How do you spoil your kids

W

WillJoy

New member
I hate other people's spoiled brats but secretly I try to out-spoil mine.

Honestly and hopelessly, I think the happiness-buying is an absolute necessity for healthy parents-kids relationship. In many ways (socially speaking), we have so little to offer them now. They no longer come to us for answers. And soon they would be drifting into their own social circles and cutting us off completely. So while my money still buy me some relevance, I try.

What's better than a Friday to share how you spoil your own.



 
Yeah... I think my kids are spoiled.

They get most toys/electronics they want (and that we can afford) and we often plan our meals around what they like to eat (when I was a kid, I had to eat whatever was cooked that night).

The funny thing is no matter how much you spoil them, they point out how other kids have more things (and I'm sure those kids point out other kids).

That's why we like to visit QwerTustin once in a while, to show them how good their life really is.

#snap
 
irvinehomeowner said:
Yeah... I think my kids are spoiled.

They get most toys/electronics they want (and that we can afford) and we often plan our meals around what they like to eat (when I was a kid, I had to eat whatever was cooked that night).

The funny thing is no matter how much you spoil them, they point out how other kids have more things (and I'm sure those kids point out other kids).

That's why we like to visit QwerTustin once in a while, to show them how good their life really is.

#snap
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Wait. Not to Africa?
 
WillJoy said:
I hate other people's spoiled brats but secretly I try to out-spoil mine.

Honestly and hopelessly, I think the happiness-buying is an absolute necessity for healthy parents-kids relationship. In many ways (socially speaking), we have so little to offer them now. They no longer come to us for answers. And soon they would be drifting into their own social circles and cutting us off completely. So while my money still buy me some relevance, I try.

What's better than a Friday to share how you spoil your own.
Click to expand...

Let me guess your a democrat. You don't have to answer.
 
I guess you would have to define "spoiled".

We are pretty careful about exposure to TV/videos (although that's waning a bit)...very little exposure to electronics. 

We take her to nice restaurants and give in on what she wants to eat.

She doesn't have that many toys or gadgets.
 
When xbox and nintendo cube first came out, I got up at 4am to line up outside Best Buy. Ever since there highlights of our lives have been hinged on the yearly upgrades, ipod, iphone, ipad, another iphone, another ipad, another iphone ... I didn't just spoil my first born, I think I have successfully ruined him.

 
irvinehomeowner said:
we often plan our meals around what they like to eat (when I was a kid, I had to eat whatever was cooked that night).
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Yeah, sad, as kids we had to eat what was cooked at that night and even as Adults we have to eat only what the wife buys for kids at night  :-X
 
Irvine Dream said:
irvinehomeowner said:
we often plan our meals around what they like to eat (when I was a kid, I had to eat whatever was cooked that night).
Click to expand...

Yeah, sad, as kids we had to eat what was cooked at that night and even as Adults we have to eat only what the wife buys for kids at night  :-X
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Yea I'm pretty much a short order cook.  I try not to be but kids won't eat what I eat. I won't eat what they eat (bland, repetitive). And for the sake of them actually eating, I do it.
 
Irvinecommuter said:
I guess you would have to define "spoiled".

We are pretty careful about exposure to TV/videos (although that's waning a bit)...very little exposure to electronics. 

We take her to nice restaurants and give in on what she wants to eat.

She doesn't have that many toys or gadgets.
Click to expand...

But how do you deal with the begging eyes? The furbies, the american dolls, the justice, the shoes, nail polishes, nail saloons, endless string of birthday parties and gifts and everything pink.

I have one boy and one girl. In comparison, the girl is going to cost me a lot more than her brother, financially and emotionally. I had a full head of hair before she was born. Now a small bottle of shampoo would last me at least a year.

 
WillJoy said:
Irvinecommuter said:
I guess you would have to define "spoiled".

We are pretty careful about exposure to TV/videos (although that's waning a bit)...very little exposure to electronics. 

We take her to nice restaurants and give in on what she wants to eat.

She doesn't have that many toys or gadgets.
Click to expand...

But how do you deal with the begging eyes? The furbies, the american dolls, the justice, the shoes, nail polishes, nail saloons, endless string of birthday parties and gifts and everything pink.

I have one boy and one girl. In comparison, the girl is going to cost me a lot more than her brother, financially and emotionally. I had a full head of hair before she was born. Now a small bottle of shampoo would last me at least a year.
Click to expand...

I just say no and move on.  She's not really exposed to much commercials so not really demanding but I just say no.
 
Some things to chew on:

Sometimes it's cute when kids act self-centered. Yet parenting styles can make the difference between a confident child and a narcissistic nightmare, psychologists at the University of Amsterdam and Utrecht University in the Netherlands concluded from the first longitudinal study on the origins of intense feelings of superiority in children.

Two prominent but nearly opposing schools of thought address how narcissism develops. The first attributes extreme self-love to a lack of affection from parents; the other implicates moms and dads who place their children on a pedestal by lavishing them with praise. Over the course of 18 months, 565 kids aged seven through 11 took multiple surveys designed to measure self-esteem, narcissism and their parents' warmth, answering questions about how much they identify with statements such as ?kids like me deserve something extra.? The parents filled out reciprocal surveys about their approach to child rearing.

In a March issue of Proceedings of the National Academy of Sciences USA, the Dutch researchers report that children of excessively praising parents were more likely to score high on narcissistic qualities but not on self-esteem. They also found that lack of parental warmth showed no such link to narcissism.
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http://www.scientificamerican.com/article/too-much-praise-promotes-narcissism/
 
Positive reinforcement does not positively result in positive results.

Not only do I find spoiled brats irritating, I despise their spoiling parents. Spoiling a kid with material stuff is one thing. But spoiling them with constant attention is actually worse. I find kids who couldn't stop talking very annoying. Sometimes it is so obvious that even though the kid is talking to himself, he's actually expecting the totally unrelated adult (me) to hear him, pretty much like what I'm doing here.

Kids are just not kids anymore. They listen into adult conversations, form opinions inappropriate to their age and try to talk like grown-ups. I often find it necessary to remind my kids not to behave beyond their age but the peer influence is quite obvious and there is only so much one can do. Specifically I'm referring to some Chinese parents around us. They seem to take pride in their kids being overly mature. There is nothing mature about their children. IMHO these kids are simply calculating. Pretty scary.
 
This is an interesting topic, my husband and I were just talking about how to raise unselfish children that are grateful and more content with life experiences over material things. Especially when growing up in Orange County. My husband and I grew up dirt poor so looking back we have an immense appreciation for what we have accumulated in life. We try to live below our means, shop at Walmart, really limit the material things we buy the kids. To me I'd much rather enjoy family experiences with them like vacations. I know it's hard for all of us parents in OC but some activities that instill that appreciation and gratitude are volunteer activities in underserved communities. You have to physically take your child to these events within the U.S. Or a 3rd world country so they can see how truly blessed they are. And we never expose our children to overly extravagant experiences or talk about our wealth in front of them so they are sheltered and feel no more special or ever think they are above others.
 
Irvinecommuter said:
I guess you would have to define "spoiled".

We are pretty careful about exposure to TV/videos (although that's waning a bit)...very little exposure to electronics. 

We take her to nice restaurants and give in on what she wants to eat.

She doesn't have that many toys or gadgets.
Click to expand...

Ha, that sounds just like our routine with kids. Their TV/tablet time is very limited.

Eating out is the where we are more lenient.
 
Paris said:
This is an interesting topic, my husband and I were just talking about how to raise unselfish children that are grateful and more content with life experiences over material things. Especially when growing up in Orange County. My husband and I grew up dirt poor so looking back we have an immense appreciation for what we have accumulated in life. We try to live below our means, shop at Walmart, really limit the material things we buy the kids. To me I'd much rather enjoy family experiences with them like vacations. I know it's hard for all of us parents in OC but some activities that instill that appreciation and gratitude are volunteer activities in underserved communities. You have to physically take your child to these events within the U.S. Or a 3rd world country so they can see how truly blessed they are. And we never expose our children to overly extravagant experiences or talk about our wealth in front of them so they are sheltered and feel no more special or ever think they are above others.
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It all starts with top down.
 
One of the ways we guide our kids is praying before meals. Giving thanks to our Heavenly Father for providing the food before us. For the roof over our head, etc. That is usually the time we will also do a daily family prayer for, say, wisdom or discernment or protection or pray for people we know. I will usually rotate who gets to say the blessing or ask for a volunteer. It's really sweet to hear what they have to say. They come up with some things that I never realized they thought much about. But kids can be grateful even for the smallest things. It's really cute when they pray for us like when I had surgery. So, in addition to being grateful each day for being blessed with having the basics covered..  I just also remind them that life is not a quest for material things. We just don't place much importance on it. We serve a God who doesn't care what kind of car we drive. When every day purchases are made for example at the grocery store, I bring them with me to teach them how to determine value, how to comparison shop, and how to look beyond labels and marketing to determine if something is really worth buying, if the underlying value is there. I was raised to always ask myself before buying something: "Is this a need or is it a want?" If it's a want, you can do without it. I teach them that. So far so good. They are both great at saving their money. These kids never ask me for anything, seriously. My son just had his birthday and he couldn't think of one thing he really wanted. He said he just wanted to spend time with his family and maybe have ice cream but "no big deal" if he didn't.
 
socal, please keep posting...  i am trying to teach my kid some good asian value and some good american value.  i especially like your "need" vs "want"...

hope everything is okay w/ you and your surgery..  TI is NOT the same w/o you..
 
Don't know how you do it, SoCal. I tried the need/want talk last night and my daughter started crying. I got this stare from my wife because the insinuation was too obvious.
 
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