Entertaining listing descriptions

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Mcdonna1980_IHB

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I got such a good laugh from this listing's description, I had to share.

NOT A SHORT SALE, INVESTOR OWNED (new term for bank?) FORECLOSURE, INCREDIBLE OPPORTUNITY!! This home is Priced 250K under current comp sales & active listings. It is located in the sought after, gated community of Covenant Hills. The living room features a cozy fireplace. The gourmet kitchen has, stainless steel appliances, breakfast bar, central island, gas range, and granite counters. There is a large master suite w/ walk-in closet downstairs. The third level princess suite(maybe this where the damsel in debt awaits her loan modification knight)wants for has fantastic views & on a clear day you can see the ocean. There is a casita w/ bath which if used as a home office can be written off on your taxes. (who ever buys this should ask the realtor to sign off on that return)There are high ceilings, lots of canned lights, double hung windows, stylish doors, custom built in cabinets, & a very private large oversized lot. Great location that is close to schools, shopping, and Ladera Ranch's water park & skate park. IF YOU'VE BEEN WAITING FOR A STEAL, STOP LOOKING THIS IS THE ONE! ASSET MANAGER CAN RESPOND TO OFFERS WITHIN 48 HOURS
 
What can I say... this is the first novel of a description I've sceen. The family pics are definitely odd. But I will give him credit because the picture is what caught my attention.

64674215_0.jpg


3 bedroom, 2.5 bath gorgeously appointed Ladera Ranch Townhome; Built by Standard Pacific Homes in 2005; 2035 square feet of living space per builderBrick & Flagstone accented extended front porch leads you into living room with hand scraped Lapacho Walnut hard wood floors, gas fireplace & mantle framed by built-in book cases & storage, cozy window seat & recessed lighting; Conveniently located downstairs powder room; Family room or den includes window seat & picture windows to dining area; Dining area with built-in china cabinet including wine & glass storage; Kitchen includes granite countertops, decorative multi-colored slate, glass & chrome tile backsplash, multi-color slate floors in Versaille pattern, dishwasher, built-in gas stove & oven, built-in microwave, center island with storage & breakfast counter, walk-in pantry, recessed & under cabinet lighting; Large master bedroom features three windows, recessed lighting & crown molding; Master bath includes two sinks, granite countertop, limestone tile floors, large oval tub, separate shower with glass enclosure & walk-in closet; Built-in computer desk at top of stairs with storage; Guest bedroom with closet could be den; Bedroom 2 includes walk-in closet, decorative chair rail & ceiling fan; Upstairs full guest bath with limestone tile floors, tub, shower & two sinks Interior upstairs laundry room; Separate linen storage; Crown molding & 5? baseboards, custom interior paint, recessed lighting, two inch blinds and roman shades throughout;

What the Owner Loves: Central air & forced air heat; Association dues $165 per month include common area maintenance, skate park, sport & tennis courts, water park, parks, clubhouses & swimming pools; $216 per month Mello Roos Two car attached finished garage with direct access, pro-installed roof racking storage & opener Hard to find end unit corner location with ample guest parking close to golf, churches, theaters, parks, schools & shopping. Buyer to pay Ladera Ranch Lifestyle Enhancement fee of .25 of 1% of sales price Notes from owner: Perfect floor plan... Every Room is Usable...Nothing is wasted. The Upgraded features are usable and a Blessing. No Money was wasted. Paint colors are modern , but Vibrant. Green, Plum, Yellow...Not the standard Beige , or Trendy Chocolate & Blue Vibe! The Neighbors are quiet and Educated! The Front porch is clean, hip and usable! The built-in wine rack & China Cabinet is a space saver! The Master bath is open, lighted, and easy to share with 2 or even 3 people! Clean neighborhood. Diverse cultures...and Lots of educated people! No thumping, annoying music. Super close (250 yards) to childrens Waterpark, and Skatepark! PLUS another Big park & pool within 5 minutes walk. Guest parking is right outside! I like to surf and it is a quick drive to the beach! 15 minutes to Doheny Beach in Dana Point. 20 Minutes to Salt Creek Beach in Dana Point, CA. 20 minutes to San Clemente beaches.

Is this even for real?
 
Mcdonna1980 said:
What can I say... this is the first novel of a description I've sceen. The family pics are definitely odd. But I will give him credit because the picture is what caught my attention.

64674215_0.jpg


3 bedroom, 2.5 bath gorgeously appointed Ladera Ranch Townhome; Built by Standard Pacific Homes in 2005; 2035 square feet of living space per builderBrick & Flagstone accented extended front porch leads you into living room with hand scraped Lapacho Walnut hard wood floors, gas fireplace & mantle framed by built-in book cases & storage, cozy window seat & recessed lighting; Conveniently located downstairs powder room; Family room or den includes window seat & picture windows to dining area; Dining area with built-in china cabinet including wine & glass storage; Kitchen includes granite countertops, decorative multi-colored slate, glass & chrome tile backsplash, multi-color slate floors in Versaille pattern, dishwasher, built-in gas stove & oven, built-in microwave, center island with storage & breakfast counter, walk-in pantry, recessed & under cabinet lighting; Large master bedroom features three windows, recessed lighting & crown molding; Master bath includes two sinks, granite countertop, limestone tile floors, large oval tub, separate shower with glass enclosure & walk-in closet; Built-in computer desk at top of stairs with storage; Guest bedroom with closet could be den; Bedroom 2 includes walk-in closet, decorative chair rail & ceiling fan; Upstairs full guest bath with limestone tile floors, tub, shower & two sinks Interior upstairs laundry room; Separate linen storage; Crown molding & 5? baseboards, custom interior paint, recessed lighting, two inch blinds and roman shades throughout;

What the Owner Loves: Central air & forced air heat; Association dues $165 per month include common area maintenance, skate park, sport & tennis courts, water park, parks, clubhouses & swimming pools; $216 per month Mello Roos Two car attached finished garage with direct access, pro-installed roof racking storage & opener Hard to find end unit corner location with ample guest parking close to golf, churches, theaters, parks, schools & shopping. Buyer to pay Ladera Ranch Lifestyle Enhancement fee of .25 of 1% of sales price Notes from owner: Perfect floor plan... Every Room is Usable...Nothing is wasted. The Upgraded features are usable and a Blessing. No Money was wasted. Paint colors are modern , but Vibrant. Green, Plum, Yellow...Not the standard Beige , or Trendy Chocolate & Blue Vibe! The Neighbors are quiet and Educated! The Front porch is clean, hip and usable! The built-in wine rack & China Cabinet is a space saver! The Master bath is open, lighted, and easy to share with 2 or even 3 people! Clean neighborhood. Diverse cultures...and Lots of educated people! No thumping, annoying music. Super close (250 yards) to childrens Waterpark, and Skatepark! PLUS another Big park & pool within 5 minutes walk. Guest parking is right outside! I like to surf and it is a quick drive to the beach! 15 minutes to Doheny Beach in Dana Point. 20 Minutes to Salt Creek Beach in Dana Point, CA. 20 minutes to San Clemente beaches.

Is this even for real?

It's the listing with that "personal" touch. I wonder if I would have sold my condo for a higher price if I would have included some family pictures in my listing pix, hmmmm. haha
 
usctrojanman29 said:
It's the listing with that "personal" touch. I wonder if I would have sold my condo for a higher price if I would have included some family pictures in my listing pix, hmmmm. haha

People picked on you enough with the pics you had...I can't imagine what it would have been!
 
usctrojanman29 said:
Mcdonna1980 said:
What can I say... this is the first novel of a description I've sceen. The family pics are definitely odd. But I will give him credit because the picture is what caught my attention.

64674215_0.jpg


3 bedroom, 2.5 bath gorgeously appointed Ladera Ranch Townhome; Built by Standard Pacific Homes in 2005; 2035 square feet of living space per builderBrick & Flagstone accented extended front porch leads you into living room with hand scraped Lapacho Walnut hard wood floors, gas fireplace & mantle framed by built-in book cases & storage, cozy window seat & recessed lighting; Conveniently located downstairs powder room; Family room or den includes window seat & picture windows to dining area; Dining area with built-in china cabinet including wine & glass storage; Kitchen includes granite countertops, decorative multi-colored slate, glass & chrome tile backsplash, multi-color slate floors in Versaille pattern, dishwasher, built-in gas stove & oven, built-in microwave, center island with storage & breakfast counter, walk-in pantry, recessed & under cabinet lighting; Large master bedroom features three windows, recessed lighting & crown molding; Master bath includes two sinks, granite countertop, limestone tile floors, large oval tub, separate shower with glass enclosure & walk-in closet; Built-in computer desk at top of stairs with storage; Guest bedroom with closet could be den; Bedroom 2 includes walk-in closet, decorative chair rail & ceiling fan; Upstairs full guest bath with limestone tile floors, tub, shower & two sinks Interior upstairs laundry room; Separate linen storage; Crown molding & 5? baseboards, custom interior paint, recessed lighting, two inch blinds and roman shades throughout;

What the Owner Loves: Central air & forced air heat; Association dues $165 per month include common area maintenance, skate park, sport & tennis courts, water park, parks, clubhouses & swimming pools; $216 per month Mello Roos Two car attached finished garage with direct access, pro-installed roof racking storage & opener Hard to find end unit corner location with ample guest parking close to golf, churches, theaters, parks, schools & shopping. Buyer to pay Ladera Ranch Lifestyle Enhancement fee of .25 of 1% of sales price Notes from owner: Perfect floor plan... Every Room is Usable...Nothing is wasted. The Upgraded features are usable and a Blessing. No Money was wasted. Paint colors are modern , but Vibrant. Green, Plum, Yellow...Not the standard Beige , or Trendy Chocolate & Blue Vibe! The Neighbors are quiet and Educated! The Front porch is clean, hip and usable! The built-in wine rack & China Cabinet is a space saver! The Master bath is open, lighted, and easy to share with 2 or even 3 people! Clean neighborhood. Diverse cultures...and Lots of educated people! No thumping, annoying music. Super close (250 yards) to childrens Waterpark, and Skatepark! PLUS another Big park & pool within 5 minutes walk. Guest parking is right outside! I like to surf and it is a quick drive to the beach! 15 minutes to Doheny Beach in Dana Point. 20 Minutes to Salt Creek Beach in Dana Point, CA. 20 minutes to San Clemente beaches.

Is this even for real?

It's the listing with that "personal" touch. I wonder if I would have sold my condo for a higher price if I would have included some family pictures in my listing pix, hmmmm. haha


This is very bizarre. No pictures of the outside of the home but several of the kid? The realtor (who I assume is the owner??) mentions TWICE that the the neighbors are 'educated'. What the heck?
 
SoOCOwner said:
This is very bizarre. No pictures of the outside of the home but several of the kid? The realtor (who I assume is the owner??) mentions TWICE that the the neighbors are 'educated'. What the heck?

Is that code for "white"? Sounds like it.
 
Roo said:
usctrojanman29 said:
It's the listing with that "personal" touch. I wonder if I would have sold my condo for a higher price if I would have included some family pictures in my listing pix, hmmmm. haha

People picked on you enough with the pics you had...I can't imagine what it would have been!
I opened myself up for that one. haha
 
SoOCOwner said:
usctrojanman29 said:
Mcdonna1980 said:
What can I say... this is the first novel of a description I've sceen. The family pics are definitely odd. But I will give him credit because the picture is what caught my attention.

64674215_0.jpg


3 bedroom, 2.5 bath gorgeously appointed Ladera Ranch Townhome; Built by Standard Pacific Homes in 2005; 2035 square feet of living space per builderBrick & Flagstone accented extended front porch leads you into living room with hand scraped Lapacho Walnut hard wood floors, gas fireplace & mantle framed by built-in book cases & storage, cozy window seat & recessed lighting; Conveniently located downstairs powder room; Family room or den includes window seat & picture windows to dining area; Dining area with built-in china cabinet including wine & glass storage; Kitchen includes granite countertops, decorative multi-colored slate, glass & chrome tile backsplash, multi-color slate floors in Versaille pattern, dishwasher, built-in gas stove & oven, built-in microwave, center island with storage & breakfast counter, walk-in pantry, recessed & under cabinet lighting; Large master bedroom features three windows, recessed lighting & crown molding; Master bath includes two sinks, granite countertop, limestone tile floors, large oval tub, separate shower with glass enclosure & walk-in closet; Built-in computer desk at top of stairs with storage; Guest bedroom with closet could be den; Bedroom 2 includes walk-in closet, decorative chair rail & ceiling fan; Upstairs full guest bath with limestone tile floors, tub, shower & two sinks Interior upstairs laundry room; Separate linen storage; Crown molding & 5? baseboards, custom interior paint, recessed lighting, two inch blinds and roman shades throughout;

What the Owner Loves: Central air & forced air heat; Association dues $165 per month include common area maintenance, skate park, sport & tennis courts, water park, parks, clubhouses & swimming pools; $216 per month Mello Roos Two car attached finished garage with direct access, pro-installed roof racking storage & opener Hard to find end unit corner location with ample guest parking close to golf, churches, theaters, parks, schools & shopping. Buyer to pay Ladera Ranch Lifestyle Enhancement fee of .25 of 1% of sales price Notes from owner: Perfect floor plan... Every Room is Usable...Nothing is wasted. The Upgraded features are usable and a Blessing. No Money was wasted. Paint colors are modern , but Vibrant. Green, Plum, Yellow...Not the standard Beige , or Trendy Chocolate & Blue Vibe! The Neighbors are quiet and Educated! The Front porch is clean, hip and usable! The built-in wine rack & China Cabinet is a space saver! The Master bath is open, lighted, and easy to share with 2 or even 3 people! Clean neighborhood. Diverse cultures...and Lots of educated people! No thumping, annoying music. Super close (250 yards) to childrens Waterpark, and Skatepark! PLUS another Big park & pool within 5 minutes walk. Guest parking is right outside! I like to surf and it is a quick drive to the beach! 15 minutes to Doheny Beach in Dana Point. 20 Minutes to Salt Creek Beach in Dana Point, CA. 20 minutes to San Clemente beaches.

Is this even for real?

It's the listing with that "personal" touch. I wonder if I would have sold my condo for a higher price if I would have included some family pictures in my listing pix, hmmmm. haha


This is very bizarre. No pictures of the outside of the home but several of the kid? The realtor (who I assume is the owner??) mentions TWICE that the the neighbors are 'educated'. What the heck?


anyone have any other info on this house? Price seems really good. I saw that he bought the house for 561K. Is he just trying to start a bidding war by setting the price so low?
 
Perhaps *** even more *** annoying that all CAPS

"Luxury Executive home in Coto de Caza***Located on a single loaded street***Totally upgraded****Remodeled Kitchen***walk in pantry***baths****Built ins throughout*****Entertaining back yard with huge pool/spa overlooking the Coto de Caza Valley****firepit****built in BBQ with large bar area****Great opportunity*****These don't come on the market often****Master bedroom with large balcony area***Fireplace in master*** Bonus room with built ins and fireplace***Fabulous views from back yard and deck off of master bedroom*****downstairs den or bedroom***Large lot!!!!!Hundreds of thousands in ugrades!!!!VIEW........."

They aren't even consistent with how many asterisks. 3, 4, 5.... also "***baths****" - really for almost 900k I think that is a given. Nice that they did save all the exclamation marks and caps for the end. It shows restraint!!!......
 
"Downtown also has buses/tramps that operate regularly and will save you the hassle of traffic bottlenecks during rush hour."

Nothing like tramps that operate regularly to make the rush hour go better.

I am also looking for the original ad, but I saw an overabbreviated one "woodburning dishwasher". I like that smoky flavor on my food.
 
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