How To Respond In An Uncomfortable Situation

[aquabliss]

This is getting pretty juicy... I thought this stuff only happened in movies.  Are you sure you don't enjoy this even a little bit?  Not saying you would ever take part in anything but just the attention I mean. 

Unfortunately the get a drink part probably means he's looking to get you a bit tipsy and see how much mileage he can get out of you.  I think most guys enjoy the chase, and he'll probably continue to chase as it's a good challenge for him.  Have you been to the store with your kids?  That might sway him a bit, or maybe not.  If all else fails just ask qwerty to go in holding hands with you and give him the death stare.

Lastly, be honest with Mr. So Cal about all of this.  Even if he says he doesn't care to hear it, just let him know so that it's all out on the table and he doesn't hold it against you later. 

 

[irvinehomeowner]

You should bring Mr. SoCal with you to meet Todd.

That may bring out the Green Eyed Monster you are looking for and maybe there will be some grocery store breaking news headline in South County.

 

[Ready2Downsize]

Btw, what exactly does it mean when a guy says, "Can we have a drink sometime"...??

Is this code-word for something? What is the meaning of this?

It does not sound like the most respectable way of asking someone out on a date, imo. It sounds like a way of saying, "You're only good for one thing..."

I have never had a guy say this to me before. Asked me for lunch, yes. Activities (movie, concert, a day trip, golf), yes. Drinks? Never. Sounds sleazy.

How about, "I'd rather have you come to church. This is when our services are. I can meet you there and introduce you to some of the other church members".

 

[socal78]

@aquabliss:

I'm really trying not to sound like a condescending bitch here but, to get the point across, even if I were 100% AVAILABLE, he would NEVER have a chance with me.

Maybe if the attention was coming from a different man who I knew well, liked, and respected, I would secretly enjoy it. I'm a living human being after all. But from him -- no. Other people would say he is good-looking. But he is not my type at all.

After the newest texts, it's gone from being "haha - funny" to "Oh, noooo."

If I could snap my fingers, THIS is what I would want:

Things go back to EXACTLY the way they were before all of this. I want to enjoy going to MY store. The grocery store is my "Me Time" / mental vacation. I want to feel relaxed there. I go there to dream up delicious things to make for my family. Not to worry about dodging a dateless 20-something.

I want him to GO AWAY but as NICELY and professionally as possible. HOW do I do that? I thought I already DID.  :-\

 

[socal78]

You should bring Mr. SoCal with you to meet Todd.

That may bring out the Green Eyed Monster you are looking for

Yes, surely my well-paid, successful manly-man would be extremely threatened by the boyish meat clerk.

 

[socal78]

How about, "I'd rather have you come to church. This is when our services are. I can meet you there and introduce you to some of the other church members".

R2D -- we think alike! This is too funny.... Last night, I was still awake when I got the text. I crafted a reply where I wrote almost exactly the same thing. I know from past experience, it can happen, because that is what happened with Mr. SoCal. He asked to date me and in return, I asked if he would come to church with me. Everything went great. During our dating period, he got saved. But then I realized Mr. SoCal & I were actually dating so of course it's a totally different dynamic. I ended up hitting backspace on the meat guy's text until it was deleted. I couldn't find the right words. I have to think it through a little more how I want to say that. We do have a small group for young adults in their 20s and 30s. I could suggest introducing him to them. I don't know if he would actually do it but maybe it's worth a try. I'm glad you mentioned it because now it's got me re-thinking this again.

 

[zubs]

Todd just asked you out.  Just tell him you are happily married and thanks for the confidence boost.
It can be awkward if you make it awkward. 



Then every time you go to his store, dress well (sexy?) to troll him.

 

[Loco_local]

[QuoteI still don't know how to take a "screen shot" of a text on Android like I've seen other people do. Here is what happened, typed out:[/quote]

Since your husband a smart computer guy, you could ask him or you could google it since you said you were an expert at that.

 

[socal78]

Ok, I decided to text back a.s.a.p. so we could hopefully clear the air before I have to go back to the store yet again today. I tried to keep it as nice as possible. I texted:

"Thank you very much for the kind words, Todd, but I am married. If you're ever looking for something to do one weekend, you're more than welcome to stop by [Church Name]. [Church website here] We attend [this] service. I'd be happy to meet w/ you there & introduce you to the leaders of the young adult group for the 20s and 30s. Feel free to contact me with questions any time. Have a great day. - [SoCal]"

I hope this will now head in a positive direction.

 

[daedalus]

Btw, what exactly does it mean when a guy says, "Can we have a drink sometime"...??

It means you should have shut this down on the very first text so it wouldn't get this far. 

 

[Ready2Downsize]

Ok, I decided to text back a.s.a.p. so we could hopefully clear the air before I have to go back to the store yet again today. I tried to keep it as nice as possible. I texted:

"Thank you very much for the kind words, Todd, but I am married. If you're ever looking for something to do one weekend, you're more than welcome to stop by [Church Name]. [Church website here] We attend [this] service. I'd be happy to meet w/ you there & introduce you to the leaders of the young adult group for the 20s and 30s. Feel free to contact me with questions any time. Have a great day. - [SoCal]"

I hope this will now head in a positive direction.

I think it's best if you shut it down even if you have to shop at other times of the day or elsewhere. You never know what someone might do down the road.

 

[socal78]

Btw, what exactly does it mean when a guy says, "Can we have a drink sometime"...??

It means you should have shut this down on the very first text so it wouldn't get this far. 

When he texted, "Merry Christmas", was I supposed to reply: "F--- you"?

Hindsight is always 20/20. I had no idea what his future intentions were going to be back then. Some advice I got on the board at that time was that his message was not a big deal. I treated it as such. It seemed to be true since 2 months went by without another. I'm comfortable with how I've handled it on my end based on the information I had at the time. Todd is responsible for his own poor observation skills and lack of judgement.

 

[daedalus]

Hindsight not needed when you have wisdom.  I stand by my original advice.    IMO it would have been a clear enough signal then you weren't interested.  The longer you go without sending an adequate message, the harder it gets to send that message, because anything less is seen as tacit approval.  You can say he's responsible for his shortcomings, but you're the one who's uncomfortable while grocery shopping.

 

[socal78]

I think most guys enjoy the chase, and he'll probably continue to chase as it's a good challenge for him.  Have you been to the store with your kids?  That might sway him a bit, or maybe not.  If all else fails just ask qwerty to go in holding hands with you and give him the death stare.

Lastly, be honest with Mr. So Cal about all of this.  Even if he says he doesn't care to hear it, just let him know so that it's all out on the table and he doesn't hold it against you later. 

Yep, fully aware of my kids. He's seen them and I've mentioned them. Heck, my oldest boy, who is half Todd's age, towers over him. Heh. I, too, thought kids would be kryptonite. That's one reason I've mentioned them!

Totally agree. Honesty is important. I give it & I expect it back. I am very honest with the mister, to a fault. He says that is why he trusts me so much. I don't hide small things from him let alone big things. Like I said earlier in this thread, he's known since Day 1.

 

[socal78]

Hindsight not needed when you have wisdom.  I stand by my original advice.    IMO it would have been a clear enough signal then you weren't interested.  The longer you go without sending an adequate message, the harder it gets to send that message, because anything less is seen as tacit approval.

If only there was some universal symbol to let others know we were already taken. Something to head off advances at the pass. Something to indicate we'd stood before God and made a covenant with a single person for the rest of our lives while forsaking all others. Maybe something sparkly or shiny so it couldn't be missed. It might be convenient to wear this on the hand so it is freely visible to all. If only such a thing existed...

 

[paydawg]

Hindsight not needed when you have wisdom.  I stand by my original advice.    IMO it would have been a clear enough signal then you weren't interested.  The longer you go without sending an adequate message, the harder it gets to send that message, because anything less is seen as tacit approval.

If only there was some universal symbol to let others know we were already taken. Something to head off advances at the pass. Something to indicate we'd stood before God and made a covenant with a single person for the rest of our lives while forsaking all others. Maybe something sparkly or shiny so it couldn't be missed. It might be convenient to wear this on the hand so it is freely visible to all. If only such a thing existed...

Haha...a ring doesn't stop all guys....just a fraction of them. 

My guess is that you're personality is genuinely friendly and that comes off as "flirty" to some people.  That's a great quality to have, but it does come with that one downside.  DO NOT stop doing what you're doing....shop at your store whenever you want and how often you want....BUT, I would suggest toning down your friendly nature when you're around him.  Too bad he couldn't see you acting normal in front of others but stand-offish in front him him.  Maybe then, he'll get the idea. 

I'm hoping he can't get any other info on you, right?  All he has is your first name and your cell #?

 

[daedalus]

If only there was some universal symbol to let others know we were already taken. Something to head off advances at the pass. Something to indicate we'd stood before God and made a covenant with a single person for the rest of our lives while forsaking all others. Maybe something sparkly or shiny so it couldn't be missed. It might be convenient to wear this on the hand so it is freely visible to all. If only such a thing existed...

You can be as idealistic (or naive, or sarcastic) as you want, but don't expect the world to take responsibility for its shortcomings any more than Todd will.  Obviously you know the talisman doesn't work, or you wouldn't have posted in the first place.

I'm hoping he can't get any other info on you, right?  All he has is your first name and your cell #?

Heh, I met my new neighbor yesterday.  With just her cell and first name (I didn't use her address) Google got me to her last name, where she works, her prior addresses and who she's related to.  And I didn't even spell her name correctly!  (No, I'm not Todding, I want to know who I'm dealing with, as it looks like we'll be splitting the cost of a new fence).

 

[Ready2Downsize]

Btw, what exactly does it mean when a guy says, "Can we have a drink sometime"...??

It means you should have shut this down on the very first text so it wouldn't get this far. 

When he texted, "Merry Christmas", was I supposed to reply: "F--- you"?

Hindsight is always 20/20. I had no idea what his future intentions were going to be back then. Some advice I got on the board at that time was that his message was not a big deal. I treated it as such. It seemed to be true since 2 months went by without another. I'm comfortable with how I've handled it on my end based on the information I had at the time. Todd is responsible for his own poor observation skills and lack of judgement.

But it seems like he hasn't gotten the message and these days you just never know about someone and what they'll do..... what kind of fantasies he might have and how far he might take them. You can find out a whole lotta stuff just googling and he could follow you home.... not to be trying to scare you but honestly you just never know.

You're just too polite. It seems like he's not playing by the same social rules. He should know to back off but he hasn't.

 

[socal78]

You can be as idealistic (or naive, or sarcastic) as you want, but don't expect the world to take responsibility for its shortcomings any more than Todd will.  Obviously you know the talisman doesn't work, or you wouldn't have posted in the first place.

Talk about naive. You know what's really Pollyannaish? Seeing a woman in her 30s at a reasonable married age, 2 kids, a wedding ring, and assuming she's available. Those kids came from somewhere, didn't they? I didn't make them all by myself. Granted, there are a lot of broken marriages these days. But you'd think Mr. Optimistic would take the simple step of asking before putting on the rubber.

 

[socal78]

Haha...a ring doesn't stop all guys....just a fraction of them. 

My guess is that you're personality is genuinely friendly and that comes off as "flirty" to some people.  That's a great quality to have, but it does come with that one downside.  DO NOT stop doing what you're doing....shop at your store whenever you want and how often you want....BUT, I would suggest toning down your friendly nature when you're around him.  Too bad he couldn't see you acting normal in front of others but stand-offish in front him him.  Maybe then, he'll get the idea. 

I'm hoping he can't get any other info on you, right?  All he has is your first name and your cell #?

Well, I was going to put my burqa on or else stay home. Kidding. I think this is reasonable advice.

I just got back from the (same) store. Luckily, he wasn't there. Shopping at another store isn't really an option for me right now. Besides being impractical due to the distance of the next 2 closest stores, I'm not going to change my life for a random guy. If he were a temptation for me, I would remove myself from the situation at all costs. But he's not. And I doubt he's a Bunny Boiler.

Totally. Kindness & happiness are often mistaken for flirtation. I was short with him the last 2x we saw each other in person. I will up-it to being curt. It will suck having little help from his department but I'll try to navigate without interaction. Workers there are often transferred. Let's hope.