roundcorners_IHB
New member
Hey ladies, I’ll tell you a little secret about your husbands. When you guys visit those large model homes; and you comment how wonderful and roomy the house feels; and you mention how you like certain features and upgrades; and he sees how happy and excited you look talking about the house; what is going deep in his soul is pure insecurity!
The deepest, darkest secret of every Irvine Manis the question: does he have what it takes? Does he have what it takes to make you feel secure and happy? Can he buy you that big house; can he provide, can he come through for you. The basic question goes something like this; what if I give it all I got and it’s still not enough! That is what haunts every man; so much so that he rather hide; hide at work, hide from you (emotionally) and hide from other guys.
During the housing boom, I felt like the biggest looser. There was no way I could remotely afford those outrageous prices. I was so frustrated and defeated that from my brokenness I turned to resentment for people who could buy (with parental help) and actively participated in the Schadenfreude here on the IHB.
After talking and personally getting to know some of our friends who have bought, we see the instability in their current financial lives; my wife and I learned to not make the same mistake.
One of the best heart-to-heart conversations recently was when we were defining the issue of security in our marriage. For me as a guy, I automatically assume she was talking about financial security. I was trying to sell her on having to work a little harder and a little longer; so we can stash away a little more for the down payment; also, having to sacrifice and stretch a little more so that we can buy that house we’ve been waiting for. When I carefully listened to her responses; what she actually wanted more was emotional security.
When giving my wife the same exact poll above; she overwhelmingly chose to down size our lifestyle over buying a larger house. She would rather I spend more time in our modest home, going on cheap date nights than to live in a huge home where I’ll be gone most of the time. She sees how important our third placesare; and how vital our community plays in our character, growth, marriage and emotional well-being.
The most surprising thing about her response was how relieve I felt. It felt as if huge bolder has been lifted off my shoulders. There I was staying up late at night, crunching numbers on excel, trying to figure out the mello-roos, tax, HOA fees; coming up with best and worst case income scenarios in trying to afford different properties. All the while, all she really wants is that I be a good dad to our son; and all she needs is that I love her for the rest of her life.
The deepest, darkest secret of every Irvine Manis the question: does he have what it takes? Does he have what it takes to make you feel secure and happy? Can he buy you that big house; can he provide, can he come through for you. The basic question goes something like this; what if I give it all I got and it’s still not enough! That is what haunts every man; so much so that he rather hide; hide at work, hide from you (emotionally) and hide from other guys.
During the housing boom, I felt like the biggest looser. There was no way I could remotely afford those outrageous prices. I was so frustrated and defeated that from my brokenness I turned to resentment for people who could buy (with parental help) and actively participated in the Schadenfreude here on the IHB.
After talking and personally getting to know some of our friends who have bought, we see the instability in their current financial lives; my wife and I learned to not make the same mistake.
One of the best heart-to-heart conversations recently was when we were defining the issue of security in our marriage. For me as a guy, I automatically assume she was talking about financial security. I was trying to sell her on having to work a little harder and a little longer; so we can stash away a little more for the down payment; also, having to sacrifice and stretch a little more so that we can buy that house we’ve been waiting for. When I carefully listened to her responses; what she actually wanted more was emotional security.
When giving my wife the same exact poll above; she overwhelmingly chose to down size our lifestyle over buying a larger house. She would rather I spend more time in our modest home, going on cheap date nights than to live in a huge home where I’ll be gone most of the time. She sees how important our third placesare; and how vital our community plays in our character, growth, marriage and emotional well-being.
The most surprising thing about her response was how relieve I felt. It felt as if huge bolder has been lifted off my shoulders. There I was staying up late at night, crunching numbers on excel, trying to figure out the mello-roos, tax, HOA fees; coming up with best and worst case income scenarios in trying to afford different properties. All the while, all she really wants is that I be a good dad to our son; and all she needs is that I love her for the rest of her life.
