Role reversals in the home....
- Thread starter biscuitninja_IHB
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The root of the problem is that bold part.
I got that feeling also. I was raised in a family where BOTH parents HAD to work. Ironically when my dad got ill and was on long term disability, my mom was the breadwinner. At at that point though, the WHOLE family worked, we all pitched in. I get the feeling the wife wants a traditional marriage with a modern benefits. To be taken care of and to have the ability to be free to make her own decisions (or at least freedom from making important decisions for the family).
I don't know, but being the husband/father to me is somewhat of a thankless job. To provide for everybody and ask for very little, to be a stable foundation for the family (emotional, financial, physical). It is alot to ask sometimes, but the rewards are great.
Anyways enough of my babbleing....
good night.
-bix
That quote is by Antoine de Saint-Exupery. It is my favorite that I write inside a new couple's card every time I go to a wedding.
"Life has taught us that love does not consist in gazing at each other, but in looking outward together in the same direction”
:lol: Hey, I'M the tag reader at home, but you burn one little edge you get a rep.... Otherwise if its attached to a car... WE DON'T NEED NO STINKIN' DIRECTIONS!!!111!
? I see nothing wrong with a man cooking and cleaning. I do it every day.
Yes it's a man's job to bring home the bacon. If you're not strong enough to chase down the boar and throw the spear, you can go after easier prey or even scavenge and forage for food.
A job is a job. If need to be, I'd happily go work at Costco to hand out the free samples. My father was a manager for an import/export company back in Taiwan. When we immigrated to the US he took a job stocking fruits and vegetables for Diho supermarket. If he can do it, so can I.
halfnote19_IHB
New member
I can't believe half the things that it says in this article"When Mom Becomes the Breadwinner"
... I am in so much shock... I don't know what to say.
... I am in so much shock... I don't know what to say.
No_Such_Reality_IHB
New member
The root of the problem is that bold part.
Cubic Zirconia_IHB
New member
Someone said "Marriage is not him looking at her, or her looking at him. It's about them, looking together in the same direction".
In times like this, a paycheck is all that matters. Not who is bringing it.
CZ
In times like this, a paycheck is all that matters. Not who is bringing it.
CZ
tmare_IHB
New member
It all comes down to expectations. Obviously, she expected to be a mom and he expected to work. Expectations or predictions about what your life should be are the problem here. I think I always expected that I would work and if my husband and I had to make a choice, I would probably be the one to work. Yet I would never expect him to do things around the house exactly the way I would. I understand the differences between men and women and that what we see around the house is very different from what they see. The lack of organization would probably drive me crazy but I think we'd be able to work it out. I wouldn't trade the moments my husband has with our kids for a cleaner house, I'd just suck it up and probably do that too (I guess I do already). His values are different than mine and I could never say that mine are better. Of course, this comes from a family where both husband and wife work and are home by 3:00 everyday with a nanny who takes care of our kids while we are at work (and takes care of us in many ways). Everyone has to work out their own situation, quit complaining and if something doesn't work, find a way around it or a way to deal with it. Sounds like they aren't really searching for solutions, just someone to blame.
halfnote19_IHB
New member
I watched the video that goes along with the article. You can see that the husband just wants to be respected for who he is not how much he money he brings home.
All the tension mainly comes from the wife.
All the tension mainly comes from the wife.
biscuitninja_IHB
New member
halfnote19 said:
I got that feeling also. I was raised in a family where BOTH parents HAD to work. Ironically when my dad got ill and was on long term disability, my mom was the breadwinner. At at that point though, the WHOLE family worked, we all pitched in. I get the feeling the wife wants a traditional marriage with a modern benefits. To be taken care of and to have the ability to be free to make her own decisions (or at least freedom from making important decisions for the family).
I don't know, but being the husband/father to me is somewhat of a thankless job. To provide for everybody and ask for very little, to be a stable foundation for the family (emotional, financial, physical). It is alot to ask sometimes, but the rewards are great.
Anyways enough of my babbleing....
good night.
-bix
SoCal78_IHB
New member
Cubic Zirconia said:
That quote is by Antoine de Saint-Exupery. It is my favorite that I write inside a new couple's card every time I go to a wedding.
"Life has taught us that love does not consist in gazing at each other, but in looking outward together in the same direction”
caycifish_IHB
New member
Issues I saw:
- She already was working, but now has to work more. She is probably very tired and that is affecting her attitude and judgement. This could affect a marriage no matter which spouse was the one leaving the house.
- Both of them seemed to want more "thank yous" and "appreciation" than they would expect if they were in the usual gender roles. They both want extra recognition for doing something they see as above and beyond, while I'm willing to bet the other person thinks "why should I give him/her extra recognition for something I used to do? I never got extra thanks yous!" They could a) suck it up and just say "thank you" a lot and see how that helps and/or b) accept their (probably temporary) role in the family and not expect so much extra gratitude.
- She already was working, but now has to work more. She is probably very tired and that is affecting her attitude and judgement. This could affect a marriage no matter which spouse was the one leaving the house.
- Both of them seemed to want more "thank yous" and "appreciation" than they would expect if they were in the usual gender roles. They both want extra recognition for doing something they see as above and beyond, while I'm willing to bet the other person thinks "why should I give him/her extra recognition for something I used to do? I never got extra thanks yous!" They could a) suck it up and just say "thank you" a lot and see how that helps and/or b) accept their (probably temporary) role in the family and not expect so much extra gratitude.
Anonymous_IHB
New member
In a stay-at-home spouse (male or female), an attitude of "I can't make myself happy, that's my spouse's job since I can't find or make my own happiness" is a recipie for disaster.
SoCal78_IHB
New member
^ I vote for A) suck it up and give thanks. Imho - with a spouse, as with a child, you must be persistent with positive reinforcement to see more desirable behavior. When jobs are lost, people also get depressed and I hope that wife doesn't compound that by tearing him down - she should build him up. Just my 2 cents.
serious weapon_IHB
New member
I can see why he was canned or laid off as a salesperson. A strong sales person has confidence, not arrogance and knows when to be humble, not weak. This man is weak. I personally wouldn't be interested whatever he was selling. He obviously wasn't putting up the numbers or sold the idea to his employer that he is an asset to his company.
If he had an ounce of backbone, he should have never have let the situation get out of hand. He should have put his foot through her ass the minute she said those insulting words.
She's a bitch because he allows her to punk him.
If he had an ounce of backbone, he should have never have let the situation get out of hand. He should have put his foot through her ass the minute she said those insulting words.
She's a bitch because he allows her to punk him.
SoOCOwner_IHB
New member
There were problems in this marriage long before he lost his job. Lack of respect and resentment on both sides. Unfortunately, I don't think they will be together much longer.
biscuitninja_IHB
New member
:lol: Photoshop?
SoCal78_IHB
New member
It would be best if they just didn't bother putting any direction other than "give it to your wife" on the tag. I swear... my husband can launch a Delta rocket into space, yet he routinely fails at selecting the correct water temperature even when it states what to do in black and white on the tag. If you want it done right, give it to your wife.
serious weapon_IHB
New member
That or give it to the Chinese(Koreans)... Ancient Chinese secret my ass. "We need more Calgon!"SoCal78 said:
biscuitninja_IHB
New member
SoCal78 said:
:lol: Hey, I'M the tag reader at home, but you burn one little edge you get a rep.... Otherwise if its attached to a car... WE DON'T NEED NO STINKIN' DIRECTIONS!!!111!
momopi_IHB
New member
? I see nothing wrong with a man cooking and cleaning. I do it every day.Yes it's a man's job to bring home the bacon. If you're not strong enough to chase down the boar and throw the spear, you can go after easier prey or even scavenge and forage for food.
A job is a job. If need to be, I'd happily go work at Costco to hand out the free samples. My father was a manager for an import/export company back in Taiwan. When we immigrated to the US he took a job stocking fruits and vegetables for Diho supermarket. If he can do it, so can I.