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panda

panda

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I wanted to create a peer to peer support group of parents with children in elementary school. I have twin boys who are 8 and they are extremely active. What are some of challenges you face as parents?

Here are some of the books I am reading right now on parenting.

Parenting with Love and Logic - Foster Cline and Jim Fay
Shepherding a Child's Heart - Tedd Tripp
Raising an Emotionally Intelligent Child - John Gottman?
Bringing Up Boys - Dr. James Dobson

The key to successful parenting is not found in complex theories, elaborate family rules, or convoluted formulas for behavior. It is based on your deepest feelings of love and affection for your child, and is demonstrated simply through empathy and understanding. Good parenting starts begins in your heart, and then continues on a moment - to -moment basis by engaging your children when feelings run high, when they are sad, angry, or scared. The heart of being there in a particular way when it really counts.
 
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Panda said:
I wanted to create a peer to peer support group of parents with children in elementary school. I have twin boys who are 8 and they are extremely active. What are some of challenges you face as parents?

Here are some of the books I am reading right now on parenting.

Parenting with Love and Logic - Foster Cline and Jim Fay
Shepherding a Child's Heart - Tedd Tripp
Raising an Emotionally Intelligent Child - John Gottman?
Bringing Up Boys - Dr. James Dobson
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Keep them involve with after school activities and extra school works. Weekend sports and out door activities. Pool and swim. Challenge is not enough time and energy.
 
Just read The Gift Of Failure. Pretty applicable to parents around these parts. So much coddling and helicoptering that kids don?t know how to fail. Lots of focus on grades /sports successes. Not enough focus on the journey.
 
Look at this chart. Your influence and authority as a parent decreases as your child age and maybe completely gone by the time they are 18 if you don't build a deep relationship with them. I believe that most of the fathers here want to be there for our children during the most influential years. I realize that our children really mirror us in many of our habits. The good news is that for us parents with children between 7-11, we still have time to become great dads. Our children don't want our money... they want our love and time.
 
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How many of you guys have children in elementary school in Irvine? Which elementary school do they attend and what grades are they in?
 
My kids are no longer elem age but hindsight tells me what I think I did wrong or right.

1. Don't expect too much.
2. Patience.
3. Treat them like you would treat your friends' kids (that may be good or bad :) )
4. Build authority with love not fear.
5. Enjoy all the moments, big or small.

And since we all have smartphones, take every pic and video you can... they will enjoy seeing their younger selves just as much as you do.
 
IHO, thanks for sharing.

I changed the title of the thread to Peer-to-Peer Parents Support Group as we definitely need teenage parents here as well to share their experiences.

irvinehomeowner said:
My kids are no longer elem age but hindsight tells me what I think I did wrong or right.

1. Don't expect too much.
2. Patience.
3. Treat them like you would treat your friends' kids (that may be good or bad :) )
4. Build authority with love not fear.
5. Enjoy all the moments, big or small.

And since we all have smartphones, take every pic and video you can... they will enjoy seeing their younger selves just as much as you do.
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Middle and High School is when it gets tougher.

Like your picture says, the weight of your authority decreases as their age increases.

But I actually think my same 5 items apply. There is probably more, but I think those are broad enough to cover many situations.

As they get older, we try to encourage and nurture their interests but always provide realistic applications of what those will become as they build their own lives/careers/etc.

I was talking to a parent of a high schooler the other day and he said that whole "Do what you love" rhetoric needs to be tempered because teenagers today think that's going to take them wherever they want. They need to understand the expectations and may need to temper desire with necessity. I consider myself lucky because I like my career, it's what I've been interested in since high school so it's not a pain for me to get up every morning and do my work. That's what I want for my kids, for them to be able to support themselves and their families without having to hate their jobs.
 
Panda said:
How many of you guys have children in elementary school in Irvine? Which elementary school do they attend and what grades are they in?
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GP kids will attend Beacon or Candence K-8. Beacon is becoming more established , with 3 years under its belt. Principals and staffs are wonderful. My kids are in Kinder age and it?s a well mixed and diversify students bodies.
 
OMG!  it seems like yesterday when my daughter was in this young age of 8 when I began blogging. This is an excellent reminder to all the dads that the most important thing is time spent with your child. I have experienced this journey and at the end it does not matter where your house is but where your heart is with your child.
 
Irvine Home Shopper.

Good hearing from you and really appreciate your parenting advice. I totally agree that spending quality time and loving your child is what truly matters in the long game.

"I have experienced this journey and at the end it does not matter where your house is but where your heart is with your child. " - love this quote!

I always thank God, the Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, when I pray for my children. They have the faith and love that spring from the hope that is stored up for them in heaven. God has filled them with knowledge of his will through all spiritual wisdom and understanding. They live lives worthy of the Lord and please him in every way: bearing fruit in every good work, growing in the knowledge of God, strengthened with all power according to his glorious might so that they may have great endurance and patience, and joyfully give thanks to the father. They are qualified to share in the inheritance of the saints in the kingdom of light. He has rescued them from the dominion of darkness and brought them into the kingdom of the son he loves, in whom they have redemption, the forgiveness of sins.

Colossians 1:3, 5, 9-14



irvinehomeshopper said:
OMG!  it seems like yesterday when my daughter was in this young age of 8 when I began blogging. This is an excellent reminder to all the dads that the most important thing is time spent with your child. I have experienced this journey and at the end it does not matter where your house is but where your heart is with your child.
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@irvinehomeowner, you wrote this 6 years ago and there is a lot of wisdom in what you wrote. Thanks!

irvinehomeowner said:
Middle and High School is when it gets tougher.

Like your picture says, the weight of your authority decreases as their age increases.

But I actually think my same 5 items apply. There is probably more, but I think those are broad enough to cover many situations.

As they get older, we try to encourage and nurture their interests but always provide realistic applications of what those will become as they build their own lives/careers/etc.

I was talking to a parent of a high schooler the other day and he said that whole "Do what you love" rhetoric needs to be tempered because teenagers today think that's going to take them wherever they want. They need to understand the expectations and may need to temper desire with necessity. I consider myself lucky because I like my career, it's what I've been interested in since high school so it's not a pain for me to get up every morning and do my work. That's what I want for my kids, for them to be able to support themselves and their families without having to hate their jobs.
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panda said:
@irvinehomeowner, you wrote this 6 years ago and there is a lot of wisdom in what you wrote. Thanks!
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Yeah... one of my kids has decided to take a gap year. For any of those hard core Irvine parents... that would be unthinkable... even among my friends.

But my kid appreciates that we are not forcing them one way or the other... and that's how it should be.

Plus we are saving money. Hah.
 
Haha, even though this thread is old it has piqued my interest now that I have a 5yo boy. Wondering if any opinions/advice have changed by posters after 5yrs have passed.

My current challenges are he seems pretty fragile (can cry easily) and doesn't want to try new things (hard to put him in activities/classes). We try to explain everything before things happen and also try to do things with his friends so it's easier. We try to be as patient ("you don't have to do anything you don't want to do"), but I wonder how far we are crossing the line to coddling.
 
Liar Loan said:
What do you mean by this one?
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Some people treat their friends' kids better than their own. Some treat them worse. Most of the time it's better... but that's also because kids tend to behave better with their friend's parents. :)

I can admit I'm too harsh on my own kids sometimes which is what I had to work on as a parent.
 
hurijo said:
Haha, even though this thread is old it has piqued my interest now that I have a 5yo boy. Wondering if any opinions/advice have changed by posters after 5yrs have passed.

My current challenges are he seems pretty fragile (can cry easily) and doesn't want to try new things (hard to put him in activities/classes). We try to explain everything before things happen and also try to do things with his friends so it's easier. We try to be as patient ("you don't have to do anything you don't want to do"), but I wonder how far we are crossing the line to coddling.
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Yes.. it's tough... but just by you saying this shows that you understand and will be able to adjust. It all depends as there is no catch-all and kids will surprisingly change in some ways and be very stubborn in others.

A good example was foods they eat. One of my kids was very anti-veggies, even had friends who were worse (so couldn't get help from peer pressure)... but we just kept introducing different foods ("try it", "just take a bite") and now I'm pickier than they are. :)

Good luck... it will get better and worse sometimes but it's all wonderful.
 
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