Kids are funny

This morning I went to the school district office to take a typing test.

You need a minimum 45 wpm net corrected speed. (2 points docked for each error.) Important thresholds are at 45, 50, 60, and 70 wpm. If you want to improve your score, you can come back and retake the test. (A 70 would be ideal.) We took the test 3 x this morning. They take your best score out of the 3.

I started to panic when I saw the keyboard. It was the really old kind. Straight rectangle. Deep keys. The kind that "click". There is nothing ergonomic about this. I learned how to type on this kind of keyboard but over the years I've switched to a split keyboard on a curve and now, a straight kind again but shallow, sensitive keys. (I don't know the technical jargon here.)

I type over 100 WPM net corrected on my keyboard at home.

I played around on this one before the test and everything was a jumbled mess.

The test began. I didn't think I did well. I was already planning to go back next time to retake it.

Late this afternoon, the proctor e-mailed out the scores. I got 89 WPM. Yay. I don't have to retake it. I was at the grocery store with my son. I checked my e-mail on my phone. The results were in. I told my son -- "Oh, look, Mommy got an 89! I'm so relieved!!"

He said: "Well, yeah. Duh. I knew you would. When I hear you type e-mails, you sound like this:
(insert picture demonstration of wild keyboard slapping he imitated in the store)

We LOL'd so loud in the store!! Other shopper thought we were crazy! It probably doesn't sound funny reading this. I guess you had to be there.

Anywho! It's not my best but I'll take it.

My little boy had a winter worksheet from class that he brought home.

Mix & Match the two halves to make a winter word!

mit          flake
snow      ten
flur        ry
bliz        zard

He writes...

mitten. Check.
Snowflake. Good!
FLURZARD.

I LOST it. Laughing... "Ummm, what's a flurzard?" He's not sure but is pretty sure it's a type of storm you get caught up in according to him. But of course! All week I've been referring to this bitter cold weather we're having as a flurzard.

She's not a kid, but a lady I tutor calls a skyscraper - "skyscratcher".

I say we should call 'em cloud ticklers.

SoCal said:

She's not a kid, but a lady I tutor calls a skyscraper - "skyscratcher".

I say we should call 'em cloud ticklers.

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IHO calls 'em "cloudscratchers", but I give him the benefit of the doubt since it is a direct translation from his native Austrian "wolkenkratzers"

IrvineRealtor said:

SoCal said:

She's not a kid, but a lady I tutor calls a skyscraper - "skyscratcher".

I say we should call 'em cloud ticklers.

Click to expand...

IHO calls 'em "cloudscratchers", but I give him the benefit of the doubt since it is a direct translation from his native Austrian "wolkenkratzers"

Click to expand...

Na Klar!... aber sie ist... wie sagt man -- "Russisch"?! -- Ich hab' keine Idee. Sie (Russen) haben kein Wort wie "Wolkenkratzers"! Z.B.: Sie nur sagen, "100-story building" auf Russisch Sprache. Lustig! Entschuldigung... schlechtes Deutsch. Furchtbar. Haha!

Have you watched your little typing cartoon to the end? It gets pretty graphic... not sure your kids would say that is you.

Yeah, I've seen it but he hasn't. He didn't accuse me of being an eyeball bouncer. I still have arms and there's no blood on my walls (you realize that, right?) I just couldn't find a better crazy typing cartoon that matched what he demonstrated I look like when I hammer out a message at 1XX WPM.

Please, dear readers, don't take this the wrong way. I just wanted to share it for the "kid funny".

Just now, I was sitting at a stop light. There was a truck with two Mexican guys in it sitting at the corner next to me. One of them was smiling at me. They got a green light and proceeded to turn right (directly towards me). The driver stopped the vehicle in the intersection! The smiling passenger guy waved and rolled down the window to talk to me (not "platonic" stuff.) Anyway, my rear windows are tinted so they couldn't see in. It probably looked like I was alone in the car. My little boy asked why the man was waving at "us". Before I could say anything, that got my big boy's attention. All of a sudden he popped out of the back into view and said: "She is not currently a choice!!... Hold up your ring, Mommy!"  OMG. I really LOL'd!! My big boy's phrasing and reaction was so unexpected to me as well as the "Jack In The Box" surprise! Haha!! That's my boy. 

A group of young kids at church were to write down something they wanted help praying for from a prayer team. Every week they would write on a little white strip of paper and drop it in a box. The church sent out a request looking for adults who would join the team, keeping their requests private so you do not reveal who is praying for what. I volunteered to pray for the kids.

Week 1: Lots of requests - - everyday stuff and amazing stuff coming from kids including one that seemed familiar to me. It said: "Dear Lord, help my mommy be safe in surgery." There was also a second one that stood out to me. It said: "Help me stop lying."

I didn't tell him I was on the prayer team but I asked my boy if he put in a prayer request that day. He said he's praying for me during surgery. Awww. Then he said his friend, we'll call him, "Zander", wants people to pray for him so he will stop lying! Well, now I accidentally knew who the kid was. He's this really cute 6 year old little boy we ran into all the time.

Week 2: Same request shows up: "Help me stop lying."

Week 3: "Help me stop lying."

Week 4: "Help me stop lying."

Week 5: "Help me stop lying."

Week 6 and the rest of the weeks that followed that summer: Every box had a strip of paper saying, "Help me stop lying."

My husband would make little comments when we'd see the boy, like, he tells the best stories and has such a big personality, etc. It was all I could do to keep from busting up and revealing what was going on. Really, I was in stitches by the end of the summer!! 

I tell a white lie to my little one. In order to make sure his homework is ready to be turned in at the end of the week, I tell him that day's homework is X + Y when really X is that day's and Y is the next day's homework.

Last week he grew suspicious. I assured him I know what I'm doing but wouldn't let him peak at the homework calendar for the real due dates.

That night, Mr. SoCal asked me if all his homework was done. I replied in front of my little boy:

"Yes, it is because I (spelled out) **Tee - Are - Eye - See - Kay - Eee - Dee** him."

I thought nothing of it until...

:-\ YOU TRICKED ME?!!???  :'(

Darn. He's a good speller.

My big boy, my little boy, and I were in a room together.

My little boy says to me, "I need to tell you something!"

He walks over, puts his hands over my ears and squeezes hard.

I'm like, "Ummm. What??? Why are you covering my ears?"

He gets real close to my face and says, "It's a secret. I don't want [brother] to know!"

Me and my big boy died laughing before he broke it to him that he could hear everything. Oops. Wrong ears.

Okay, this one is NOT funny. Let's get that straight. It just amazes me how kids' minds work, though.

I'm driving. I ask my big boy how school went. My big boy says, "Today we're starting a new class project. It's due in 2 weeks. I played 4-square with [so-and-so] at recess. Also, when I was running, I tripped and hurt my knee but I'm ok. Oh, yeah. And [my best friend]'s dad died. He had bleeding on his brain."

Me:  " OMG. He DIED???! That's terrible! When did this happen??"

Him: "2 weeks ago."

Me: " What... the...!! Why didn't you tell me?"

Him: "I don't know."

I sent the family a belated (unfortunately, geez) sympathy card. I don't know why kids mention all the little things but totally leave out the major stuff!

So mom turns 63 today, and we called this morning to wish.

Kid 2: How old are you?
Mom: 63
Kid 2: Wow, you are getting old fast- very soon you will be a hundred and a menace to all of us!

Apparently one of kid's friend's mother's grandparent is a hundred, and according to her mother a menace I will watch what I say now on.. don't want to be quoted by some kid I don't know..

That's funny, CZ!

Today's kid funny that I had to share with only local people who would understand it instead of my random Facebook friends list. Feel free to substitute Irvine or the city of your choice east of the 55 instead of FR as it will still apply.

My kid just got back from a class field trip to Knott's. I asked him how it was. He looks at me and says:

"Mommy. The houses are ugly outside of Foothill Ranch." (He means in Buena Park where Knott's is.)

Me: "Thank you. I'll take that as a compliment. That's why we live here. Btw... I agree.  "

Him: "Yeah. Coming back, I knew we were almost home when I looked at the window and they started getting pretty again."

That's the thought I have every time I drive into L.A. and back to south O.C. again.

Cute!

My little one asked me if I fired the gardener yet.

"Nope, not yet. Probably Monday."

"What will happen after you set him on fire - is he going to the hospital?"


... I've loved and lost a few but haven't sent anyone to the hospital YET.

Firing someone on a Monday?  That's cold hearted... Should at least wait for Friday

ps9 said:

Firing someone on a Monday?  That's cold hearted... Should at least wait for Friday

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I have my reasons -- They work Fridays... or Saturdays (that's part of the problem. They don't keep a consistent schedule). I could wait until they show up Friday and then jump out of the bushes and say, "Surprise, you're fired!", making it a wasted trip, but I thought that would be kind of terrible.  I gotta wait 'til a non-work day but still need my lawn done this week. Soonest is Monday.

ps9 said:

Firing someone on a Monday?  That's cold hearted... Should at least wait for Friday

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In my last company when we were quickly running out of things, I had a special request to fire me on a Friday...The management wanted to know why.. like no one was ever laid off
SoCal, I so want to see you fire the guy ..I can't imagine you do it! will you bake him two cakes- one to say you are fired, and one to say sorry, I had to do this?

This afternoon we went to the book fair and Kid 2 bought Kid 1 a 1D poster. "This will make her so happy, she will love me for the whole entire day!" Aww, poor younger siblings