Counseling

R

roundcorners_IHB

New member
I?ll be the first to tell friends/acquaintances that my wife and I have had professional marital counseling. We are not ashamed; my wife and I had about two years worth of weekly sessions. First with a license clinical social worker who specialized in family systems theory and then with a licensed clinical psychologist. It was important that both were Christian as we wanted not only wise counsel but ones that also have similar beliefs, values and faith.



The sessions ran about $120/week a couple of years ago; so I guess the going rate would be around $140 these days; for about 45 minutes. Of all the things we could have bought or invest in the first two years of our marriage, we choose to invest in getting our marriage healthy. Although I have to say, it wasn?t by choice we saw a counselor; it was purely out of survival and necessity.



Without going into a lot of details of why we went to counseling; let?s just say that both of us came from broken/blended families. Our emotional baggage was full of junk we?ve been carrying around all of our lives. We came into marriage as broken, emotionally fragmented people who had poor cooping mechanisms and poor conflict resolution skills.



This week my wife started port-partum counseling, she felt that she needed a little more support with the changes the baby brings. We been utterly exhausted with the baby these past few weeks; and things are not getting easier. I?m still glad to have good guys around and last night the wife and I had a needed break and nice dinner out. It?s been a tough week for us, and our marriage is holding up for now to the pressures of parenthood; but I can see how other couples strain to the new demands. We are definitely considered getting a brush up course in counseling, since we?ve been short and hot tempered with each other?s attitudes lately. I don?t want to start the slide down the slippery slope of distancing myself emotionally. What are you thoughts and experiences of counseling?
 
if my wife would give me $120/wk i would agree to stop hogging the blanket at night. problems solved.



seriously though, one of our good couple friends told us they did counseling and we were really surprised. it wasn't so much that they had problems, which is why we were surprised. they just felt it was good to set aside time to always be working on their relationship. they were surprised to find themselves more comfortable and forthright with a third party than their own spouse. also the counselor was able to ask questions they weren't willing to ask themselves or would never have considered on their own.
 
My wife and I went to therapy as individuals before we dated, went as a couple before we got married, and went as a couple after we got married. My wife is now in school to become a therapist. So, yeah, we are all for it and recommend it. When I first went, I needed help in basically figuring out how to grow up. When we went as a couple, it greatly helped our communication. Now, after 14 years of marriage, we rarely have fights that last longer than a few minutes.



Note that there are bad therapists out there, just like in any other profession. If you go and don't like the therapist, try someone else. Find someone that has a great deal of empathy and that has lived life a lot.
 
My wife and i attended counseling for the 1st year of marriage. As some of you know, my wife is hearing impaired, she has been since she was 6 months old. Her entire method of communication has been altered from what 99% of the people in this world. Hearing and listening are two COMPLETELY different things. We both had to learn the hard way of what each other was saying. That was AFTER 6! years of dating. We will need tuneups from time to time....



We still love each other after 9 years of being with each other. We attended the church counseling also, but our situtation was unique and required a bit of professional help. Anyways good luck.



-bix
 
What marriage is perfect? Humans are involved, so it has gotta be screwed up.

The first year was kinda rough.

The baby years without sleep are horrible.

My wife is extremely tolerant and kind. Wouldn't she have to be?

For me marriage is a constant struggle/reminder to put my wives wants before my own. It is humbling to be such a constant failure at something.
 
I went through about 18 months of intense counseling when I turned 30 (cause and effect?) It left me in a very peaceful and well-balanced state-of-mind. Besides gaining insight into myself and clearing out a great deal of emotional baggage, I learned much about responsibility, establishing and maintaining personal boundaries, and releasing the need to control others. Those skills have helped me in all of my relationships, particularly the one with my wife. If I had not gone through all of that before I got married, I may not have picked a good spouse, and I probably would not have behaved as well in the relationship (if my past was any indicator). I am certainly not perfect now, but I have a great relationship with my wife, and after 9 years of marriage, we are closer now than we have ever been (except when she pisses me off....)
 
Advice:



1) The first time your spouse suggests counselling in an effort to improve the marriage, be open to the idea. Do not immediately say you don't need it. If your spouse thinks the marriage needs it, it does. Consider that your wake-up call.

2) In subsequent times your spouse brings up the idea, do not let the following words leave your mouth: "well, I guess even a car needs a tune-up every once in a while." Denial will do you no good.

3) Do not wait until it is too late to seek help from others.
 
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