Author Topic: Relationships  (Read 6603 times)

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Offline SoCal

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Relationships
« on: September 26, 2016, 01:05:15 PM »
I'm filing this under Health because I suppose it's emotional health.

I sometimes have trouble understanding the way men think. I have a pretty basic question for you men:

If a man does not get jealous of another guy flirting with his partner, does that mean he doesn't really care that much (about her)?

What I am told it means is that he so confident and secure in the relationship that he does not feel threatened by any other person. Since he is not one bit concerned, he doesn't react. I kind of get it and I kind of don't. If the tables were turned, I think most women would struggle to not react *at all* no matter how much they trust their partner. It's just a visceral response. Unless you really, truly, don't care what happens.

Offline aquabliss

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Re: Relationships
« Reply #1 on: September 26, 2016, 01:40:34 PM »
It depends on the guy.  Some are jealous and others aren't.  Some guys like other guys looking at their girls, and others get belligerent when it happens. 

In your case, I would say if there was a sudden "change" in the way the partner reacted (where he used to be jealous now he's complacent), then it could be due to a lack of caring.

It also has a lot to do with the guy that's flirting with the partner.  If a big ugly guy flirted with my wife I think I wouldn't care much.  However, if Brad Womack flirted with my wife (this guy was bachelor a few years back and my wife thinks he's the hottest thing ever), then I'd be considerably more jealous.

So many different factors can enter into the reaction of the partner.

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Offline Perspective

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Re: Relationships
« Reply #2 on: September 26, 2016, 01:43:37 PM »
The reaction, or absence thereof, could have nothing to do with the relationship. An insecure man/woman will lash-out when threatened by a flirt.

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Offline SoCal

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Re: Relationships
« Reply #3 on: September 26, 2016, 01:56:58 PM »
It also has a lot to do with the guy that's flirting with the partner.

What if you haven't seen the guy/s? Would you want to know more or just shrug it off.

Offline zubs

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Re: Relationships
« Reply #4 on: September 26, 2016, 02:03:07 PM »
Mate guarding is unattractive.  If he reacted to the flirting he would look weak.  Showing jealousy is a weakness, and you would think less of him. 

Maybe he wanted to react to the flirting, but he knows how the game works.
« Last Edit: September 26, 2016, 02:10:21 PM by zubs »

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Offline SoclosetoIrvine

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Re: Relationships
« Reply #5 on: September 26, 2016, 02:04:42 PM »
In healthy relationships, there's usually open communication on these topics and trust between partners.  In these relationships, the feeling is usually mutual...but yeah it does seem a bit unusual to just shrug it off and not want to know any more...

Guys are pretty simple creatures I think...we either care or we don't.  Some pay care too much and get insecure and others just "go through the motions."  Never the less, open communication is best.  Have a talk with him/her and find out what's really going on..

Best of luck!  :)

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Offline SoCal

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Re: Relationships
« Reply #6 on: September 26, 2016, 02:16:16 PM »
In your case, I would say if there was a sudden "change" in the way the partner reacted (where he used to be jealous now he's complacent), then it could be due to a lack of caring.

Hmm, looking for a change -- good point!

It's been the same forever. He's never reacted jealously. Overall, he has what I would call a very laid-back personality and has gotten moreso as he's gotten older. Little reaction to most things such as happy events, sad events, scary events, frustrating events, etc. If emotions were a roller coaster, his would be relatively flat. I've often told him if he won the Lotto, when most people would be jumping up & down, his reaction would probably be: (Hands in pockets) "Hmm. Okay. Nice." He says that's true. 

Offline nosuchreality

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Re: Relationships
« Reply #7 on: September 26, 2016, 02:26:00 PM »
It also has a lot to do with the guy that's flirting with the partner.

What if you haven't seen the guy/s? Would you want to know more or just shrug it off.

This is just me, I'm pretty low-key and sounds like your SO is too.  I'd hate if I had to deal with that kind of drama whenever some guy flirted with my wife.

IMO, I only want to hear about it if you want me to do something about it (i,e, dumb-dumb isn't taking the hint and dropping it) or there's something creepy about it you need to make me aware in case the creepo didn't get the hint.  Or your a little creeped out and just need a sounding board to recenter but no looking for reaction out of me.

Otherwise, it feels like emotional fishing, and that's not good. IMO.

Offline aquabliss

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Re: Relationships
« Reply #8 on: September 26, 2016, 02:28:47 PM »
In your case, I would say if there was a sudden "change" in the way the partner reacted (where he used to be jealous now he's complacent), then it could be due to a lack of caring.

Hmm, looking for a change -- good point!

It's been the same forever. He's never reacted jealously. Overall, he has what I would call a very laid-back personality and has gotten moreso as he's gotten older. Little reaction to most things such as happy events, sad events, scary events, frustrating events, etc. If emotions were a roller coaster, his would be relatively flat. I've often told him if he won the Lotto, when most people would be jumping up & down, his reaction would probably be: (Hands in pockets) "Hmm. Okay. Nice." He says that's true. 

In that case since his personality has been pretty 'evenflow', I don't think it's anything to be alarmed about.  Probably tough to change that after so many years as well - but I'm sure your used to it.

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Offline SoCal

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Re: Relationships
« Reply #9 on: September 26, 2016, 02:34:37 PM »
  Never the less, open communication is best.  Have a talk with him/her and find out what's really going on..

Best of luck!  :)

It's good advice. I have done my best to figure it out many times and he does his best to answer. Answers are typical guy answers: brief, simple, one or two word answers. Despite being "simple", I struggle to understand the line of thinking. It could be because I have a more high-strung personality. He is very mellow. We are opposites in that regard. I also read between the lines. He is more "surfacey".

Offline peppy

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Re: Relationships
« Reply #10 on: September 26, 2016, 02:50:56 PM »
SoCal, I have to let you in on a little known secret about us guys. When we are asked a question, our brains go crazy figuring out multiple scenarios and outcomes and the impact this will have on all sorts of aspects relating to different relationships in our lives. We want to just go on long winded discussions about any and all what-if scenarios and how this will impact us emotionally. It tears us apart on the inside. We then bite our tongues, shrug and just grunt out a two word half answer. Just kidding, that was probably just the best answer we could come up with.

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Offline SoCal

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Re: Relationships
« Reply #11 on: September 26, 2016, 03:19:56 PM »
Peppy -- woah -- you had me, hook, line, and sinker! Reading your post, I thought I finally found the answer to unlocking the mystery of men! That was a good one.

Offline SoclosetoIrvine

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Re: Relationships
« Reply #12 on: September 26, 2016, 03:47:53 PM »
As a bro helping another bro hoping another bro helps me in the future, I'm sure nothing is going on.  You might've found a true gem who just has 100% faith in you and your relationship.  I've found like "nerdy" or "techy" guys generally fall into this category...

we men are straight forward...you ask us a question, we give you a solution.  We don't bother with the emotional process (who/what/why) we just go straight problem solving.  If he has 100% faith in you, then there is no problem = no need to talk = few grunts ..donezo!

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Offline Happiness

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Re: Relationships
« Reply #13 on: September 26, 2016, 03:54:25 PM »
Just keep in mind that the three most common motives for murder are: jealousy, revenge, and sex.

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Offline SoCal

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Re: Relationships
« Reply #14 on: September 26, 2016, 04:12:03 PM »
It also has a lot to do with the guy that's flirting with the partner.

What if you haven't seen the guy/s? Would you want to know more or just shrug it off.

This is just me, I'm pretty low-key and sounds like your SO is too.  I'd hate if I had to deal with that kind of drama whenever some guy flirted with my wife.

IMO, I only want to hear about it if you want me to do something about it (i,e, dumb-dumb isn't taking the hint and dropping it) or there's something creepy about it you need to make me aware in case the creepo didn't get the hint.  Or your a little creeped out and just need a sounding board to recenter but no looking for reaction out of me.

Otherwise, it feels like emotional fishing, and that's not good. IMO.


When I said, "Would you want to know more", I meant would the guy ask. It did not mean -- would you want her to bring it up and rub it in your face by telling you all about it. I was trying to say -- would there be a natural curiosity on his part or not, i.e. would he care enough to ask. Not sure what you mean by drama and emotional fishing unless you're referring to someone else or maybe it was just the way the question was worded.

 

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