How did you handle it when you father passed away?

My father passed away at the age of 65 on July 12, 2012. He had a such a big influence in my life as a mentor, father, and friend. He died from a sudden heart attack and my heart was not ready to let him go. I know that he is in heaven with the Lord, but it has been so difficult for me to accept that is no longer on this earth. I think i went into depression and a phase of denial.

I started to question everything about my life, my purpose, and my calling. I have never experienced death so close until the age of 35 and I realize that this life we live is a temporary place we live in. Seeing my dad take his last breath, it was so clear to me that we come to this world with nothing and we leave this world with nothing like my father did. I am ashamed to admit this, but for the past 10 years of my life it seems like I was so driven by money and achieving financial success, neglecting so many important areas of my life. I am starting to find joy in the simpliest things like playing with my boys and spending more quality time with my wife.

I wanted to ask if any of you have been in the same place as me and how you dealt with your grief of losing your father whom you loved so much?

sorry to hear about your loss Panda - my dad died earlier this year at 78.  his quality of life was pretty bad - there was actually a sense of relief when he passed away because i hated seeing him in his current condition and there was nothing we could do for him.  i dealt with the grief by rationalizing that he was no longer in pain and knowing that he was no longer suffering offset that fact that he would no longer be around. that is how i came to peace with the whole situation.  if it was up to me i would have given him a lethal injection so he would not have to deal with the quality of life - but in california such a thing is not allowed. Oregon, Washington and Montana allow physician assisted suicide (you have to pull inject yourself or take the medication yourself).  i hope by the time im that age there is a magic pill i can just take to put me out of whatever misery i may be in.

Panda, I am so sorry for you and your family.

I am hesitant to spout senseless platitudes. Instead, I'll look for a way to help --so, I will answer your question: We all come into this world at different times and we leave at different times. As you said, you are so very blessed to know that your father is saved and you will spend eternity with him. How wonderful he got to be here long enough to see your twin boys and get to know the adult-you. I am sure he is very proud of the kind of person his son is.

My father is physically alive, I think, but emotionally dead (as is my mother.) They have routinely cut off every family member and friend from their lives one-by-one. I never thought it would come to me and my children as I am her only child and my children are her only grandchildren, but alas, the ax dropped here, too. She demanded my dad do the same. He followed suit. It has been 6 years since I have seen or spoken with him. He and I were always very, very close. I cry often, still in disbelief. Last time we went out to a restaurant, I saw a man that looked exactly like him and I got excited for a second, until reality hit that it was not him. I started sobbing in the restaurant from having my hopes up.  I don't know if I'll ever get over it. I only wish he loved me as much as I love him. I feel as though he is the same as dead. I do not expect to see him again. He is 74. It is hard to say if I will see him in Heaven. He has said he is saved, he loves Jesus. I hope so. I think he is indeed saved, just has a screw loose. His behavior has gotten more peculiar as he's gotten older. It is so great that you had a dad who is interested in you & your wife & kids up until the end. All you can do is appreciate him, learn from his mistakes as we all learn from our parents' mistakes, and just live the best life you can. There is still so much to live for. I would say don't let it turn you into a cold person. It is easy to start cutting people off so you don't get hurt when they die (your dad) or disown you (my dad). I still have a tendency to cut someone off swiftly when I'm afraid of losing them, but I try to turn it around and actively embrace someone who desperately needs me in their life such as the people I tutor / ESL. (That is a whole different story. Let's keep this about you and not me.)

Don't be a stranger, Panda. Let us know how you're doing. What do the boys say? Do they know grandpa has passed away?

Qwerty: Didn't know! So sorry. RIP, Qwerty, Senior.

Thank you Qwerty and SoCal for sharing.

Socal, my father decided to move back to Korea with my mom in 2007. Part of me resented him as i felt that he chose his business over his family. He was so passionate about his work, inventions, and patents and I thought that he wanted to expand to Asia.

Though my father saw the twins many times via skype, i had never visited my father since 2007 which i regret this so much today. There are days i suddenly burst into tears thinking about him. My sister and brother had visited korea prior and had spent quality with him. There is nothing I wouldn't give today to have just three more days with him to tell him how much i love him and share so many things that's on my mind. When i went to Korea for the funeral last month, I found out the real reasons why he did what he did. My father was somewhat encryptic and didn't really share with me why he left his family behind.

Socal, it may be too late for me, but it is not too late for you. I would not waste another day, not looking for him. He may have reasons that you may not know about. My father loved me very much, and it breaks my heart when i saw pictures of our baby twins on his screen saver and all over his room. He never got to hold them before leaving this earth.
Socal, please don't live with regrets like me. Do not wait another day. You must find him and tell him how much you love him.

Panda, be thankful that you are grieving.  There are too many sons and daughters out there who may not grieve at all or nowhere as deeply as you at the passing of a parent.  The depth of your grief is a testament to the depth of your relationship with your dad.  You are a lucky man.  Be proud that your dad made every effort to utilize the talents God gave him while still being a good father and role model - not easily done.  Though he left earlier than expected, it sounds like he lived a full life.  If only we all could be so blessed.  Though he will be missed, he won't be forgotten, by you or your kids as his example will continue to serve as a guide for all of you throughout the rest of your lives.  And don't worry about missing the opportunity to share your heart with him.  If he didn't already know, he most certainly knows now as he continues to watch you and your entire family from above.

Condolences... and from how you describe it, I think your dad wouldn't want you to stop doing what you've been doing. He's probably very proud of you.

It's been a couple weeks. I want a Baby Irvine update. How are you doing, Panda?