Parental help with the house

awgee,



If I buy you a taco at Super Mex, will you put me in your will/trust to inherit your gold? If you do that, then I could use it as leverage to buy the taco and for my down payment. My future now depends on a taco.
 
[quote author="graphrix" date=1233763963]awgee,



If I buy you a taco at Super Mex, will you put me in your will/trust to inherit your gold? If you do that, then I could use it as leverage to buy the taco and for my down payment. My future now depends on a taco.</blockquote>


Sorry buddy, looks like you will be hungry.
 
[quote author="tkaratz" date=1233719567][quote author="High Gravity" date=1233714832]



Honest question, how does that work? Do you just give them a blank check and they plan the vaca themselves? When you buy them a lexus do you go out to the dealer and buy it for them?</blockquote>


They plan their vacations themselves, I just pay the bills for the trip. I went to the car dealer with my mom, she picked out the car she wanetd, she signed all the paperwork, I wrote the dealer a check for the car. Considering the amount my parents deposit into my kid's 529 account every year and the fact that they pay for my nanny, my parents still spend more on me than I do on them but they don't think so because they think they are giving to their grandkid, not me.
 
[quote author="High Gravity" date=1233796018][quote author="tkaratz" date=1233719567][quote author="High Gravity" date=1233714832]



Honest question, how does that work? Do you just give them a blank check and they plan the vaca themselves? When you buy them a lexus do you go out to the dealer and buy it for them?</blockquote>


They plan their vacations themselves, I just pay the bills for the trip. I went to the car dealer with my mom, she picked out the car she wanetd, she signed all the paperwork, I wrote the dealer a check for the car. Considering the amount my parents deposit into my kid's 529 account every year and the fact that they pay for my nanny, my parents still spend more on me than I do on them but they don't think so because they think they are giving to their grandkid, not me.</blockquote>


No doubt if you factor in their value of their time or your time. I'd almost rather give someone a new car and vacations if they paid for pre-school and other care
 
So I was thinking, should I take a poll for this topic before we let it die? If yes, how should we design it? Percentage help from parents (down payment)? Dollar amount help with lifestyle (monthly)? or some combination...
 
Feedback? Anything I'm missing... Changes?





IHB Parental Assistance Poll:



[ ] I came from a dysfunctional family. I hardly see my parents and they don?t know the grand children. They have never supported me financially growing up, besides room and board. I was on my own in college and the wedding. They certainly will not be helping with the house and I?ll be lucky to get a penny when they pass away.



[ ] My parents are good but strict people. They have never really supported me financially growing up besides room and board. I was on my own at 18, and never looked back. They helped out a little in college and the wedding when we were tight here and there, but that was it. I didn?t get any help with the house and I won?t be surprise if they will their inheritance to their favorite charity.



[ ] I have a good relationship with my parents. I grew up with allowances and regular cash gifts. They helped me out in college along with financial aid. They also helped us out with the wedding. I can expect them to help with the down payment; say from $10k to $50k. I want my parents to have a good retirement, but expect to be willed a majority of their wealth.



[ ] I have an excellent relationship with my parents. I grew up with a substantial allowance and even got a (new) car in high school from them. They have been a substantial help all throughout my life, college, wedding and starting a family. We can expect at least a 10%-20% ($100k-$200k) down payment help from them. I expect to be willed a majority of their wealth.



[ ] I have an exceptional relationship with my parents. I had no budget growing up, my parents were loaded! I always got the latest gadgets, cloths & toys. I was the one with the BMW in high school. Financial aid, what is that? In college they bought me a new condo to live in. I?ll be getting at least 50%-75% or more down payment help with the house. I?ll be running the family business when my parents pass away.



[ ] I have a ?unique? relationship with my parents. Their money is my money, my money is their money; there is no differentiation. I helped them ?invest? (free & clear) our money in a SFR which my family lives in. There are very few boundaries, and my wife just doesn?t understand.
 
How about "my parents are good people but couldn't help financially". You make it sound like parents are either dysfunctional or strict and choose NOT to help their kids. How about those of us who had parents who just couldn't help financially but would have if they had the means? I still don't know what you hope to prove from this.
 
I agree, I have a good relationship with my parents and they paid for my college as well. However, I know they will not help with a downpayment not cause they can't but because there are 4 other siblings (2 step, 2 full) and they believe in fairness. And helping 5 children with downpayments of equal, sizeable amounts gets pretty expensive.



However, I guess they are technically helping me with the downpayment by allowing me to save up while living at home rent free since I have graduated.



From your above post, it looks like you are trying to find an answer that feeds your resentment on this subject. You aren't ever going to be able to let it go if you are looking for ways to encourage that anger.
 
Seriously, why do you think that the type of family relationship you have (dysfunctional to exceptional) is correlated with the amount of money that they give you?



I think that is something you should talk with your psychoanalyst about.
 
Much of this discussion comes down to a sense of entitlement. I remember years ago after I had graduated from college and my little brother was still attending UCI, he had a huge amount of resentment towards our parents because they never helped with college costs. He ended up $50,000 in debt by the time he received his Master's Degree. He spent a lot of time those days telling me how everyone else's parents were paying for not only college costs but living expenses, cars, etc. I just couldn't understand where he got the idea that my parents OWED him all of this (we grew up in the same house, you know), especially when he knew damn well that they couldn't afford it. Rather than working full time, he chose to take out student loan after student loan. It took him many years to grow out of this rather immature attitude that places responsibility for life on someone other than oneself. I would say he started growing out of it by the time he was 30. I guess I'm just saying, life isn't fair and get over it.
 
I was about to do a poll on the family composition to determine the floor plan functional requirement but it got too complicated so I gave up on that idea. Here are some examples: Family with no kids one income vs two income. Blended family with kids from previous marriages, Divorced family with part time custody vs fulltime of boy or girl and what age. Family with multigeneration elders. Family with children and how many but has an old maid sister or brother with frequent over night guests. Boomerang kids after college who want to live at home to save up for a down payment and addicted to IHB to learning the tricks of the trade, Sucessful late marriage executives with one in vitro-conceived toddler, Single mom with lived in boyfriend or older divorced dad with living together trophy girlfriend slightly older than Junior college age son still living at home.



Too much and confusing so I gave up.
 
Alright, I already said I needed help...



I don't have any sense of entitlement, I don't expect anything from anyone, I have accepted what life has throw at me and am turning lemons into lemonade the best I know how. Yeah, I can come off bitter and resentful but what I was trying to demonstrate was that high affluence cities like Irvine, upper middle-class gen-X/Y'ers have tremendous boomer parental support. It is essentially "unfair" competition if you will. The people who don't get support are at a severe disadvantage. The realities of that Woodbury/VOC/PS/QH SFR is, and simply will be out of reach for the average Irvine wage earner. Unless we hit it big time in business or get lucky some how, I will make Irvine a privilege dream and not a realistic goal.
 
If it makes you feel any better, I went to school with a bunch of Caucasians. Quite a few had parents or other relatives that bought condos in Irvine and near other college towns as an investment in the late '80s early '90s - which they eventually moved into not because they wanted to but because they could not afford anything else on their own. Now they feel trapped. Rent is nearly free, but it always comes at a price. They are not better off than the people I know who have moved out of state and worked for everything they have.
 
[quote author="roundcorners" date=1233895851]Alright, I already said I needed help...



I don't have any sense of entitlement, I don't expect anything from anyone, I have accepted what life has throw at me and am turning lemons into lemonade the best I know how. Yeah, I can come off bitter and resentful but what I was trying to demonstrate was that high affluence cities like Irvine, upper middle-class gen-X/Y'ers have tremendous boomer parental support. It is essentially "unfair" competition if you will. The people who don't get support are at a severe disadvantage. The realities of that Woodbury/VOC/PS/QH SFR is, and simply will be out of reach for the average Irvine wage earner. Unless we hit it big time in business or get lucky some how, I will make Irvine a privilege dream and not a realistic goal.</blockquote>


You could marry into a rich Chinese family and your inlaws then will give you the down payment. A lot of Chinese girls really like Caucasian. If you are a Chinese guy or girl with family you just described then you are at the end of the road sorry!
 
[quote author="bkshopr" date=1233896908][quote author="roundcorners" date=1233895851]Alright, I already said I needed help...



I don't have any sense of entitlement, I don't expect anything from anyone, I have accepted what life has throw at me and am turning lemons into lemonade the best I know how. Yeah, I can come off bitter and resentful but what I was trying to demonstrate was that high affluence cities like Irvine, upper middle-class gen-X/Y'ers have tremendous boomer parental support. It is essentially "unfair" competition if you will. The people who don't get support are at a severe disadvantage. The realities of that Woodbury/VOC/PS/QH SFR is, and simply will be out of reach for the average Irvine wage earner. Unless we hit it big time in business or get lucky some how, I will make Irvine a privilege dream and not a realistic goal.</blockquote>


You could marry into a rich Chinese family and your inlaws then will give you the down payment.</blockquote>


Thanks BK, but I married a Caucasian...
 
[quote author="roundcorners" date=1233897194][quote author="bkshopr" date=1233896908][quote author="roundcorners" date=1233895851]Alright, I already said I needed help...



I don't have any sense of entitlement, I don't expect anything from anyone, I have accepted what life has throw at me and am turning lemons into lemonade the best I know how. Yeah, I can come off bitter and resentful but what I was trying to demonstrate was that high affluence cities like Irvine, upper middle-class gen-X/Y'ers have tremendous boomer parental support. It is essentially "unfair" competition if you will. The people who don't get support are at a severe disadvantage. The realities of that Woodbury/VOC/PS/QH SFR is, and simply will be out of reach for the average Irvine wage earner. Unless we hit it big time in business or get lucky some how, I will make Irvine a privilege dream and not a realistic goal.</blockquote>


You could marry into a rich Chinese family and your inlaws then will give you the down payment.</blockquote>


Thanks BK, but I married a Caucasian...</blockquote>


Boy, you are stuck! Zovall, can you start a Garden Grove Housing Blog.com. Irvine is too expensive and is out of reach by a lot of buyers.
 
Roundcorners, another thing I saw happening when I was going to school was parents moved their families into rental homes (one a 3 bed/2 bath in greentree and the other a 4/3 in Northwood). These were both friends I grew up with and their parents wanted to get them into a IUSD for high school. They were in a private Christian school til 8th grade.



Just cause you think prices are too high to buy doesn't mean they are not affordable to rent. But its best to not go by comparing yourself with others because no matter what there will always be someone in a better (and worst situation). Say you get that 3/2 home in Woodbury. Next you will be complaining how that person with the 5/4 around the corner had even more help and you will be never satisfied with your current situation.
 
[quote author="bkshopr" date=1233896908]A lot of Chinese girls really like Caucasian. </blockquote>But their parents...maybe a different story.
 
[quote author="skek" date=1233892951]I agree with freedom. Choices 4, 5 and 6 all seem pretty dysfunctional to me.



What about for those of us who were raised in divorced households where the parents had different views on this question?</blockquote>


And why does everyone have to married to be buying a house? Can't single people buy a house in Irvine anymore?
 
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