Former Chuck Norris Estate
- Thread starter acpme_IHB
- Start date
qwerty_IHB
New member
- Chuck Norris' tears cure cancer. Too bad he has never cried.
- Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.
- Chuck Norris has counted to infinity. Twice.
- There is no theory of evolution, just a list of creatures Chuck Norris allows to live.
- Chuck Norris is the only man to ever defeat a brick wall in a game of tennis.
- The quickest way to a man's heart is with Chuck Norris' fist.
- Chuck Norris is not hung like a horse.. horses are hung like Chuck Norris.
- When Chuck Norris goes to donate blood, he declines the syringe, and instead requests a hand gun and a bucket.
- Chuck Norris doesn't actually write books, the words assemble themselves out of fear.
- Chuck Norris CAN believe it's not butter.
- Chuck Norris doesn't shave; he kicks himself in the face. The only thing that can cut Chuck Norris is Chuck Norris.
- On his birthday, Chuck Norris randomly selects one lucky child to be thrown into the sun.
- Chuck Norris ordered a Big Mac at Burger King, and got one.
- Chuck Norris can slam a revolving door.
- Little known medical fact: Chuck Norris invented the Caesarean section when he roundhouse-kicked his way out of his mother's womb.
- Chuck Norris can divide by zero.
- Chuck Norris uses ribbed condoms inside out, so he gets the pleasure.
- Chuck Norris doesn't believe in God. God believes in Chuck Norris.
- Chuck Norris is the reason why Waldo is hiding.
- A Handicapped parking sign does not signify that this spot is for handicapped people. It is in fact a warning, that the spot belongs to Chuck Norris and that you will be handicapped if you park there.
-Chuck Norris lost his virginity before his dad did.
-Chuck Norris doesn't read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.
-Filming on location for Walker: Texas Ranger, Chuck Norris brought a stillborn baby lamb back to life by giving it a prolonged beard rub. Shortly after the farm animal sprang back to life and a crowd had gathered, Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked the animal, breaking its neck, to remind the crew once more that Chuck giveth, and the good Chuck, he taketh away.
-The original theme song to the Transformers was actually "Chuck Norris--more than meets the eye, Chuck Norris--robot in disguise," and starred Chuck Norris as a Texas Ranger who defended the earth from drug-dealing Decepticons and could turn into a pick-up. This was far too much awesome for a single show, however, so it was divided.
-Chuck Norris recently had the idea to sell his urine as a canned beverage. We know this beverage as Red Bull.
-The opening scene of the movie "Saving Private Ryan" is loosely based on games of dodgeball Chuck Norris played in second grade.
-When Chuck Norris falls in water, Chuck Norris doesn't get wet. Water gets Chuck Norrised.
- Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.
- Chuck Norris has counted to infinity. Twice.
- There is no theory of evolution, just a list of creatures Chuck Norris allows to live.
- Chuck Norris is the only man to ever defeat a brick wall in a game of tennis.
- The quickest way to a man's heart is with Chuck Norris' fist.
- Chuck Norris is not hung like a horse.. horses are hung like Chuck Norris.
- When Chuck Norris goes to donate blood, he declines the syringe, and instead requests a hand gun and a bucket.
- Chuck Norris doesn't actually write books, the words assemble themselves out of fear.
- Chuck Norris CAN believe it's not butter.
- Chuck Norris doesn't shave; he kicks himself in the face. The only thing that can cut Chuck Norris is Chuck Norris.
- On his birthday, Chuck Norris randomly selects one lucky child to be thrown into the sun.
- Chuck Norris ordered a Big Mac at Burger King, and got one.
- Chuck Norris can slam a revolving door.
- Little known medical fact: Chuck Norris invented the Caesarean section when he roundhouse-kicked his way out of his mother's womb.
- Chuck Norris can divide by zero.
- Chuck Norris uses ribbed condoms inside out, so he gets the pleasure.
- Chuck Norris doesn't believe in God. God believes in Chuck Norris.
- Chuck Norris is the reason why Waldo is hiding.
- A Handicapped parking sign does not signify that this spot is for handicapped people. It is in fact a warning, that the spot belongs to Chuck Norris and that you will be handicapped if you park there.
-Chuck Norris lost his virginity before his dad did.
-Chuck Norris doesn't read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.
-Filming on location for Walker: Texas Ranger, Chuck Norris brought a stillborn baby lamb back to life by giving it a prolonged beard rub. Shortly after the farm animal sprang back to life and a crowd had gathered, Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked the animal, breaking its neck, to remind the crew once more that Chuck giveth, and the good Chuck, he taketh away.
-The original theme song to the Transformers was actually "Chuck Norris--more than meets the eye, Chuck Norris--robot in disguise," and starred Chuck Norris as a Texas Ranger who defended the earth from drug-dealing Decepticons and could turn into a pick-up. This was far too much awesome for a single show, however, so it was divided.
-Chuck Norris recently had the idea to sell his urine as a canned beverage. We know this beverage as Red Bull.
-The opening scene of the movie "Saving Private Ryan" is loosely based on games of dodgeball Chuck Norris played in second grade.
-When Chuck Norris falls in water, Chuck Norris doesn't get wet. Water gets Chuck Norrised.
effenheimer_IHB
New member
<p>Chuck Norris TP.</p>
<p><img alt="" src="http://digilander.libero.it/macs_73/chuck_norris_toilet_paper.jpg" /></p>
<p><img alt="" src="http://digilander.libero.it/macs_73/chuck_norris_toilet_paper.jpg" /></p>
profette_IHB
New member
OMG! Eff, I just spit out my Pepsi!
profette_IHB
New member
<img alt="Savage Chickens - Chuck Norris" src="http://www.savagechickens.com/images/chickennorris.jpg" />
Trooper_IHB
New member
<p>If you have five dollars and Chuck Norris has five dollars, Chuck Norris has more money than you.</p>
<p>There is no 'ctrl' button on Chuck Norris' computer. Chuck Norris is always in control.</p>
<p>Apple pays Chuck Norris 99 cents every time he listens to a song.</p>
<p>Chuck Norris can sneeze with his eyes open.</p>
<p>Chuck Norris can eat just one Lay's potato chip.</p>
<p>Chuck Norris can kill two stones with one bird.</p>
<p>There is no 'ctrl' button on Chuck Norris' computer. Chuck Norris is always in control.</p>
<p>Apple pays Chuck Norris 99 cents every time he listens to a song.</p>
<p>Chuck Norris can sneeze with his eyes open.</p>
<p>Chuck Norris can eat just one Lay's potato chip.</p>
<p>Chuck Norris can kill two stones with one bird.</p>
profette_IHB
New member
<img alt="" src="http://rds.yahoo.com/_ylt=A0S0201XAodHlDsAmjijzbkF/SIG=12ejtefb9/EXP=1200116695/**http%3A//www.marcuswestberg.com/wp-images/chuck-einstein.jpg" />
profette_IHB
New member
<img alt="" src="http://rds.yahoo.com/_ylt=A0S020u4AodHXI0AhjOjzbkF/SIG=12shicakm/EXP=1200116792/**http%3A//interprep.com/images/misc/our-chicken-kicks-like-chuck-norris.jpg" />
Trooper_IHB
New member
<a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dIgey9NLdhk&feature=related">YouTube - mountain dew chuck norris commercial</a>
xsocal land merchant_IHB
New member
<p>I guess I shouldn't even mention the "Duke" aka John Wayne here. He is without doubt the greatest American hero.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Duck-----Incoming!!!!!</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Enjoy</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Duck-----Incoming!!!!!</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Enjoy</p>
Trooper_IHB
New member
<a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JLO1YIWQuXE&feature=related">YouTube - bruce lee x chuck norris</a>
Major Schadenfreude_IHB
New member
Why were they fighting in the Roman Colliseum? Was it over that cat?
myfirsthome_IHB
New member
When Chuck Norris does a push-up, he's not pushing himself up, he's pushing the Earth down.
Trooper_IHB
New member
Even though that scares the crap out of me.....good one Nude.