Question to the mothers of IHB?

PANDA_IHB

PANDA_IHB

New member
I wanted to ask a hypothetical situation. After three months after the baby is born, would you recommend or not recommend if the husband takes care of the baby while working from home, while the wife has a full time job outside of the home? Please don't ask "Is Ms. Panda having a baby?" because I am only asking a hypothetical question.
 
I would recommend that a parent stays home with the baby if at all possible, any parent. Having one child isn't that difficult (or maybe that's just my comparison going from one to two), but I still wouldn't expect to get a lot of work done. They do sleep a lot, but usually not when you want them to. There's also the other little messy issues like housework and cooking dinner. If one parent is going to stay at home and expect to get some work done, I would recommend a part-time nanny/housekeeper to help make sense of the whole arrangement. From my own experience both as a mom and a teacher, most (not all) men are not quite as capable of multi-tasking and find it rather difficult to try to do many things well at one time.
 
P... man, we got to talk... it's not as easy as you think... sometimes I have to hold my son while ! that is how bad it gets... you might be able to get some work done at home,, but you can't count on it. All my clients know that when they call early in the morning, that I just might be holding the kid, and they come to hear crying, cooing and a lot of background noise. I've been lucky to work it to my advantage. But it all depends on the kid, again it's not as easy, but a lot of people do it...
 
I have to say I'm really impressed to see all the posting on child rearing by the men folk here. I hope you guys start mass trend of super dads.
 
Absolutely not possible without help from e.g. grandparents or Nanny. Baby needs a lot of attention and when it is sleeping, the father/mother also needs sleep (as there is not enough sleep at night).
 
I don't think you can really work from home while being the primary caregiver for a baby, unless your job is extremely flexible and not very demanding.
 
This was our situation with our first. I was a consultant so my schedule was flexible and after 8 weeks, the boss went back to work part time and we split our time (she would do mornings, I would do afternoons). When she started doing fulltime at about 6 months, I adjusted my schedule so that when I was at clients I would drop our child off at a relative's when I needed to go to a client site but would be Mr. Mom other days of the week.



It was great... my kid had a pretty set schedule and I found that papoose/frontal baby carrier thing very helpful in freeing up my hands to do work on the computer. At about a year, we got a nanny because I had to work more.



If there is any way so that one or both parents can be primary caregiver for the baby during the 1st year (or even beyond)... that would be ideal. Right now, we wish she could find something that would be flexible enough for her to be home after school to take care of the kids but the industry she's in is more fulltime whereas mine has more leeway. I guess being a Chippendale's dancer does have it's privileges... hehe.
 
No advice, as I'm not a parent, but I'm interested in the responses as this is what we plan to do. Hubby will be working from home and taking care of the gremlins, and he has a pretty flexible schedule which should make it easier.



I'd like to hear from the moms who had to go back to work (any feelings of jealousy/resentment that you had to leave baby at home?).
 
[quote author="tmare" date=1249552276]From my own experience both as a mom and a teacher, most (not all) men are not quite as capable of multi-tasking and find it rather difficult to try to do many things well at one time.</blockquote>


So you have met my husband obviously.
 
As a working mom- I know that I couldn't do my job working from home and taking care of a baby and give each the proper attention needed- there's no way my husband would be able to do that either.



trip.threat:

I had my parents take care of my kids when I returned to work. They were a godsend. They came to my house at 6:30 am every morning (and I was in Chicago then so those cold Chicago winter mornings are tough)- and I then left to catch the train every morning into the city by 6:45 am. With the first child, I was definitely Type A- wanting to know every ounce of milk my daughter had, how much sleep she got, etc. It was hard to let go of the control. By the second child, I was much easier going and wasn't so militant about things. Going to work is hard if you decide to nurse your baby- you definitely have to be committed to do the pumping thing. I nursed both kids for almost a year, and dragging that pump back and forth to work and then pumping 3-4 times a day was a huge pain. The investment banking firm I was working at had a Mother's Room there, so it made it easier for me to pump.
 
A lot of it will depend on the baby's temperament. If you're lucky you'll get a mellow kid who likes to sleep a lot. If you have a boy, I would say forget it. ;-)



The other part depends on the flexibility of your work. It can be pretty stressful to juggle it all if you are in a deadline based industry, or have to be on a lot of high-power conference calls.



It sounds like for you, you are the boss, so you may not have the same pressures as being an employee.



For me, I really have to concentrate while I work, which means I can only work when the baby is sleeping. And there's no guaranty that she'll be able to sleep 2-3 hours at a time.



Even though I have the option of working from home, I refuse to do it unless it is an emergency. And if it really is an emergency, it means my husband has to work from home too, to take over in case baby's naptime doesn't overlap with the conference call or if I'm running out of time to get the work done.



If hubby can't work from home that day, the maximum amount of hours I could put in around the 3 month mark was probably about 4 hours during work hours, if I was lucky. And forget about keeping the house clean that day.



I vote for getting the nanny/housekeeper if you can afford it. That way you're still around to make sure the nanny isn't abusing the kid, and you get the fun of playing with your baby during your breaks from work.



Hope this helps!
 
[quote author="reason" date=1249655387]Send the baby to the mother in law.</blockquote>


Thanks Reason, my mother-in-law lives in Fullerton and never thought about that option.
 
[quote author="JoonB" date=1249637867]As a working mom- I know that I couldn't do my job working from home and taking care of a baby and give each the proper attention needed- there's no way my husband would be able to do that either.



trip.threat:

I had my parents take care of my kids when I returned to work. They were a godsend. They came to my house at 6:30 am every morning (and I was in Chicago then so those cold Chicago winter mornings are tough)- and I then left to catch the train every morning into the city by 6:45 am. With the first child, I was definitely Type A- wanting to know every ounce of milk my daughter had, how much sleep she got, etc. It was hard to let go of the control. By the second child, I was much easier going and wasn't so militant about things. Going to work is hard if you decide to nurse your baby- you definitely have to be committed to do the pumping thing. I nursed both kids for almost a year, and dragging that pump back and forth to work and then pumping 3-4 times a day was a huge pain. The investment banking firm I was working at had a Mother's Room there, so it made it easier for me to pump.</blockquote>


Joon, catching the 6:45 am train to Chicago is what my wife does every day. Lately I've been picking her up from her work at 10pm. I can't tell honestly that I enjoy this, which is the reason I've been thinking about it a lot lately. I get the impression that you are a mother who is also a Type A, ambitious, and career driven. I never knew that my wife was also like that. Don't get me wrong, my wife would make a great mother, she cooks very well, loves kids, but at the same time her aspirations is to build her career and make it to manager one day at her public accounting firm. I am also a Type "A" and my ideal has been that i make enough money where my wife can stay home and be a full time mother. There are sacrifices you make with every decision. One of the stresses i see in marriages when both the husband and wife works is that when the husband is stressed from his full day of work, the wife isn't there to rewind the stress, because she is also stressed from her own job that is demanding.



Joon, if your husband was making $600,000 a year, where you had the option to work or not. Would you still pursue your career or would you mind being a full time mom? I am sorry if the question i am asking is too personal, but I see several of you are 5-7 years ahead of me in starting a family, and I can learn from your experiences. Though making a good household income, and buying that nice dream Irvine home is important to me, however having a strong marriage and being there to raise my kids with my wife is just as important to me.
 
[quote author="PANDA" date=1249676178][quote author="reason" date=1249655387]Send the baby to the mother in law.</blockquote>


Thanks Reason, my mother-in-law lives in Fullerton and never thought about that option.</blockquote>


I know of several friends and colleagues that either send the kid to the in law, or have in - laws come over everyday.



Panda, are you living in the windy city or moved to OC? Maybe I missed your update, have you sold your houses in the windy city?



I have two little ones, I would say until they pass five year years old, forget about working from the house.
 
[quote author="PANDA" date=1249676178][quote author="reason" date=1249655387]Send the baby to the mother in law.</blockquote>


Thanks Reason, my mother-in-law lives in Fullerton and never thought about that option.</blockquote>


=X
 
Panda-

My husband is a partner in a law firm- he does very well. At his law firm, I am the only wife that works and has kids. I go to these work functions at my husband's law firm, and it's funny how I feel like I am perceived a little bit differently as I guess I don't "need" to work.



But I have invested so much time in my education, post education and the job that i have is a coveted one. My decision to work really isn't a matter of being Type A (although I am Type A, I am not an overly aggressive career type person)- it was more of a practical matter. I worked on the sell-side in Chicago in the research department. There were 35 analysts. Only 5 were women. The investment banking industry isn't going to let me "work from home", work very reduced hours- etc- there are plenty of ambitious people out there ready to take my job. I also know that in my business, if I leave the industry even for a short period of time, it will be so hard for me to get "back in". In Chicago I was at a level in my job that I did come home by 5 pm and could work at home at night if I needed to- so it wasn't too bad. I am very lucky my parents were there to help me further my career.



Another decision for me for continuing to work is my mother. She was previously married with 2 children under 4 years old and widowed. She was only 27 years old. She always instilled in me to work in the event that if something happens, I can support myself.



I am now at a firm in NB working as a portfolio manager and i have equity in the company- and my hours are again pretty flexible. My kids are now 5 and 7. I feel I can work a full day and still be able to pick my kids up at 4 pm at school- so I feel pretty fortunate. If I had to work until 10 pm- I don't think I'd be working at this type of job. I'd find something with a better work/life balance because above all, I see myself first as a mom and wife and then a career woman.
 
[quote author="PANDA" date=1249552156]I wanted to ask a hypothetical situation. After three months after the baby is born, would you recommend or not recommend if the husband takes care of the baby while working from home, while the wife has a full time job outside of the home? Please don't ask "Is Ms. Panda having a baby?" because I am only asking a hypothetical question.</blockquote>
Is Mrs. Panda is having a baby, huh? ;) haha
 
[quote author="reason" date=1249655387]Send the baby to the mother in law.</blockquote>


Unfortunately, this is not an option for us - all of our parents are out of state. Unless you meant permanently :)
 
Wow joon, you and your husband seem to be doing very well financially over there. Thank you for sharing. Is there any mothers here who did stop their careers to raise your infants full time because the husband did bring home enough income? Did you feel that your marriage was strengthened by it? Looking back, were you happy with your decision even though your household income was cut by 1/3.
 
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