The Escrow, Title, and other non-lender fees unfortunately are not negotiable for the most part. You can ask and hopefully get a bit off. If you can show a bona-fide cost quote from the same company (1st AM builder versus 1st AM resale home for example) then that can help your case.
Lender fees - underwriting, processing, credit report, tax service, flood certification, documents - should not top $1,000. The appraisal can add another $450 or so.
Rates today for a Jumbo Conforming mortgage run in the low 5's for -0- points (-0- origination/-0- discount points). Sub 5% rates do vary quite a bit so an exact quote for those terms is best obtained directly from a lender.
If you're going to jump ship due to costs, expect a sudden improvement in pricing from the in house lender. While this is consumer friendly, it's also a terrible way to do business because the first quote should always be your best quote. If your first quote could be bettered, now that there is competition, the first quote was a sham... proving the lender was more of a used car salesman rather than a mortgage professional.
If you find a legitimate quote from another company, I'd suggest letting the current lender give you their best and final offer. The same day as the other company for their best and final offer, then commit to closing with one or the other vendors. This has to be done no later than 30 days before COE. If you try this two weeks before closing, the in house lender knows you can't close in that time frame and will not budge on pricing... unless their first quote was their best to begin with... but I digress.
After you move (or stay) I can guarantee you'll hear of a better deal elsewhere. It's going to happen. Stick with your final choice. The better deal you hear about could be a phantom, not worth the time or effort to chase down. You have made a great choice in finance companies, your mortgage professional is taking good care of you, and you negotiated a market competitive price. Now, just enjoy the glide path towards closing and await the keys to your new home.
My .02c
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