The Secret to Building a Great Healthy Marriage - Poll

[panda]

Hi guys. I wanted to ask you guys a serious question. Assuming that 10 would be considered that your marriage is perfect (your spouse is your best friend, supporter, emotional anchor, encourager, and helper) vs a 1 where you guys are just co habitating, trying to deperately keep your marriage together from a divorce where both you and your spouse no longer emotionally connect anymore nor care about how the other feel or perhaps even resent the other spouse... Where would you rate your marriage today?

-Panda

 

[Irvine Dream]

Hi guys. I wanted to ask you guys a serious question. Assuming that 10 would be considered that your marriage is perfect (your spouse is your best friend, supporter, emotional anchor, encourager, and helper) vs a 1 where you guys are just co habitating, trying to deperately keep your marriage together from a divorce where both you and your spouse no longer emotionally connect anymore nor care about how the other feel or perhaps even resent the other spouse... Where would you rate your marriage today?

-Panda

What would be the point Panda?  You want to see where your marriage rank and then decide what? 

 

[panda]

Irvine Dream,

I did not post up this poll so that I can feel good about myself by comparing how good my marriage is compared to you guys in Irvine. If we get 30+ honest votes between 7-10 perhaps we can completely disregard this thread and I will be happy.

Honestly, I don't have a PhD in Psychology, nor have I ever worked as a social worker before. I do know there is nothing more destructive and painful to one's emotional health, physical health, spiritual health, and your financial health than going through a painful nasty divorce, not to mention the negative impact it has to our own children. I have a genuine heart for couples struggling in their marriages. Hopefully that is enough explanation of my point to you.

 

[YellowFever]

.

 

[daedalus]

You're going to get some fairly dishonest answers here.  In fact, this poll is as comical as polling for everyone's cock length. 

So you're saying you won't believe me if I mark down a 10 for both?

 

[Paris167]

You're going to get some fairly dishonest answers here.  In fact, this poll is as comical as polling for everyone's cock length. 

So you're saying you won't believe me if I mark down a 10 for both?

No marriage is a "perfect" 10. There are certainly good marriages in the 7-9 range but a "perfect" 10 is a little LaLa land no? I personally think my husband and I have a pretty good marriage, we complement each other very well and our 10 years of marriage have been pretty turbulent-free but i still would not rate it a 10. IMHO I think that's unrealistic.

 

[irvinehomeowner]

Why wouldn't people be honest here? Clicking a number is fairly anonymous.

We've been married a while, it was rocky at first (seems like that when two people live together for the first time) and then there was finances, where to live next, having kids, raising kids... all different things that cause up and downs.

It's not a 10, but it's not less than a 5 either... although there are times when it feels like a 1.

 

[Happiness]

In fact, this poll is as comical as polling for everyone's cock length.

We already did that poll.  Qwerty won.

 

[Perspective]

There's no secret. Like so many things in life, it just requires a lot of luck. You have to be lucky enough to end the bad relationships, and lucky enough to find a person with whom you enjoy spending so much time, to whom you're attracted and whose attracted to you.

Luck rules...

 

[zubs]

Longshot was always my favorite superhero.

 

[socal78]

Panda, I love these threads you make. I so appreciate the thought you put into these things. I think that you have a gift and maybe you are able to speak to people who need it in a way that others can't.

 

[qwerty]

I would rate my marriage a 7. I knocked off one point for my wife not looking like Candice Swanepoel. I knocked another for her not coming from a rich family and finally the last point was for her not being 5'9" or taller.

 

[panda]

C'mon MagicJ1zz,

Please don't hijack my thread. You can start your own poll if you are interested in finding out what the median measurement of the Asian Men's stick in Irvine looks like starting your poll from 1 inch to 10 inches. This is a serious thread and you said you are getting married this year right? You may actually learn something valuable here that may even be helpful for you.

You're going to get some fairly dishonest answers here.  In fact, this poll is as comical as polling for everyone's cock length. 

 

[panda]

If these votes are real, it seems like most of you are doing fabulous in your marriages where I am seeing most of the ratings  between 7 to 10. For those of you who gave yourself these scores, why would you describe yourself having a great marriage? Do you sense that you have a deep friendship with your spouse? Has your love for each other become stronger since you first got married. What do you love the most about your spouse? Also for those who voted between a 7-10, do you care sharing with all of us how you first met your spouse?

One the other note, Is there anyone here on TalkIrvine who is actually struggling in their marriage and desperately trying to keep it together? 

 

[eyephone]

What's the purpose of this topic?

 

[socal78]

As I look at the poll, I'm sorry for those who rank theirs a 1 at times, or, typically a 5 at best. That is sad to see and really kind of heartbreaking.

I rank mine a 9-10.  I asked the mister to write his down and he wrote the same score as me. To me, a 10 is not about having a flawless relationship with zero obstacles. Everybody is bound to run into a problem sooner or later. It's what you do about it that counts. We are slow to anger and quick to forgive. We don't hold grudges. We care about serving the other. We both acknowledge our own shortcomings and care about improving them. But it's not that much work since, overall, we are pretty compatible and have grown in the same direction. We have a good foundation to start from. I think that is amazing considering my teenage-self chose my current & much-older-self's spouse. I'm not exactly an expert in struggling since my marriage hasn't been a battleground, thankfully. However, my advice for anyone who is struggling is to seek the Lord together. That makes a huge difference because it is a spiritual bond. Humble yourself. Pray for God to do a good work in you and in your marriage. Last but not least, have patience.

 

[Irvine Dream]

I rank mine a 9-10.  I asked the mister to write his down and he wrote the same score as me. To me, a 10 is not about having a flawless relationship with zero obstacles.

Well, if you are taking the poll with your wife and you want to stay married then you better give a 9/10. 

SoCal

If you rate yours 9/10 how come one time you posted about everything you knew about your husband was a lie.  It goes to show that these polls are useless.  These are personal decisions, where you either stay in the marriage because you want to or not.  You don't want to say , hey the average poll results is same as mine so I should be happy and stay in it.

 

[socal78]

I rank mine a 9-10.  I asked the mister to write his down and he wrote the same score as me. To me, a 10 is not about having a flawless relationship with zero obstacles.

Well, if you are taking the poll with your wife and you want to stay married then you better give a 9/10. 

SoCal

If you rate yours 9/10 how come one time you posted about everything you knew about your husband was a lie.  It goes to show that these polls are useless.  These are personal decisions, where you either stay in the marriage because you want to or not.  You don't want to say , hey the average poll results is same as mine so I should be happy and stay in it.

The #1 problem I've seen on T.I. over the past 8 years is that many people are unskilled in asking questions. This post is an example. (I don't mean to make an example out of you. It's just something that has been bothering me for a while across the board. This post brought it to the forefront of my mind.) I mean, why ask me anything only to say in the next breath, "It goes to show..." Are you asking me or are you telling me?? It sounds like you already have your mind made up and are only asking a rhetorical question to arrive at a preconceived conclusion. In that case, whatever answer I give won't make a bit of difference. I really don't mind genuine questions. But let's not have an intellectually-dishonest conversation here. You're welcome to believe whatever you want to. That's okay with me. However, I stand by my reply to Panda. I've got nothing to gain or lose by posting my true thoughts here on an anonymous forum. I'm not quite sure why you think I'm honest enough to post about an obstacle I have experienced in the past but not honest enough to share how I feel having come out the other side of it. It doesn't work that way for me.

 

[Irvine Dream]

The #1 problem I've seen on T.I. over the past 8 years is that many people are unskilled in asking questions. This post is an example. (I don't mean to make an example out of you. It's just something that has been bothering me for a while across the board. This post brought it to the forefront of my mind.) I mean, why ask me anything only to say in the next breath, "It goes to show..." Are you asking me or are you telling me?? It sounds like you already have your mind made up and are only asking a rhetorical question to arrive at a preconceived conclusion. In that case, whatever answer I give won't make a bit of difference. I really don't mind genuine questions. But let's not have an intellectually-dishonest conversation here. You're welcome to believe whatever you want to. That's okay with me. However, I stand by my reply to Panda. I've got nothing to gain or lose by posting my true thoughts here on an anonymous forum. I'm not quite sure why you think I'm honest enough to post about an obstacle I have experienced in the past but not honest enough to share how I feel having come out the other side of it. It doesn't work that way for me.

Yes, I have pre-conceived notions and use rhetorical questions to justify them

No, I wasn't asking you any questions and I wasn't directing anything personal towards you.  I was only saying that the marriage polls are useless, whether answered honestly or dishonestly.  You have to decide to work and stay in the marriage because you want to, not because the polls say you are the same as others

 

[panda]

Happy marriages are based on a deep friendship. By this I mean a mutual respect for and enjoyment of each other's company. Happy couples tend to know each other intimately, they know what each other's likes, dislikes, personality quirks, hopes and dreams. They have an interested regard for each other and express this fondness not just in big ways but through small gestures day in and day out.

In happy strong marriages, husband and wife share a deep sense of meaning. They don't just 'get along' - they support each other's hopes and aspiration and build a sense of purpose into their lives together. This is what I mean by honoring and respecting each other.

"Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs.  Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres."

1 Corinthians 13:4-7