roundcorners_IHB
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There has been a lot of talk about getting to <a href="http://www.irvinehousingblog.com/forums/viewthread/5838/">know your neighbors</a>. I just thought I write about a few things what worked for me as far as getting to know some of our Irvine neighbors. The story Grace told about their experience living in Irvine really saddens me. My heart actually breaks over stories like that! I written before, yes, Irvine can be <a href="http://www.irvinehousingblog.com/forums/viewthread/5221/">crushingly lonely</a>. I also see it; this city has the potential to become so much more. I agree with CK a lot of families are just trying to work and make ends meet; let alone host <a href="http://www.irvinehousingblog.com/forums/viewthread/5221/">get-togethers </a>and <a href="http://www.irvinehousingblog.com/forums/viewthread/5408/">help others</a>?
I wanted to list a few simple basic interpersonal techniques that I use daily; I just hope that you might come to know and experience community where you live. I really hope this helps to spark some neighborly relationships.
Get out of the house ? Go outside, I know the IHB is great, but you will never meet anybody staying inside your house. At the very least, go out to your IAC balcony/patio. Guys, go hang out and clean your garages. Do some landscaping, gardening or just sit out on your porch if you have one.
Go lounge by the pool, say hello to a fellow family if you see kids of similar age. Taking a <a href="http://www.irvinehousingblog.com/forums/viewthread/5652/">walk </a>is my personal favorite. I vary my walks at different times of the day on different days. I see at least 3-5 people everyday on most walks. Waive with an open hand to everyone you see while walking or while driving in your car. I know BTW all our IAC maintenance workers by their first name.
<strong>Conversation</strong>
Here are a few conversation topics that you can use to initiate contact.
Talk about the kids/pets ? People love talking about their children. This is like the easiest conversation piece.
Talk about your work ? This is an easy one for guys. Guys love to size each one up immediately. I always say, I?m just a sales guy, to put others instantly at ease. Guys in Irvine usually feel pretty good about themselves after they hear that.
Talk about hobbies/interests/cars ? Another easy one for guys. There are always clues, their attire (T-Shirts are a dead give away); the garage is the jack-pot of interests. Do you see bikes, golf clubs, scuba gear a surf board? If you don?t know about a hobby, say you see a unicycle, ask them about it. How did you come to learn unicycle? How long have you been riding it?
Talk about <a href="http://www.irvinehousingblog.com/forums/viewthread/5682/">travels </a>? People also love talking about their travels. They spend big bucks to journey to far reaches of the globe and they love to tell how interesting they have became.
Good rules of thumb are commonalities ? Safe conversation topics are things that the both of you share. A share experience, a shared situation or a shared environment; why do you think the weather is such good small talk? People love to be understood; people love to feel that they belong, and if you can make someone feel that you are in the same boat then you made an instant connection.
Another good rule of thumb is to ask for help - People love to be helpful and productive. My wife simply has been known to hand off our crying son to acquaintances that live across the hall; we?ve became good friends through the process. A simple request or task can product an unexpected reaction. You might think people might get annoyed, or inconvenienced; instead neighbors are even more willing to help again the next time. I?ve knocked a few doors for that old cup of sugar, cork-screw wine opener, detergent and milk.
Irvinites love to feel independent, but that is not how life is meant to be lived, we ask for help in order to help others. Always make sure to return the favor.
A version of asking for help is soliciting an opinion ? People also love to tell you their opinions. I often ask people on subjects that I know little about. Again, I recall a neighbor going off to paint-ball on a Saturday. That was an interesting conversation. Again, people are all too willing to tell you their stories, hobbies and interests.
<strong>Gifts</strong>
In response to Grace?s hostile neighbor situation; a gift can start to smooth over any miscommunications. Remember Asians are really bad when it comes to interpersonal relationships. They might be great at math, computers, medicine and law, but they are terrible when it comes to relating to others. A few 85? or JJ?s pastries would go a long way to extend an olive branch. Fruit and vegetables also go a long way. A $3 case of Asian pairs, mangos earns you bonus points. Now bring a ripe pineapple, you?re all of a sudden the generous neighbor!
I love asking or calling a neighbor while running out for errands; hey, I?m going to Costco, do you need anything? They will refuse; but after asking, you can?t just leave it open ended like that; you have to ?close? them; do you want me to pick you up a rotisserie chicken, some salad or a bag of chips? Refuse to accept their money for the groceries, and just watch the blessings flow.
There is this saying; you can?t out give God. Well we are also finding that we can?t out give our neighbors! There is another saying, those that take and receive well; also give and bless others well in return. We love receiving and being blessed, because it gives us an excuse to give, serve and return the favor. I used to have a hard time receiving, I would feel this overwhelming guilt; maybe because at the time I was a bad giver.
<strong>Attitude</strong>
I love people; each individual is unique and interesting. Even if you are the dullest person on Earth I will still find something interesting about you. I love meeting and developing relationships. There is just so much to learn from any one individual.
One good thing I?ve learned in life is to ask great questions. It comes from that natural desire to learn about people and see how they tick. I?ve learned to boldly ask, multi-millionaires the secrets to their success, janitors what makes them so happy, celebrities on how they handle popularity, and CEOs on how they maintain character and integrity. Through it all, it?s that attitude that when I?m talking to a neighbor, no one else exists; I?m totally focused and engrossed in their story.
<strong>Being Vulnerable</strong>
Lastly be vulnerable ? be willing to share first about <a href="http://www.irvinehousingblog.com/forums/viewthread/5551/">personal details </a>. That is one sure way to open up the relationships. And always, this is the toughest thing to do as guys, but just listen, listen, listen?
I wanted to list a few simple basic interpersonal techniques that I use daily; I just hope that you might come to know and experience community where you live. I really hope this helps to spark some neighborly relationships.
Get out of the house ? Go outside, I know the IHB is great, but you will never meet anybody staying inside your house. At the very least, go out to your IAC balcony/patio. Guys, go hang out and clean your garages. Do some landscaping, gardening or just sit out on your porch if you have one.
Go lounge by the pool, say hello to a fellow family if you see kids of similar age. Taking a <a href="http://www.irvinehousingblog.com/forums/viewthread/5652/">walk </a>is my personal favorite. I vary my walks at different times of the day on different days. I see at least 3-5 people everyday on most walks. Waive with an open hand to everyone you see while walking or while driving in your car. I know BTW all our IAC maintenance workers by their first name.
<strong>Conversation</strong>
Here are a few conversation topics that you can use to initiate contact.
Talk about the kids/pets ? People love talking about their children. This is like the easiest conversation piece.
Talk about your work ? This is an easy one for guys. Guys love to size each one up immediately. I always say, I?m just a sales guy, to put others instantly at ease. Guys in Irvine usually feel pretty good about themselves after they hear that.
Talk about hobbies/interests/cars ? Another easy one for guys. There are always clues, their attire (T-Shirts are a dead give away); the garage is the jack-pot of interests. Do you see bikes, golf clubs, scuba gear a surf board? If you don?t know about a hobby, say you see a unicycle, ask them about it. How did you come to learn unicycle? How long have you been riding it?
Talk about <a href="http://www.irvinehousingblog.com/forums/viewthread/5682/">travels </a>? People also love talking about their travels. They spend big bucks to journey to far reaches of the globe and they love to tell how interesting they have became.
Good rules of thumb are commonalities ? Safe conversation topics are things that the both of you share. A share experience, a shared situation or a shared environment; why do you think the weather is such good small talk? People love to be understood; people love to feel that they belong, and if you can make someone feel that you are in the same boat then you made an instant connection.
Another good rule of thumb is to ask for help - People love to be helpful and productive. My wife simply has been known to hand off our crying son to acquaintances that live across the hall; we?ve became good friends through the process. A simple request or task can product an unexpected reaction. You might think people might get annoyed, or inconvenienced; instead neighbors are even more willing to help again the next time. I?ve knocked a few doors for that old cup of sugar, cork-screw wine opener, detergent and milk.
Irvinites love to feel independent, but that is not how life is meant to be lived, we ask for help in order to help others. Always make sure to return the favor.
A version of asking for help is soliciting an opinion ? People also love to tell you their opinions. I often ask people on subjects that I know little about. Again, I recall a neighbor going off to paint-ball on a Saturday. That was an interesting conversation. Again, people are all too willing to tell you their stories, hobbies and interests.
<strong>Gifts</strong>
In response to Grace?s hostile neighbor situation; a gift can start to smooth over any miscommunications. Remember Asians are really bad when it comes to interpersonal relationships. They might be great at math, computers, medicine and law, but they are terrible when it comes to relating to others. A few 85? or JJ?s pastries would go a long way to extend an olive branch. Fruit and vegetables also go a long way. A $3 case of Asian pairs, mangos earns you bonus points. Now bring a ripe pineapple, you?re all of a sudden the generous neighbor!
I love asking or calling a neighbor while running out for errands; hey, I?m going to Costco, do you need anything? They will refuse; but after asking, you can?t just leave it open ended like that; you have to ?close? them; do you want me to pick you up a rotisserie chicken, some salad or a bag of chips? Refuse to accept their money for the groceries, and just watch the blessings flow.
There is this saying; you can?t out give God. Well we are also finding that we can?t out give our neighbors! There is another saying, those that take and receive well; also give and bless others well in return. We love receiving and being blessed, because it gives us an excuse to give, serve and return the favor. I used to have a hard time receiving, I would feel this overwhelming guilt; maybe because at the time I was a bad giver.
<strong>Attitude</strong>
I love people; each individual is unique and interesting. Even if you are the dullest person on Earth I will still find something interesting about you. I love meeting and developing relationships. There is just so much to learn from any one individual.
One good thing I?ve learned in life is to ask great questions. It comes from that natural desire to learn about people and see how they tick. I?ve learned to boldly ask, multi-millionaires the secrets to their success, janitors what makes them so happy, celebrities on how they handle popularity, and CEOs on how they maintain character and integrity. Through it all, it?s that attitude that when I?m talking to a neighbor, no one else exists; I?m totally focused and engrossed in their story.
<strong>Being Vulnerable</strong>
Lastly be vulnerable ? be willing to share first about <a href="http://www.irvinehousingblog.com/forums/viewthread/5551/">personal details </a>. That is one sure way to open up the relationships. And always, this is the toughest thing to do as guys, but just listen, listen, listen?
