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- Thread starter socal78
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I've sent you the pics so you can decide.
I'd like to withold Qwerty's rating just until you've had a chance to see them. Call it: "Getting a second opinion".
Actually, Qwerty did offer wonderful dating advice for her which I thought was very insightful. He provided a good, honest, detailed assessment. It did confirm some of her worst fears and mine for her. However, I believe it is necessary to know how she is perceived by men in order to know where she stands, realistically. I really appreciate the feedback.
Just curious why she is not your type. You're not into white women? Too nerdy? (She knows she's nerdy.) Not voluptuous enough in the right places? The younger the better? I think she's getting a tiny bit panicked because of her age. (She had hoped to have kids. Biological clock ticking away.)
Sadly, around this age, it seems like all the good men are taken.
I'm sorry you think I'm not interested in helping her but honestly, I truly do want good things to come her way... just not at the expense of an entirely unsuspecting person (that wouldn't be fair). If you go back a few posts or pages, you'll see I did point out the good qualities about her such as being understanding, generous, compassionate, etc. I also acknowledged none of us are perfect. It does upset me to see her forlorn. If there was some guy up for a challenge - and I do think there could be - I'd be up to having them meet. I do think you are on to one thing, though, and that is the quality of our friendship. Her "abrasiveness", as my husband calls it, is not limited to men. It extends to me and her other "friends", too. I have found it difficult to be a close friend with her, so, I would say we're not as close as we used to be. Even if her and I are not the best match, I hope she can find other friends and yes, a boyfriend, who are a better match for her. It is difficult to put into words but I hope it helps explain a bit. I feel sorry for her, period.
As far as turning the tables, I wouldn't expect a friend to keep in contact with me at all if I treated them the way she does sometimes (not saying it's her fault - she does have some issues she's grappling with, I believe). No matter what, I've always been available to her.
Right now I am 35 and I would give myself a 6.5 because I'm carrying around too much extra weight. If u asked me at 28, I would give myself an 8.5. While I give myself a 6.5 now I am a very confident person. The confidence comes from me considering myself an 8.5 when I was younger coupled with my career success and income. I also know that if I wanted I can hit the gym hard for about 4 months I can get back to what I was at 28. So while physically now I may be a 6.5, I still think like an 8.5
irvinehomeowner
Well-known member
So? 4? 5? 12?qwerty said:
irvinehomeowner
Well-known member
That bad huh? XD
socal78
Well-known member
irvinehomeowner said:
I've sent you the pics so you can decide.
I'd like to withold Qwerty's rating just until you've had a chance to see them. Call it: "Getting a second opinion".
Actually, Qwerty did offer wonderful dating advice for her which I thought was very insightful. He provided a good, honest, detailed assessment. It did confirm some of her worst fears and mine for her. However, I believe it is necessary to know how she is perceived by men in order to know where she stands, realistically. I really appreciate the feedback.
irvinehomeowner
Well-known member
Not knowing which one is more current... I think I agree with your 4/10 assessment. She has potential but not sure if she has the motivation.
The straight shot... she probably needs to exercise. I'm no super fit guy, but unfairly so, guys can get away with being out of shape (Kevin James, Jim Belushi, etc) whereas women get held to a higher standard by men.
Although, I'm sure she's attractive to other men... the problem here is with the description of her character, I think it colors her for me because I'm thinking... "And she's mean too?". What's interesting is in some pictures she looks better than others.
Disclaimer: She's not really my "type"... so that might lend to my assessment. And I like big women... maybe her hair is too short. And again, I'm not a catch either so take it for what it's worth from an ugly overweight dude.
The straight shot... she probably needs to exercise. I'm no super fit guy, but unfairly so, guys can get away with being out of shape (Kevin James, Jim Belushi, etc) whereas women get held to a higher standard by men.
Although, I'm sure she's attractive to other men... the problem here is with the description of her character, I think it colors her for me because I'm thinking... "And she's mean too?". What's interesting is in some pictures she looks better than others.
Disclaimer: She's not really my "type"... so that might lend to my assessment. And I like big women... maybe her hair is too short. And again, I'm not a catch either so take it for what it's worth from an ugly overweight dude.
socal78
Well-known member
Very interesting replies. Thank you for weighing in. It is interesting to compare the comments.
Imo, the # assigned by Iho and Qwerty reflects also on how they view themselves. Qwerty scored her a 3 and "ugly". Iho scored her a 4 and "attractive to other men". It reminds me of this experiment. This was very interesting to watch! Please do!
[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FB1oMfs8nWY[/youtube]
Imo, the # assigned by Iho and Qwerty reflects also on how they view themselves. Qwerty scored her a 3 and "ugly". Iho scored her a 4 and "attractive to other men". It reminds me of this experiment. This was very interesting to watch! Please do!
[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FB1oMfs8nWY[/youtube]
socal78
Well-known member
irvinehomeowner said:
Just curious why she is not your type. You're not into white women? Too nerdy? (She knows she's nerdy.) Not voluptuous enough in the right places? The younger the better? I think she's getting a tiny bit panicked because of her age. (She had hoped to have kids. Biological clock ticking away.)
Sadly, around this age, it seems like all the good men are taken.
socal78
Well-known member
Oh and you are so not ugly - if you are who I think you are. But I know you view yourself as such. That is why it's interesting to know how a self professed "ugly guy" would perceive her.
I don't know what Qwerty looks like but I get the feeling he has a whole lot of confidence! It could be because he's very good looking or just not afraid to take chances. There was another program on Discovery like that clip I posted -- it was about how men - no matter how attractive or unattractive - are more successful getting dates the more bold they are. It just boils down to statistics.... the number of attempts, even if the odds are low. I don't know if it works that way for women but for her sake, I hope so!
I don't know what Qwerty looks like but I get the feeling he has a whole lot of confidence! It could be because he's very good looking or just not afraid to take chances. There was another program on Discovery like that clip I posted -- it was about how men - no matter how attractive or unattractive - are more successful getting dates the more bold they are. It just boils down to statistics.... the number of attempts, even if the odds are low. I don't know if it works that way for women but for her sake, I hope so!
qwerty
Well-known member
Here is what I sent SoCal last nite:
I would say your friend is a 3 or 4, so you were pretty accurate. A plain woman who is thin/mostly in shape with no redeeming physical features is a 5 to 6 in my book. Then you add/subtract from there. Three things stood out to me about your friend, her nose - too big, her eyebrows are arched way too much and probably too thin, lastly her hair is too short. If she had long wavy hair, it would definitely help her out as it would be a redeeming feature vs currently a detraction. I would say your friend is ugly, not very ugly, but would say she actually qualifies as ugly. Regarding her body, she appears to be a bit overweight but not someone you would necessarily say is fat. But again, since she has no other physical redeeming features she needs to lose weight to improve her chances. Since she is not well endowed in the chest area the extra weight just makes her overall body look worse. In a setting where you dont get a chance to know someone over time, such as dating sites, bars, blind dates, etc. your friend is going to have a very tough time meeting a guy that is higher than 3-4 himself. Using these dating sites she can probably get some fat dude with low self esteem but other than that she will have problems landing someone. Her best chances of meeting someone is probably in a work environment where her personality can grow on someone and they can overlook her physical flaws, unfortunately it doesnt sound like she has a good personality so your friend is shit out of luck. Your husband is probably right, a nose job, different eyebrows and if she lost some weight it could substantially change things. But then she probably gets to a 5. The "close friend" is not much better, similar category so they probably commiserate/empathize with each other. Good luck finding her a man, you are going to need it! Hope this helps.
I would say your friend is a 3 or 4, so you were pretty accurate. A plain woman who is thin/mostly in shape with no redeeming physical features is a 5 to 6 in my book. Then you add/subtract from there. Three things stood out to me about your friend, her nose - too big, her eyebrows are arched way too much and probably too thin, lastly her hair is too short. If she had long wavy hair, it would definitely help her out as it would be a redeeming feature vs currently a detraction. I would say your friend is ugly, not very ugly, but would say she actually qualifies as ugly. Regarding her body, she appears to be a bit overweight but not someone you would necessarily say is fat. But again, since she has no other physical redeeming features she needs to lose weight to improve her chances. Since she is not well endowed in the chest area the extra weight just makes her overall body look worse. In a setting where you dont get a chance to know someone over time, such as dating sites, bars, blind dates, etc. your friend is going to have a very tough time meeting a guy that is higher than 3-4 himself. Using these dating sites she can probably get some fat dude with low self esteem but other than that she will have problems landing someone. Her best chances of meeting someone is probably in a work environment where her personality can grow on someone and they can overlook her physical flaws, unfortunately it doesnt sound like she has a good personality so your friend is shit out of luck. Your husband is probably right, a nose job, different eyebrows and if she lost some weight it could substantially change things. But then she probably gets to a 5. The "close friend" is not much better, similar category so they probably commiserate/empathize with each other. Good luck finding her a man, you are going to need it! Hope this helps.
Wow, I'm glad I'm not Socal's single "friend". You publicize her as an ugly mean nut job and distribute her picture to people on a public forum for comment on her appearance - and of course, all under the guise of finding her a man.
If the tables were turned and your friend did that to you, I doubt you would consider her a "friend."
If the tables were turned and your friend did that to you, I doubt you would consider her a "friend."
25inirvine
New member
I'll second what the others are saying and agree that her best odds are growing on to someone. But from the way you have described her personality, she doesn't seem like the type that would grow on someone.
Efforts would be better spent trying to help her attitude before trying to find a guy. Cause even if she finds that 1 or 2 with low self esteem, doesn't mean they will stick around and put up with being treated like crap.
Efforts would be better spent trying to help her attitude before trying to find a guy. Cause even if she finds that 1 or 2 with low self esteem, doesn't mean they will stick around and put up with being treated like crap.
socal78
Well-known member
kalbi said:
I'm sorry you think I'm not interested in helping her but honestly, I truly do want good things to come her way... just not at the expense of an entirely unsuspecting person (that wouldn't be fair). If you go back a few posts or pages, you'll see I did point out the good qualities about her such as being understanding, generous, compassionate, etc. I also acknowledged none of us are perfect. It does upset me to see her forlorn. If there was some guy up for a challenge - and I do think there could be - I'd be up to having them meet. I do think you are on to one thing, though, and that is the quality of our friendship. Her "abrasiveness", as my husband calls it, is not limited to men. It extends to me and her other "friends", too. I have found it difficult to be a close friend with her, so, I would say we're not as close as we used to be. Even if her and I are not the best match, I hope she can find other friends and yes, a boyfriend, who are a better match for her. It is difficult to put into words but I hope it helps explain a bit. I feel sorry for her, period.
As far as turning the tables, I wouldn't expect a friend to keep in contact with me at all if I treated them the way she does sometimes (not saying it's her fault - she does have some issues she's grappling with, I believe). No matter what, I've always been available to her.
qwerty
Well-known member
SoCal said:
Right now I am 35 and I would give myself a 6.5 because I'm carrying around too much extra weight. If u asked me at 28, I would give myself an 8.5. While I give myself a 6.5 now I am a very confident person. The confidence comes from me considering myself an 8.5 when I was younger coupled with my career success and income. I also know that if I wanted I can hit the gym hard for about 4 months I can get back to what I was at 28. So while physically now I may be a 6.5, I still think like an 8.5