The Heart of Parenting

[panda]

Here are some excellent books related to Parenting and Raising Children. In 2016, I am looking to diversify my readings a bit outside of just finance, economics, and business books that seems to dominate the type of books I read.  If you have other good parenting book recommendations, please feel free to share.

Book Recommendations for Parenting

1. Raising an emotionally intelligent Child - The heart of Parenting
Author: John Gottman Phd

2. The Whole-Brain Child -
Author: Daniel J. Siegel, MD

3. How to talk so kids will listen & Listen so Kids will Talk
Author: Adele Faber & Elaine Mazlish

4. The 5 Love Languages of Children
Author: Gary Chapman.

5. Bringing Up Boys
Author: Dr. James C Dobson

6. Bringing Up Girls: Practical Advice and Encouragement for Those Shaping the Next Generation of Women
Author: James C Dobson

7. How to Raise an Adult: Break Free of the Overparenting Trap & Prepare your Kid for Success by Julie Lythcott-Haims

8. The Price of Privilege by Madeline Levine

9. How to Raise An Amazing Child the Montessori Way by Tim Seldin

 

[bones]

I don't read read a lot of parenting books but do a good skim:

I've read/skimmed #2 and #3. Both good.

Also read/skimmed how children succeed by Paul tough. And happy kid handbook by Katie Hurley.  Would recommend both.

 

[irvinehomeowner]

Some recs:

Grace-based Parenting - Tim Kimmel

Give Them Grace - Elyse Fitzpatrick

 

[socal78]

After the 10 year anniversary point, couple of my good friends are currently going through a challenging time in this area and I've been trying to counsel them as we talk on the phone on a regular basis.

I think that's really interesting that your friends start to find it challenging after 10 years. Imo, the first year is the most challenging because it's a huge adjustment. After that, the road is smoother as it gets easier with experience. But that's just my experience of being married for a long time.

 

[WTTCHMN]

After the 10 year anniversary point, couple of my good friends are currently going through a challenging time in this area and I've been trying to counsel them as we talk on the phone on a regular basis.

I think that's really interesting that your friends start to find it challenging after 10 years. Imo, the first year is the most challenging because it's a huge adjustment. After that, the road is smoother as it gets easier with experience. But that's just my experience of being married for a long time.

Isn't it 10 years when the spouse qualifies for half of everything?  Or is that when the husband reveals a secret bombshell?

 

[qwerty]

Marriage over 10 years qualifies for lifetime alimony.

You don't need to read any books. Best marriage advice is from Chris Rock: "the sex better be damn good because at some point you are going to run out of shit to talk about"

 

[Happiness]

If one spouse is not providing intimacy to the other spouse, is it ok for the other spouse to seek intimacy from a third party?

 

[eyephone]

You don't need to read any books.

True that.

 

[qwerty]

If one spouse is not providing intimacy to the other spouse, is it ok for the other spouse to seek intimacy from a third party?

YES

 

[panda]

The key to successful parenting is not found in complex theories, elaborate family rules, or convoluted formulas  for behavior. It is based on your deepest feelings of love and affection for your child, and is demonstrated simply through empathy and understanding. Good parenting begins at the heart, and the continues on a moment-moment basis by engaging your children when feelings run high, when they are sad, angry, or scared.

 

[Perspective]

After the 10 year anniversary point, couple of my good friends are currently going through a challenging time in this area and I've been trying to counsel them as we talk on the phone on a regular basis.

I think that's really interesting that your friends start to find it challenging after 10 years. Imo, the first year is the most challenging because it's a huge adjustment. After that, the road is smoother as it gets easier with experience. But that's just my experience of being married for a long time.

Isn't it 10 years when the spouse qualifies for half of everything?  Or is that when the husband reveals a secret bombshell?

No. CA is a community property state. From the moment you're married, ever dollar earned is community property. e.g. If you owned $1M in assets prior to marriage, and never commingled this, regardless of the length of marriage, this remains separate property.

 

[bitmaster20]

The key to successful parenting is not found in complex theories, elaborate family rules, or convoluted formulas  for behavior. It is based on your deepest feelings of love and affection for your child, and is demonstrated simply through empathy and understanding. Good parenting begins at the heart, and the continues on a moment-moment basis by engaging your children when feelings run high, when they are sad, angry, or scared.

That's one part of good parenting, being a loving and caring parent who's willing to sacrifice their own comfort.

The parent is also responsible for making wise choices for their kids. Living in a city like Irvine will afford you many choices. The marketing machine is in full swing in places where people have money to spend. As a parent you need to be well grounded in what your vision (besides education) is for your kids , and then you have some sense of reference when you faced with decisions about how to spend your and the kids time.

 

[panda]

Thanks for your post bitmaster20,

I am still fairly a young father raising twin boys who just turned 6. I am nowhere near a expert when it comes to parenting and just learning like many of you here. There are many times when my wife and I wonder if we are doing the right things as parents. We do know that the most important asset we can give to our boys is unconditional love and affirmation.

I think it would be great if some of the older parents would share what has worked well for them in raising their children. One of the things that my wife did when our twins were between the ages of 4-5 is a marble reward system. She bought two jars with each of our boys' names on it and each time they did something good, she would reward them by adding a marble in the jar. If they did something bad, she would take away a marble from the jar.

Once they accumulated a certain amount of marbles, my wife would exchange "X" amount of marbles for a dollar bill and take them to the local dollar store and allow each of them to purchase two items. Our boys would feel proud that they earned what they had bought. She would also let them pay the cashier with the dollar bills that they have earned. 

 

The key to successful parenting is not found in complex theories, elaborate family rules, or convoluted formulas  for behavior. It is based on your deepest feelings of love and affection for your child, and is demonstrated simply through empathy and understanding. Good parenting begins at the heart, and the continues on a moment-moment basis by engaging your children when feelings run high, when they are sad, angry, or scared.

That's one part of good parenting, being a loving and caring parent who's willing to sacrifice their own comfort.

The parent is also responsible for making wise choices for their kids. Living in a city like Irvine will afford you many choices. The marketing machine is in full swing in places where people have money to spend. As a parent you need to be well grounded in what your vision (besides education) is for your kids , and then you have some sense of reference when you faced with decisions about how to spend your and the kids time.

 

[panda]

 

[Paris167]

Thanks for your post bitmaster20,

I am still fairly a young father raising twin boys who just turned 6. I am nowhere near a expert when it comes to parenting and just learning like many of you here. There are many times when my wife and I wonder if we are doing the right things as parents. We do know that the most important asset we can give to our boys is unconditional love and affirmation.

I think it would be great if some of the older parents would share what has worked well for them in raising their children. One of the things that my wife did when our twins were between the ages of 4-5 is a marble reward system. She bought two jars with each of our boys' names on it and each time they did something good, she would reward them by adding a marble in the jar. If they did something bad, she would take away a marble from the jar.

Once they accumulated a certain amount of marbles, my wife would exchange "X" amount of marbles for a dollar bill and take them to the local dollar store and allow each of them to purchase two items. Our boys would feel proud that they earned what they had bought. She would also let them pay the cashier with the dollar bills that they have earned. 

 

The key to successful parenting is not found in complex theories, elaborate family rules, or convoluted formulas  for behavior. It is based on your deepest feelings of love and affection for your child, and is demonstrated simply through empathy and understanding. Good parenting begins at the heart, and the continues on a moment-moment basis by engaging your children when feelings run high, when they are sad, angry, or scared.

That's one part of good parenting, being a loving and caring parent who's willing to sacrifice their own comfort.

The parent is also responsible for making wise choices for their kids. Living in a city like Irvine will afford you many choices. The marketing machine is in full swing in places where people have money to spend. As a parent you need to be well grounded in what your vision (besides education) is for your kids , and then you have some sense of reference when you faced with decisions about how to spend your and the kids time.

Oh I like that idea panda! I think I'll try it with my boys. I want them to know in life you have to earn your keep because things don't just get handed to you. I'm very sick of this entitled generation we have created.