The Secret to Building a Healthy Marriage
- Thread starter panda
- Start date
irvinehomeowner
Well-known member
I tend to be more charitable with my in-law family than my own family.
morekaos
Well-known member
16 years, dated for 4, so that's a total of 2 decades. Ups and downs, came close several times to total destruction but we are stronger than ever. I count us as certainly less than perfect but totally fortunate. After 2 decades you know each other pretty well and know what to steer into and what to stay wide of. We both feel blessed, humbled and incredibly grateful. Its a feeling we try to instil in our 2 kids, that they should be feel gratitude and not entitlement.
I think neither example is a test of your trust. Example 1 is a joke, if it was testing anything, it was a test of your sense of humor. Example 2 is a simple misunderstanding; I think Mr. meant "dent resistant" but you interpreted it to mean "dent proof." Nevertheless, you should never trust anyone completely, including your spouse or kids. Love does not mean blind trust because all humans have weaknesses. If someone says if you want a prenup that means you don't love me, find a new fianc?.
SoCal said:Question: How much do you guys trust your spouse?
I was thinking about this thread in the last few days. I've come to realize that although I'm a skeptical person by nature, I trust almost everything Mr. SoCal tells me. It's like there's no in-between. A jaded doubter when it comes to everyone else. Completely gullible when it comes to him. Don't get me wrong -- I can easily tell when he's lying. I always pick up on the slightest of facial expressions or inflections in his voice. He's often shocked when I can pick up on the tiniest clues he's lying. But, that's not often. He is the person I trust the most in this world. I think of him as being a genius and definitely smarter than me. Plus, he has earned my trust over many years. I do realize we should only put 100% of our faith in the Lord, not man. As humans, we are fallible. But if I sense he genuinely believes what he's saying, then I have little reason not to go with it.
Two examples:
1) Yesterday, I saw this picture on the internet -
I showed him. I said, "I didn't know starfish can walk like this!" He said, "Yep. They sure do. They will also crawl up your leg and hump it like a dog." I swore, "I am never going to the beach again!!!!" He burst out laughing and confessed it wasn't true. Got me.
2) The last time he got a new car, I asked him what the body molding is for. He told me it keeps things from denting your car. I asked what he meant. He gave an example. He said if a shopping cart were to hit the side of your car, it would hit the trim and the trim would repel it or something similar not in those exact words. The trim would keep it from hitting the door instead. I thought it was unbelievable and impossible that a shopping cart would just bounce off of a car door but since he said it, and I knew he knows his stuff, I figured it must be true. Well, the next time I went grocery shopping, I took his car. Can you see where this is headed? Good. Because I couldn't. As I was leaving the store with a cart full of groceries, I decided that I didn't need to be careful with the cart. I let it go and gave it a little push towards his car. I knew it might hit the side of the car but that it was okay because it would just bounce off. A woman was watching this happen and basically had her jaw on the floor. I just gave her a little smile and a "hello" and kept going. She was in total disbelief, wondering if I lost my mind. The cart sped up faster and faster and slammed hard into the side of Mr. SoCal's new vehicle. It tipped up and dented the door before coming to a halt. I drove home and immediately told him what happened. I told him he was wrong. He said that is NOT what he meant, NOT AT ALL. Well, sometimes that's what happens when you trust to a fault.
I started to wonder about this thread and if there are others like that who believe what their spouse tells them no matter what.Or are you skeptical.
SoCal said:
Your story reminds me of the story I heard about the person who was testing out his new "bullet proof vest" by putting on the vest and firing a 9mm point blank at himself. Predictably, the bullet went through the vest and through his abdomen. Manufacturers use the term "body armor" instead of "bullet proof" because such garments are designed to protect you from gunfire in certain circumstances but not in all circumstances. Nevertheless, some people still believe it is possible to become invincible by putting on a piece of clothing.
irvinehomeowner
Well-known member
I'm shaking my head at the shopping cart story... c'mon... you can at least see if where the cart will make contact aligns with the molding.
#logic
#logic
socal78
Well-known member
Happiness said:
One time, he was doing some electrical work on the house. I asked him to be careful so he wouldn't get hurt. He reminded me that he knows exactly what he's doing. (One of his degrees is in electrical engineering.) I left the room. I did some other things. Time passed. I went back into the room. He was busy working. He had wires out. He connected two of them. Suddenly, he began convulsing and making scary noises. I thought it must be a joke so I was like - yeah, right. He fell over. It kept going. I thought he was being electrocuted. I screamed his name. I had a lump in my throat and my heart was racing. Then he started laughing. It was a joke. His ideas of joking around are a little different than mine.
Another time, I was making dinner when I had to quickly go do something else. I was chopping fingerling potatoes. I asked him if he could keep chopping until I got back. I kind of doubted if he knew what to do since he never cooks. I keep my knives sharp, by the way. He assured me that he's got it covered. I left the room. Forgot about our conversation. I came back and heard a loud "whack". I turned around just in time to see a finger fly off the cutting board, hit the ground, and roll under the oven. He screamed, grabbed his hand, and dropped the knife. He was grimacing in pain. I screamed, too, and began searching for his severed finger. When I found it on the floor, I realized it was a finger...ling potato! He was laughing and happily kept chopping.
Maybe I don't have the same sense of humor other people do because these things do get my adrenaline going. For some reason, he seems to prefer pranks where the theme is him getting hurt. These are just a couple of them. I never get used to them.
irvinehomeowner
Well-known member
SoCal said:
So his story was true... in certain situations.
SoCal said:
You have no idea how many mechanical engineering degrees I work with who would screw up and oil change. I hope he's shutting off the power to the branch circuit when he's doing electrical work.
If my wife had that sort of sense of humor one of us would probably be sleeping on the couch.
panda
Well-known member
Thank you for the 30 TI members who posted the years they have been married. I really appreciate it.
It appears that many of you are still young parents who have been married between 6-8 years and have young kids just entering elementary school. Actually about a third of you are in that category.
Any TI members here open to sharing how they ended up meeting their spouse? How many years did you date before getting married?
It appears that many of you are still young parents who have been married between 6-8 years and have young kids just entering elementary school. Actually about a third of you are in that category.
Any TI members here open to sharing how they ended up meeting their spouse? How many years did you date before getting married?
B2FiNiTY
Active member
@happiness I think your husband and I would get along great. I do the same thing to my wife all the time and it never gets old. At least for me hahah. She says the same thing, one day you will cry wolf and you will regret it. But until that day, I will continue laughing all the way.
Ready2Downsize
Well-known member
B2FiNiTY said:
Met my hubby in high school. Dated for 6 years. Got married before many on TI were born. By today's standards, I was just a baby getting married "so young" but at the time I thought I was pretty darn old.
B2FiNiTY
Active member
I guess you can say I'm just a curious cat. I tend to notice things in the backgrounds of movies, flaws in the paint of a car, unaligned edges in furniture, etc etc. This leads to me looking around, organizing, and cleaning when I have nothing else to do.
So to update, it turns out my mother in law did not make a big deal out of it, they only had a cold war for a day and a half until my father in law broke the news. My mother in law just made a joke out of it and we all laughed it off. All is forgotten. Hopefully.....
I just now hope my father in law doesn't have a secret grudge against me because of this. Our back up plans was so secretly supply him with cash if he needed to give some to his family. But that obviously is just a bandaid solution and trust issues will still linger in the long term.
So to update, it turns out my mother in law did not make a big deal out of it, they only had a cold war for a day and a half until my father in law broke the news. My mother in law just made a joke out of it and we all laughed it off. All is forgotten. Hopefully.....
I just now hope my father in law doesn't have a secret grudge against me because of this. Our back up plans was so secretly supply him with cash if he needed to give some to his family. But that obviously is just a bandaid solution and trust issues will still linger in the long term.
socal78
Well-known member
But what if B2Finity's MIL found out 10 years from now that B2Finity knew all along and kept her in the dark? Essentially acting in collusion with his FIL to deceive her. Then she could have been SUPER pissed. There are no guarantees! Can't win. Your MIL will always be able to find fault in you, no matter what.