everyone. Just say that you're having a hard time and not your child.

I get that the school set up a viewing room and let's you stay in the class, but trust me when I say the teachers most likely find you annoying. You also worry other parents like me. As I drop off my daughter I'll think, what's up with this creep hanging out in the class. Who's going to be responsible for keeping an eye on this guy?
Click to expand...

Don't be so hard on him...it's tough!

It is a good idea, from what I hear, to say goodbye and leave quickly, like MovingOnUp said. Having a quick but consistent goodbye routine has been helpful for us. One thing I've heard never to do is just disappear without saying goodbye, even if your child seems to be having lots of fun (because then they will start thinking you could just disappear at any time).

Good luck!
 
traceimage said:
MovingOnUp said:
You are the ultimate helicopter parent. Just drop your kid off and leave...she'll be fine. The faster you leave, the easier it is on everyone. Just say that you're having a hard time and not your child.

I get that the school set up a viewing room and let's you stay in the class, but trust me when I say the teachers most likely find you annoying. You also worry other parents like me. As I drop off my daughter I'll think, what's up with this creep hanging out in the class. Who's going to be responsible for keeping an eye on this guy?
Click to expand...

Don't be so hard on him...it's tough!

It is a good idea, from what I hear, to say goodbye and leave quickly, like MovingOnUp said. Having a quick but consistent goodbye routine has been helpful for us. One thing I've heard never to do is just disappear without saying goodbye, even if your child seems to be having lots of fun (because then they will start thinking you could just disappear at any time).

Good luck!
Click to expand...

My apologies. Going forward, constructive commentary only.

RKP should inquire about enrolling himself.
 
+100 on previous commenters about the "short and sweet" drop off method. Just be consistent in your goodbye but keep it brief and move on. All kids will have some difficulty with seperation but it will get better with time--for you and your child. Good luck.
 
Every kid adjusts at a different pace, but they all adjust and almost always end up loving it cuz they get to play with their friends.  Sometimes it can take weeks.  The only time I've ever heard of a child not adjusting is a crazy neurotic mom that would never leave and give her child a chance to be on her own.  After a week or two, she pulled her kid out saying her kid wasn't happy...I think the mom was just not ready, not the kid.  I love my daughter's montessori.  Great environment to learn, socialize and interact.  Like you, we started our daughter in the toddler program.  One of the greatest fringe benifits for starting them in the toddler program is that they will help potty train your child.  That rocks!  Some of our closest friends are other parents of children in my daughter's class.  Be prepared to go to a ton of bday parties.  Good luck in the transition, once your daughter makes some friends, she won't even remember to give you a hug and kiss at drop-off. 
 
its been a week and she has adjusted really well.  she still cries as soon as we pull up to school but the tears go away within 10 minutes.  i keep the drop offs short and sweet and make sure she hears me on the goodbye and that i will be back after nap time (TI has been super helpful).  she isnt always happy but she isnt sad either and there are periods where she is genuinely interested and happy.  so far so good.

for other parents reading this and considering the transition, do utilize the observation room.  dont be deterred by silly notions like helicopter parenting which is meaningless when your child is a toddler.  the school advertises it heavily and encourages parents to use it during the first couple weeks.  there are so many things we noticed that we just wouldnt be able to if we werent there to see her full routine.  little things like how they sleep, how they eat from plates and not bowls stuck to the table like at home, how its always cold milk and never warm milk.  all this stuff is massive change for our kid and by noting these things, we were able to help at home so that school isnt a 180 from home.  every kid is different and for some, dropping off and never looking back might work fine but for ours who has not had more than ~3 hours total in her life away from me, her mom, or her grandparents, its a huge change and shock to not recognize a soul. 

so far, we were by her side most of day 1 and spent a couple hours watching on day 2.  the rest has been drop off, watch for 5-10 min, and then come back at lunch or right be nap time, observe for 15-20 min, and then observe for 5-10 min before picking her up

there is definitely a difference between crying all day and yelling in terror.  terror isnt healthy and no one learns under such stress.  there was a 2 year old that started today and she was going berserk when i was there observing at lunch time.  one of the teachers ran to the observation room after they tried to pacify her for ~30 min and was surprised that her dad and mom werent in there as they insisted they stay the whole day.  apparently that girl was like ours with minimal 3rd party care. 

any way, i think we will stick to our routine for remainder of this week and cut the afternoon observation out next week
 
To clarify, the observations rooms used by the Irvine Montessori schools are typically one-way so that the children don't know their parents are observing them. It's a good way to allow parents to observe what their kids do outside of their influence without affecting their behavior.

And it's not about helicoptering... as rkp points out, it actually is a learning experience as well as allows for transparency to allow parents to observe what the staff is doing.

Sometimes I wish public elementary schools had them because unless you're a volunteer parent... much of what goes on is smoke and mirrors.
 
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