Person Search / Missing Person

SoCal78_IHB

New member
I'm hoping the people of IHB can help me brainstorm here. Sorry in advance if this sounds jumbled. My mind is all over the place right now.



A person in my family has not been heard from recently. Several of us family members just compared notes and collectively, nobody has heard from him since early September. This person, unfortunately, is my <a href="http://www.irvinehousingblog.com/forums/viewthread/6190/#128465">young male relative</a>. :long: At the time I wrote that post, I knew he was in some trouble and I encouraged to go back home or seek out help from his dad (my brother). His male pride is extremely big. He did not want to admit defeat and look like a failure (his words, not mine.)



Ok, so. The problem is... we don't have a way to contact him. No mailing address since he couldn't afford to keep his apartment and was staying with a friend temporarily. He never had a land line. His cell phone service was cut off. He was borrowing his friend's cell phone for a little while. We've all tried leaving voice mails there for the last couple months and haven't heard anything back. He doesn't have an employer we can check with since he's unemployed as far as we know. He's pretty close with one of his brothers and he hasn't even heard from him. I checked myspace and facebook to see if he has a profile, but no luck. To make matters worse, he has a very common name so it isn't easy to pin-point. We've all emailed him - afterall, he could check that from a public library if need be - but he hasn't replied at all. My brother lives out of state and is very worried that something has happened to him. My elderly dad went driving around the city of his last known residence, looking for him. I don't know if we should file a missing persons report or what! Are there some other avenues to check that I'm not thinking of?? I feel like he could be in "hiding" of his own will, due to feeling shame possibly. I hope he didn't do something crazy.
 
Your nephew may have a drug addiction that prevented him from functioning a normal life. I suggest checking the Police Department Data base. My guess is he was arrested and currently in jail. The last known address would be the first place to check the local police department. He would not venture into a new city unless he has a long trail of fraud and running away from the law.
 
I'm so sorry SoCal. I think that you should file a missing persons report and, if your nephew has a drug addiction, he could have been arrested, as Bk suggested. I've had a similar personal experience (a close friend), and my heart goes out to you and your family right now. I would suggest that each family member create a diary/log of their most recent and future contacts with your nephew. I found that writing about each contact helped me deal with the situation, and it gave me peace of mind knowing that I was documenting her whereabouts and the names of the people that she was associating with, in the event I ever needed to turn over the information to law enforcement.
 
Thanks, everybody. I talked to Cam and her husband and they were able to give a lot of useful expert tips.



Bk - your human behavior observations are very good. They are exactly what the P.D. predicts for situations like these. The drug part would be hard to imagine, though, since it doesn't seem to fit. I just checked the O.C. arrest records and he's not in the database. He graduated college with honors last year on a soccer scholarship. He also doesn't have money for drugs - no income. When I saw him over the year, I didn't notice any signs - track marks / dilated pupils / change in weight / unusual behavior, etc. But I know anything is possible! I last saw him 7 mos. before he disappeared so maybe something changed. I will keep an eye out.



Anonymous - we tried Facebook, myspace, twitter. Came up empty. It's possible we could have missed it, though. His name is common.



Thanks to Cam & hubby, I was able to get notes on filing a missing persons or hiring a P.I. and points of contact. You guys are great. It never ceases to amaze me all the resources we have here on the IHB.
 
[quote author="garrison" date=1259544802]You said he was a surfer. Mixed with his immaturity and the "free spirited" lifestyle surfing can produce, it's possible he's out of country. I know Nicaragua and Honduras are really popular surf spots for Americans due to the low cost of living and uncrowded breaks. TBH, I have no idea how you would use that; I just wanted to point out that it's possible he's beyond our borders. Best of luck.</blockquote>


Excellent point. Actually, it's very possible he's anywhere south of the border especially considering his roots... his mother is from San Luis Potosi. Consequently, he is also fluent in Spanish, has traveled extensively throughout the area and is very comfortable in that region. He told me he sold his board to make ends meet but at the time, I didn't feel that story rang true. Good tip.
 
[quote author="garrison" date=1259544802]You said he was a surfer. Mixed with his immaturity and the "free spirited" lifestyle surfing can produce, it's possible he's out of country. I know Nicaragua and Honduras are really popular surf spots for Americans due to the low cost of living and uncrowded breaks. TBH, I have no idea how you would use that; I just wanted to point out that it's possible he's beyond our borders. Best of luck.</blockquote>


Aha! SoCal, try contacting ICE (fomerly INS) and if need be file a FOIA request asking for your Nephew's travel records. You may need his SS#, which I hope someone in your family has. Given that you need a passport to visit even Mexico and Canada these days, ICE might know if he left the country.



You might also try running a credit report for him as well, assuming you have the SS#.



Good luck!
 
I checked w/ my bro. regarding travel records. He has a second ranch home in Mexico so he travels back and forth often. He says on border crossing by vehicle, they don't record departure. :- I wonder if it's different for various checkpoints, though. He crosses in south Texas and we're here in SoCal.
 
[quote author="SoCal78" date=1259551519]He says on border crossing by vehicle, they don't record departure. :- </blockquote>


I was afraid that might be the case. :(
 
Development: His brother, father, and grandpa have been leaving voicemails on his friend's cell phone (our only chance of contact) for a month with no calls returned. Time to get creative. I put my thinking cap on. I left a voicemail at 2 p.m. offering [strike]weed money[/strike] a thank you gift to this guy I've never spoken with before, if he would return my call before 9 pm with information regarding my nephew's whereabouts. 3:12: The phone rings. The "friend" who sounds EXACTLY like the sea turtle in "Finding Nemo" spills it. He's alive - just doesn't want to be found. They are even rooming together in H.B. Figures. PayPal / click, send.
 
[quote author="SoCal78" date=1259575463]Development: His brother, father, and grandpa have been leaving voicemails on his friend's cell phone (our only chance of contact) for a month with no calls returned. Time to get creative. I put my thinking cap on. I left a voicemail at 2 p.m. offering [strike]weed money[/strike] a thank you gift to this guy I've never spoken with before, if he would return my call before 9 pm with information regarding my nephew's whereabouts. 3:12: The phone rings. The "friend" who sounds EXACTLY like the sea turtle in "Finding Nemo" spills it. He's alive - just doesn't want to be found. They are even rooming together in H.B. Figures. PayPal / click, send.</blockquote>


From personal experience, H.B is an excellent place to not be found. However, all you really know is that his friend's phone works. If you want real confirmation, leave him another message letting him know you have another "present" for your nephew to help him out through Christmas, but it has to be delivered personally... and offer to meet at a bar/restaurant.
 
I knew that he could give inaccurate info just to collect so I had him confirm some things that have happened recently, in detail, to prove he's seen my nephew. His info was certifiably accurate and couldn't know unless he had spoken to him within the last few days. I also got their address and will be driving by. I like your idea to have him meet us at a neutral spot. I just may do that. My hesitation, though, now exists in wanting to respect his privacy. He's over 18 so I can't drag him home, unfortunately.
 
[quote author="MojoJD" date=1259647195]Just throw a brick through his window with a note attached saying: "we miss you"</blockquote>


Not bad. The best part is I already know the perfect person to defend me in court. :)
 
Your nephew grew up with a sense of entitlement, never worked a day in his life, your brother provided everything for him including a good education, he feels he is above everyone and he deserves to have the the very best because he graduated at the top of his class.



He is full of ego, pride, and lack of humility. He can't accept failure. He loves to show off but he can't being unemployed and penniless. No mediocre job is ever good for him unless it is a 6 figure salary job to commensurate his stellar education.



He was spoiled by your brother and was never taught how to accept disappointment and failure. He is embarassed and hiding from his family.



He may be book smart but have no idea that success needs to be earned and not handed.
 
[quote author="bkshopr" date=1259652742]Your nephew grew up with a sense of entitlement, never worked a day in his life, your brother provided everything for him including a good education, he feels he is above everyone and he deserves to have the the very best because he graduated at the top of his class.



He is full of ego, pride, and lack of humility. He can't accept failure. He loves to show off but he can't being unemployed and penniless. No mediocre job is ever good for him unless it is a 6 figure salary job to commensurate his stellar education.



He was spoiled by your brother and was never taught how to accept disappointment and failure. He is embarassed and hiding from his family.



He may be book smart but have no idea that success needs to be earned and not handed.</blockquote>
Very well put! I've always agreed with the saying that "overcoming adversity builds character."
 
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