Entertaining listing descriptions

Mcdonna1980_IHB

Mcdonna1980_IHB

New member
<a href="http://www.redfin.com/CA/Ladera-Ranch/8-Portalon-Ct-92694/home/7205112">I got such a good laugh from this listing's description, I had to share.</a>

NOT A SHORT SALE, <strong>INVESTOR OWNED </strong> <em>(new term for bank?)</em> FORECLOSURE, INCREDIBLE OPPORTUNITY!! This home is Priced 250K under current comp sales & active listings. It is located in the sought after, gated community of Covenant Hills. The living room features a cozy fireplace. The gourmet kitchen has, stainless steel appliances, breakfast bar, central island, gas range, and granite counters. There is a large master suite w/ walk-in closet downstairs. <strong>The third level princess suite</strong>(<em>maybe this where the damsel in debt awaits her loan modification knight)</em>wants for has fantastic views & on a clear day you can see the ocean. There is a casita w/ bath which if used as a <strong>home office can be written off on your taxes</strong>. <em>(who ever buys this should ask the realtor to sign off on that return)</em>There are high ceilings, lots of canned lights, double hung windows, stylish doors, custom built in cabinets, & a very private large oversized lot. Great location that is close to schools, shopping, and Ladera Ranch's water park & skate park. IF YOU'VE BEEN WAITING FOR A STEAL, STOP LOOKING THIS IS THE ONE! ASSET MANAGER CAN RESPOND TO OFFERS WITHIN 48 HOURS
 
What can I say... this is the first novel of a description I've sceen. The family pics are definitely odd. But I will give him credit because the picture is what caught my attention.

<img src="http://media.cdn-redfin.com/photo/71/bigphoto/215/64674215_0.jpg" alt="" />



3 bedroom, 2.5 bath gorgeously appointed Ladera Ranch Townhome; Built by Standard Pacific Homes in 2005; 2035 square feet of living space per builderBrick & Flagstone accented extended front porch leads you into living room with hand scraped Lapacho Walnut hard wood floors, gas fireplace & mantle framed by built-in book cases & storage, cozy window seat & recessed lighting; Conveniently located downstairs powder room; Family room or den includes window seat & picture windows to dining area; Dining area with built-in china cabinet including wine & glass storage; Kitchen includes granite countertops, decorative multi-colored slate, glass & chrome tile backsplash, multi-color slate floors in Versaille pattern, dishwasher, built-in gas stove & oven, built-in microwave, center island with storage & breakfast counter, walk-in pantry, recessed & under cabinet lighting; Large master bedroom features three windows, recessed lighting & crown molding; Master bath includes two sinks, granite countertop, limestone tile floors, large oval tub, separate shower with glass enclosure & walk-in closet; Built-in computer desk at top of stairs with storage; Guest bedroom with closet could be den; Bedroom 2 includes walk-in closet, decorative chair rail & ceiling fan; Upstairs full guest bath with limestone tile floors, tub, shower & two sinks Interior upstairs laundry room; Separate linen storage; Crown molding & 5? baseboards, custom interior paint, recessed lighting, two inch blinds and roman shades throughout;



What the Owner Loves: Central air & forced air heat; Association dues $165 per month include common area maintenance, skate park, sport & tennis courts, water park, parks, clubhouses & swimming pools; $216 per month Mello Roos Two car attached finished garage with direct access, pro-installed roof racking storage & opener Hard to find end unit corner location with ample guest parking close to golf, churches, theaters, parks, schools & shopping. Buyer to pay Ladera Ranch Lifestyle Enhancement fee of .25 of 1% of sales price Notes from owner: Perfect floor plan... Every Room is Usable...Nothing is wasted. The Upgraded features are usable and a Blessing. No Money was wasted. Paint colors are modern , but Vibrant. Green, Plum, Yellow...Not the standard Beige , or Trendy Chocolate & Blue Vibe! The Neighbors are quiet and Educated! The Front porch is clean, hip and usable! The built-in wine rack & China Cabinet is a space saver! The Master bath is open, lighted, and easy to share with 2 or even 3 people! Clean neighborhood. Diverse cultures...and Lots of educated people! No thumping, annoying music. Super close (250 yards) to childrens Waterpark, and Skatepark! PLUS another Big park & pool within 5 minutes walk. Guest parking is right outside! I like to surf and it is a quick drive to the beach! 15 minutes to Doheny Beach in Dana Point. 20 Minutes to Salt Creek Beach in Dana Point, CA. 20 minutes to San Clemente beaches.

<a href="http://www.redfin.com/CA/Mission-Viejo/24-Passaflora-Ln-92694/home/5977948">Is this even for real?</a>
 
[quote author="Mcdonna1980" date=1239874230]What can I say... this is the first novel of a description I've sceen. The family pics are definitely odd. But I will give him credit because the picture is what caught my attention.

<img src="http://media.cdn-redfin.com/photo/71/bigphoto/215/64674215_0.jpg" alt="" />



3 bedroom, 2.5 bath gorgeously appointed Ladera Ranch Townhome; Built by Standard Pacific Homes in 2005; 2035 square feet of living space per builderBrick & Flagstone accented extended front porch leads you into living room with hand scraped Lapacho Walnut hard wood floors, gas fireplace & mantle framed by built-in book cases & storage, cozy window seat & recessed lighting; Conveniently located downstairs powder room; Family room or den includes window seat & picture windows to dining area; Dining area with built-in china cabinet including wine & glass storage; Kitchen includes granite countertops, decorative multi-colored slate, glass & chrome tile backsplash, multi-color slate floors in Versaille pattern, dishwasher, built-in gas stove & oven, built-in microwave, center island with storage & breakfast counter, walk-in pantry, recessed & under cabinet lighting; Large master bedroom features three windows, recessed lighting & crown molding; Master bath includes two sinks, granite countertop, limestone tile floors, large oval tub, separate shower with glass enclosure & walk-in closet; Built-in computer desk at top of stairs with storage; Guest bedroom with closet could be den; Bedroom 2 includes walk-in closet, decorative chair rail & ceiling fan; Upstairs full guest bath with limestone tile floors, tub, shower & two sinks Interior upstairs laundry room; Separate linen storage; Crown molding & 5? baseboards, custom interior paint, recessed lighting, two inch blinds and roman shades throughout;



What the Owner Loves: Central air & forced air heat; Association dues $165 per month include common area maintenance, skate park, sport & tennis courts, water park, parks, clubhouses & swimming pools; $216 per month Mello Roos Two car attached finished garage with direct access, pro-installed roof racking storage & opener Hard to find end unit corner location with ample guest parking close to golf, churches, theaters, parks, schools & shopping. Buyer to pay Ladera Ranch Lifestyle Enhancement fee of .25 of 1% of sales price Notes from owner: Perfect floor plan... Every Room is Usable...Nothing is wasted. The Upgraded features are usable and a Blessing. No Money was wasted. Paint colors are modern , but Vibrant. Green, Plum, Yellow...Not the standard Beige , or Trendy Chocolate & Blue Vibe! The Neighbors are quiet and Educated! The Front porch is clean, hip and usable! The built-in wine rack & China Cabinet is a space saver! The Master bath is open, lighted, and easy to share with 2 or even 3 people! Clean neighborhood. Diverse cultures...and Lots of educated people! No thumping, annoying music. Super close (250 yards) to childrens Waterpark, and Skatepark! PLUS another Big park & pool within 5 minutes walk. Guest parking is right outside! I like to surf and it is a quick drive to the beach! 15 minutes to Doheny Beach in Dana Point. 20 Minutes to Salt Creek Beach in Dana Point, CA. 20 minutes to San Clemente beaches.

<a href="http://www.redfin.com/CA/Mission-Viejo/24-Passaflora-Ln-92694/home/5977948">Is this even for real?</a></blockquote>
It's the listing with that "personal" touch. I wonder if I would have sold my condo for a higher price if I would have included some family pictures in my listing pix, hmmmm. haha
 
[quote author="usctrojanman29" date=1239880444]It's the listing with that "personal" touch. I wonder if I would have sold my condo for a higher price if I would have included some family pictures in my listing pix, hmmmm. haha</blockquote>


People picked on you enough with the pics you had...I can't imagine what it would have been!
 
[quote author="usctrojanman29" date=1239880444][quote author="Mcdonna1980" date=1239874230]What can I say... this is the first novel of a description I've sceen. The family pics are definitely odd. But I will give him credit because the picture is what caught my attention.

<img src="http://media.cdn-redfin.com/photo/71/bigphoto/215/64674215_0.jpg" alt="" />



3 bedroom, 2.5 bath gorgeously appointed Ladera Ranch Townhome; Built by Standard Pacific Homes in 2005; 2035 square feet of living space per builderBrick & Flagstone accented extended front porch leads you into living room with hand scraped Lapacho Walnut hard wood floors, gas fireplace & mantle framed by built-in book cases & storage, cozy window seat & recessed lighting; Conveniently located downstairs powder room; Family room or den includes window seat & picture windows to dining area; Dining area with built-in china cabinet including wine & glass storage; Kitchen includes granite countertops, decorative multi-colored slate, glass & chrome tile backsplash, multi-color slate floors in Versaille pattern, dishwasher, built-in gas stove & oven, built-in microwave, center island with storage & breakfast counter, walk-in pantry, recessed & under cabinet lighting; Large master bedroom features three windows, recessed lighting & crown molding; Master bath includes two sinks, granite countertop, limestone tile floors, large oval tub, separate shower with glass enclosure & walk-in closet; Built-in computer desk at top of stairs with storage; Guest bedroom with closet could be den; Bedroom 2 includes walk-in closet, decorative chair rail & ceiling fan; Upstairs full guest bath with limestone tile floors, tub, shower & two sinks Interior upstairs laundry room; Separate linen storage; Crown molding & 5? baseboards, custom interior paint, recessed lighting, two inch blinds and roman shades throughout;



What the Owner Loves: Central air & forced air heat; Association dues $165 per month include common area maintenance, skate park, sport & tennis courts, water park, parks, clubhouses & swimming pools; $216 per month Mello Roos Two car attached finished garage with direct access, pro-installed roof racking storage & opener Hard to find end unit corner location with ample guest parking close to golf, churches, theaters, parks, schools & shopping. Buyer to pay Ladera Ranch Lifestyle Enhancement fee of .25 of 1% of sales price Notes from owner: Perfect floor plan... Every Room is Usable...Nothing is wasted. The Upgraded features are usable and a Blessing. No Money was wasted. Paint colors are modern , but Vibrant. Green, Plum, Yellow...Not the standard Beige , or Trendy Chocolate & Blue Vibe! The Neighbors are quiet and Educated! The Front porch is clean, hip and usable! The built-in wine rack & China Cabinet is a space saver! The Master bath is open, lighted, and easy to share with 2 or even 3 people! Clean neighborhood. Diverse cultures...and Lots of educated people! No thumping, annoying music. Super close (250 yards) to childrens Waterpark, and Skatepark! PLUS another Big park & pool within 5 minutes walk. Guest parking is right outside! I like to surf and it is a quick drive to the beach! 15 minutes to Doheny Beach in Dana Point. 20 Minutes to Salt Creek Beach in Dana Point, CA. 20 minutes to San Clemente beaches.

<a href="http://www.redfin.com/CA/Mission-Viejo/24-Passaflora-Ln-92694/home/5977948">Is this even for real?</a></blockquote>
It's the listing with that "personal" touch. I wonder if I would have sold my condo for a higher price if I would have included some family pictures in my listing pix, hmmmm. haha</blockquote>


This is very bizarre. No pictures of the outside of the home but several of the kid? The realtor (who I assume is the owner??) mentions TWICE that the the neighbors are 'educated'. What the heck?
 
[quote author="SoOCOwner" date=1239928827]

This is very bizarre. No pictures of the outside of the home but several of the kid? The realtor (who I assume is the owner??) mentions TWICE that the the neighbors are 'educated'. What the heck?</blockquote>


Is that code for "white"? Sounds like it.
 
[quote author="Roo" date=1239923712][quote author="usctrojanman29" date=1239880444]It's the listing with that "personal" touch. I wonder if I would have sold my condo for a higher price if I would have included some family pictures in my listing pix, hmmmm. haha</blockquote>


People picked on you enough with the pics you had...I can't imagine what it would have been!</blockquote>
I opened myself up for that one. haha
 
[quote author="SoOCOwner" date=1239928827][quote author="usctrojanman29" date=1239880444][quote author="Mcdonna1980" date=1239874230]What can I say... this is the first novel of a description I've sceen. The family pics are definitely odd. But I will give him credit because the picture is what caught my attention.

<img src="http://media.cdn-redfin.com/photo/71/bigphoto/215/64674215_0.jpg" alt="" />



3 bedroom, 2.5 bath gorgeously appointed Ladera Ranch Townhome; Built by Standard Pacific Homes in 2005; 2035 square feet of living space per builderBrick & Flagstone accented extended front porch leads you into living room with hand scraped Lapacho Walnut hard wood floors, gas fireplace & mantle framed by built-in book cases & storage, cozy window seat & recessed lighting; Conveniently located downstairs powder room; Family room or den includes window seat & picture windows to dining area; Dining area with built-in china cabinet including wine & glass storage; Kitchen includes granite countertops, decorative multi-colored slate, glass & chrome tile backsplash, multi-color slate floors in Versaille pattern, dishwasher, built-in gas stove & oven, built-in microwave, center island with storage & breakfast counter, walk-in pantry, recessed & under cabinet lighting; Large master bedroom features three windows, recessed lighting & crown molding; Master bath includes two sinks, granite countertop, limestone tile floors, large oval tub, separate shower with glass enclosure & walk-in closet; Built-in computer desk at top of stairs with storage; Guest bedroom with closet could be den; Bedroom 2 includes walk-in closet, decorative chair rail & ceiling fan; Upstairs full guest bath with limestone tile floors, tub, shower & two sinks Interior upstairs laundry room; Separate linen storage; Crown molding & 5? baseboards, custom interior paint, recessed lighting, two inch blinds and roman shades throughout;



What the Owner Loves: Central air & forced air heat; Association dues $165 per month include common area maintenance, skate park, sport & tennis courts, water park, parks, clubhouses & swimming pools; $216 per month Mello Roos Two car attached finished garage with direct access, pro-installed roof racking storage & opener Hard to find end unit corner location with ample guest parking close to golf, churches, theaters, parks, schools & shopping. Buyer to pay Ladera Ranch Lifestyle Enhancement fee of .25 of 1% of sales price Notes from owner: Perfect floor plan... Every Room is Usable...Nothing is wasted. The Upgraded features are usable and a Blessing. No Money was wasted. Paint colors are modern , but Vibrant. Green, Plum, Yellow...Not the standard Beige , or Trendy Chocolate & Blue Vibe! The Neighbors are quiet and Educated! The Front porch is clean, hip and usable! The built-in wine rack & China Cabinet is a space saver! The Master bath is open, lighted, and easy to share with 2 or even 3 people! Clean neighborhood. Diverse cultures...and Lots of educated people! No thumping, annoying music. Super close (250 yards) to childrens Waterpark, and Skatepark! PLUS another Big park & pool within 5 minutes walk. Guest parking is right outside! I like to surf and it is a quick drive to the beach! 15 minutes to Doheny Beach in Dana Point. 20 Minutes to Salt Creek Beach in Dana Point, CA. 20 minutes to San Clemente beaches.

<a href="http://www.redfin.com/CA/Mission-Viejo/24-Passaflora-Ln-92694/home/5977948">Is this even for real?</a></blockquote>
It's the listing with that "personal" touch. I wonder if I would have sold my condo for a higher price if I would have included some family pictures in my listing pix, hmmmm. haha</blockquote>


This is very bizarre. No pictures of the outside of the home but several of the kid? The realtor (who I assume is the owner??) mentions TWICE that the the neighbors are 'educated'. What the heck?</blockquote>


anyone have any other info on this house? Price seems really good. I saw that he bought the house for 561K. Is he just trying to start a bidding war by setting the price so low?
 
<a href="http://www.redfin.com/CA/Coto-De-Caza/5-Heatherwood-92679/home/5058711">Perhaps *** even more *** annoying that all CAPS</a>



<em>"Luxury Executive home in Coto de Caza***Located on a single loaded street***Totally upgraded****Remodeled Kitchen***walk in pantry***baths****Built ins throughout*****Entertaining back yard with huge pool/spa overlooking the Coto de Caza Valley****firepit****built in BBQ with large bar area****Great opportunity*****These don't come on the market often****Master bedroom with large balcony area***Fireplace in master*** Bonus room with built ins and fireplace***Fabulous views from back yard and deck off of master bedroom*****downstairs den or bedroom***Large lot!!!!!Hundreds of thousands in ugrades!!!!VIEW........."</em>



They aren't even consistent with how many asterisks. 3, 4, 5.... also "***baths****" - really for almost 900k I think that is a given. Nice that they did save all the exclamation marks and caps for the end. It shows restraint!!!......
 
"Downtown also has buses/tramps that operate regularly and will save you the hassle of traffic bottlenecks during rush hour."



Nothing like tramps that operate regularly to make the rush hour go better.



I am also looking for the original ad, but I saw an overabbreviated one "woodburning dishwasher". I like that smoky flavor on my food.
 
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